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I was reading some research today that says lots of women are resentful of the amount of time that childrearing takes up in their lives and that quite a high percentage say they would choose differently if they had their time over again.............. there were quite a few women in this research who had chosen not to have children at all in the first place - the research was trying to get at which group of people were happiest, those who had chosen not to have children at all or those that had - personally, I think its down to individual choice (and standing by it too) and have a lot of respect for women who make the conscious decision to not have children - even though I had my own third child when I was 21 I feel like I have had the best of both worlds cos I was still young enough to develop a life of my own once they had grown and flown............

how do you feel?

I consider children a blessing and am very much against abortions except in rare circumstances. I had my daughters when I was 34 and 37. The only thing I regret is marrying their father because I was pregnant and thought it a stigma to not be married whilst being a mother. Apart from that - they are wonderful and I feel upset for couples who are trying to conceive and can't.

Yes, and actually, I'm thinking of having another. If life had worked out the way I'd have preferred, I wouldn't mind having half a dozen.

My daughter is the best and brightest part of me. She's my joy, my delight, my sunshine, and I'm honored to be her mom and the person she considers her best friend. As she is mine. To Em..

I refused to marry my daughters father just because I was pregnant. I made the right choice for us. I also don't believe in abortion and because I refused to abort or marry, lost much of my family for many years because of that decision.

I still got the better end of the deal. She's wonderful.

I'd have them even if sometimes they drive me up the wall.

I've learned, learn and will learn a lot through them

wooooooooo! controvertial! yes- i couldn't be without my boys- in hindsight i would have spaced out the ages ( 3 in 3 1/2 years) but only if i was guaranteed the same kids

I love my son and wouldn't change a thing. It's a very sad thing for me to not be able to have another.

awww - to Ems Mum me too - I would have had a football team by now if life hadnt stepped in, theres no love like a mothers love for her children.

But, this research seemed to be saying that people who had made the conscious decision to not have children were equally happy with the outcomes on their lives - I personally cant equate this but do respect it is a matter of personal choice.

Is it a biological imperative to have children I wonder or a lifestyle choice?

i am a proud dad
i will chose the same again

I think it's a lifestyle choice. I admire those who choose not to have children for realising that parenthood isn't something they really want, and for not allowing societies pressures that everyone should have children influence their decision.

It's those people who allow societies pressures to have children take hold and they have them when they shouldn't that bother me. Those are the people who don't treat their children as they should. The people who aren't parenthood material should realise it and avoid it, not only for their own sake, but especially for the sake of the children.

Im not too much into abortions either but these things have to be taken on a case by case basis imo - just because I wouldnt do it doesnt mean i have no sympathy for the woman who is forced into this choice - her circumstances are not mine........

I really feel for couples going through this stuff too - some friends of mine are at the moment and its heartbreaking to witness.....

And thank you, Trish. To you, too.

Do you feel, as was my own experience of this issue, that a lot of young women are preggers before they know it and look at the whole scenario as having a living doll to care for - that they are no more than children themselves?..........

in primitive societies, indeed even in some societies today, marriage takes place at roughly the same time as oestrus in the woman - but in these cases, she has little choice and many resultant births will wear her out prematurely.

Are we primed, even in modern society, for childrearing - I know that when I wanted to stay on at school and get certificates, my Dad laughed, he said "but you are a woman, you are just going to have babies"..............

Hi Trish...it would be an awful mother that would come on here and say she wished she had never had children...I dont think anyone would admit to that....would they?? Like you I had my children fairly young and I am glad I did.....lots of me time now even though my 'children' still live with me. They drive me mad sometimes but I cannot imagine my life without them....cant wait for the grandchildren

mot being a woman means I can't possibly begin to understand childbirth and the biological imperative if it exists. I was however a single parent a MAD (mom and dad at the same time) and to this day reap rewards of that event in my life. I cant imagine how I would have turned out had he not been in my life.

One point I would like to make in this regard though, is the number of children born, not only out of wedlock but out of passion alone. I am sure with hindsight many of these births would not have transpired. That in itself would create internal turmoil I would think, a resentment placed unfairly on the child, for the parent's error in judgement, of jumping into bed on a whim, without thought for consequences?? This was indeed my ex's stance and the reason I became the MAD.(happily I might add)

So, I wonder just how miuch of the resentment you're talking about is misplaced?

been there , worn the tshirt- the worst couple years in my life- a real emotional rollercoaster-please be kind to them, I had to listen to.. ' ah 'Tim' just has to look at me and I get pregnant haha, it will happen to you soon':(

The research I was reading was phrased so to ask that it wouldnt make any difference regarding the children you had already given birth to but even so, there were some mothers who had been able to disassociate themselves from what actually 'is' towards what they thought would be the best scenario - no detriment to past choices or present tence - simple outright choice of if or not having children had made their lives more 'full'

My own thing is that you dont have children for your own benefit but rather that is a sort of biological calling - seems this research says that this calling can be ignored, acted upon or controlled - any which way, the outcome, dependent on the happines of the mother, is a matter of personal choice and lots of women nowadays are choosing to remain childless

Yes, but at least in the US, the numbers of young girls getting pregnant is going down. Thats a good thing.

I think many people are very unprepared for the responsibility of having children, and just think it is a natural thing and they wing it. I had my mum around and that helped a lot. She had 4 kids in 5 years, kept children in our home when I was growing up and always had kids in and out. She knew what to do and that helped a lot.

That's the way it used to be. At least for mothers, fathers didn't play as great a role. But moms and aunts taught young mothers how to be good mothers.

And fortuntaly, the idea of women not needing education simply because they'll be mums has become outdated.

In a word....No

Actually, I take offense to this, Al. I certainly didn't plan to get pregnant, but it would have been wrong of me to marry the man simply because I was. He's proven his fathering skills by never showing up her entire life. My daughter knows the score and actually thanked me for the choices I made to take care of her on my own rather than subject her to an uncaring father. And she was only 9 years old when she said this. She certainly feels no resentment because I had her when I was not married. And I am simply honored to have her.