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Back for part 4

Parents

Well as I already said, Dad was 18 years Mum's senior and, as a child, I always thought their marriage was perfect. I thought THEY were perfect.

I knew at an early age I wanted to be like them, happily married with at least 4 kids, yes it's true, I wanted to be a parent from childhood and that never changed.

Mum & Dad's relationship changed though, when I was a young adult my parents went through some rough patches & eventually divorced leaving me totally confused about 'true love' and 'happily ever after'

But through my childhood my parents were rocks. (Of course I don't know what happened behind closed doors) Dad was initially the breadwinner, as you would expect in the 70's but after a while Mum decided to go to work also, just so we could make ends meet.
Dad played the drums in a band & went out every Friday & Saturday nights & would often earn more than a weeks wages just in the weekend.

Mum and Dad both worked in a newspaper office, Dad was a typesetter & Mum was a receptionist, later on in their career they got my older brother into a machinist apprenticeship, working in the same office. Mum was on the front desk, Dad in the prep room behind her & Shane out the back operating the printing presses.

Almost a family business

My parents were working class all their lives, we were never rich but we always had what we needed and occasionally we would get things we wanted too!
I remember Mum & Dad would come home every now & then with a crate of Coca Cola products, fizzy drink wasn't cheap (or readily available in bulk) back then, only rich people would buy it that way so us kids would think ourselves really special!

I used to love making Ice Cream Floats with Coke or Fanta & Vanilla Ice Cream. It was the best!



Dad was a bit of a DIY type guy, always looking at improving the house where he could. Most weekends saw us helping Dad with concreting, wallpapering or building something. Our house was always changing shape.

The only regret I had about my folks when I was young was that Dad was so old, when I was old enough to choose a sport or an extra curricular group, dad was too old to encourage me. It was due to that, that I decided I wouldn't be having any kids after the age of 30, I dont want to be too old for them. My last born was born 4 days after my 30th birthday, so I was close

My parents taught me about parenting in many ways, everything they did was a lesson for me, they showed me right & wrong ways to raise a family and I believe I am a great parent now.

All through my life I had contact with my birth Mother as well, although the original intention was only to be in contact with my Oma, my Mother had no choice but to see me when I was visting her. I of course, believed that she wanted to know me, that she only adopted me out cos she was deaf & had twins on the way & really couldn't cope with the 3 kids. (She kept the twins) I couldn't bear the thought that she just didn't want me, so I sensationalised it, made it better in my head than it really was.

The truth of course, was that I was a constant reminder of her mistake (She fell pregnant to the first guy she slept with) and she really didn't want to be a parent at all. Fate sure has a funny way of ruining plans though huh?

I never knew my real father, still don't. My Mother has tried to locate him for me (it could be one of two guys) but now that i'm 38 years old, it has become a non issue for me. I used to think i'd like to know him, to finally know me, but I realise now that I am a great person & that has nothing to do with him, it's all me & the people that have been in my life. I don't need to know who my Mother's one night stand was.

Parenting is more than sperm & an egg.

All in all I had an average childhood, life was relatively good, I was disciplined when I needed it & rewarded in kind.

To be continued...........

LOTS TO TALK ABOUT WITHIN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS !..LOOKING FORWARD TO IT




not gone too far ..jut leaving it until i'm to talk for a longer period of time



chat very soon

Hello

Back for part 5

Schooling

My Mum tried to place me in the local kindergarten when I was about 3 years old but that was short lived..... She hung around for a while to watch what was done there & when I did something naughty, (I painted the wall instead of the paper) Mum told me off with a little smack on my hand (smacking wasn't such a bad thing back then ) The teacher told my Mum off for smacking me & said that they believed in POSITIVE reinforcement, spare the rod & spoil the child. Well my Mum couldn't deal with that mumbo jumbo! If she wanted to smack her boy it was her god given right to do so & NO kindergarten teacher was going to tell her otherwise!!
Total attendance at kindergarten.......... less than 30 minutes

I turned 5 in November of 1974 and was enrolled as a new entrant in the public primary school for the remainder of the year (about 3 and a half weeks) It was a good thing to do seeing as I hadn't had any pre-schooling to speak of, it helped me to prepare for the year ahead.

Our primary school was a typical small town/country school, we had lamb & calf days every spring, gala days every few months, and show & tell often consisted of someone showing their possum, rabbit, guinea pigs or ducklings etc.

I had lots of friends that I thought would be there forever, it never occurred to any of us that we might grow up & move away!

I remember when I met my first girlfriend, Robyn, she was the butchers daughter, (mentioned in part 2) I thought I was in love from the first time I laid eyes on her She & her sister put on a tap dance display for the class & she was AWESOME! From that day on I wanted to go out with her, it wasn't till years later that we actually did go together. I wrote her a note (as you do) Do you like me? Tick yes or no It's funny when I see my kids write similar notes now.
Anyway, the note came back with the 'Yes' box ticked! So I sent back another note saying, Do you want to go out with me? Tick yes or no.
That came back with the 'Yes' ticked again! woohoo! Happy DAY!

So that was it, Robyn & I were boyfriend and girlfriend from then on (I think we were both about 7 years old) Nothing much changed really, we didn't spend a lot of time together at school, but we did spend time together outside of school. We stayed together till our senior year there, by then, of course I knew all there was to know about women, love & dating! But as most good things do, it came to an end, she went to a different high school than me & we saw less & less of each other.

High School was a drag, I hated the first school I went to, the kids were different, the teachers were different, the curriculum was different! I didn't handle the change very well at all.
I only spent 1 year at that High School, 1983, and in 1984 I went to a different school with a better reputation, I was much happier there.

I started smoking at the age of 11, (I first inhaled at age 13) and in High School I found the 'cool crowd' pretty quickly & spent most lunch times with them smoking & drinking. I thought I was cool cos they were cool & I was doing what they were doing. I know SOOOOOOO much better now!
Needless to say, my high school grades suffered, through primary school I was considered quite intelligent, in High School, I was average.
In 1986 i'd had enough of school, I couldn't be bothered anymore &, being 16, I decided to sign out & join the 'Real World'

more to come......

once upon a time there was a very promiscuous girl who got pregnant. This was not the first time she had been pregnant, she had an abortion at the age 15 after getting raped when she ran away from home to escape her evil mother. But this time it was different, she was older now and she realized she could use this baby to her advantage. She told the true biological father that the child is his, but he denied it and wouldn't help her. So she told the boy she had been dating that it was his. the boy did what he thought was the right thing and married the promiscuous girl, and then joined the air force so he could support his new family.

The baby was born 9 months later, a girl... she was named Chandra and she had white hair, a sign of things to come. The next few years were hard on the promiscuous girl as she cheated on her husband. When her husband found out he used his military training well on her. The Promiscuous girl packed a suitcase and a few necessities and took off with the baby in the middle of the night when her husband was on duty. She traveled across the country and moved in with the baby's biological fathers brother.

As the divorce was finalized and the judge was trying to decide who to place the baby with the judge couldn't really make a decision as both parents were equally bad in their own way, so the judge awarded custody to the husband because he had a house and a stable job and could offer at least the basic necessities to the child. But that didn't last long....

The husband left the military and could not keep a job, so he sent the child away to family for a while... and when they couldn't keep her any longer she was sent to friends and the child was bounced around like this until she was nine years old.

Those years defined the kind of woman this child was going to grow up to be... being moved around so much put her into many compromised situations, she learned to keep a low profile so she could stay in a home longer. She learned how to read people very accurately so she knew who would abuse her and who she could ask a sandwich for. She learned how to be helpful, to be the perfect house guest so that someday maybe someone would want to keep her around for just a little longer. But the only family that ever asked was a very abusive family that she didn't trust.... as much as she appreciated the gesture she knew it would be a mistake... if only she had known at the time what the alternative was going to be... she would have stayed with that family.

At the age of 9 Chandra was sent to live with her mother and her step father (her biological fathers brother).. a year later she had a brand new baby sister and a year and a half after that she had a baby brother and they were living in California. She found herself being the mother to these children, even the children thought of her as their mother.. at the age of 12 she had two baby's following her around calling her "mommy" and her mother hated her for it. The mother took to drinking and was addicted to diet pills she took off almost every night or she would come home late. Chandra would get up early get the kids dressed, would feed them breakfast and take them to day care which was only a few blocks away. Would come home and would get herself ready for school, go and catch the school bus and go to school just to be counselor to most of the kids there because they had no idea how to deal with the insane things that kids have to deal with where parents are concerned, come home do my homework pick the kids up from day care and then cook dinner get them in bed and go to bed herself. On the weekends the step dad would take her to the bowling alley so she could spend her allowance on video games. It was the only break she got...

once upon a time... ooops! look at tha time! gotta go

hahaha!

Thank you too for what you said on the thread about my son.. It does give me some hope

This is about the time that things started getting even more complicated, because this is when the weird stuff started. Where she started having dreams that would later come true, and of things like the unicorn coming to life from its picture and taking her for rides. This is also where the leprechaun caused her all kinds of grief.... the mischievous little bugger... until it finally left. She really didn't make a big deal of it as of yet, because there wasn't anything odd about it to her at this point, they were just dreams... and yes the leprechaun was strange but she'd had a run in with the easter bunny when she was younger too and no one believed her there either so she just didn't make a big deal of it.... besides she had responsibilities well beyond her years.

At the age of 14 her step dad crawled into the house one day early from work... he laid down in the living room and asked for a blanket and a pillow. Chandra had never seen him like this and didn't know what to think. He assured her that he would be fine and laid there hacking his lungs out while her mother was in the bathroom getting ready for a date. The mother not evening giving her sick husband a second look went out the door looking like a hooker. When she came home later that night they had a huge fight and she took the two younger children and left almost running over Chandra in the process. The next three days were the hardest she had ever been through as she feared for the safety of the children because her mother had never cared for both of them awake at the same time before... and she hadn't taken anything with her. Thankfully it was only 3 days... and they were fine.

over the next year Chandra walked her step dad through the divorce process, telling him every move to make... she had no idea she was supporting the whole family with her decisions until her step dad had told her when it was all over that he just did was she said.... There was even one point where she was afraid he was going to loose custody of the children in the court battle so she went and researched all the law books and brought home a case for the step dad. he won because of that, and they had custody.

Born in Sweden and arrived in Oz with my Romanian mother and German father when I was about 9..Travelled throughout oz as my mother Magdalena was a trapeze artist with the original Silvers circus. Became disgruntled at home and rebellious, drinking at 11 and wagging school so left home at 14 and backpacked throughout oz for three years , resentful, no direction and an angry teenager in a world I did not understand..Found my destiny in my grandmother, studied on and off both in Oz and Europe for the next ten years...Met the 'man of my dreams when I was only 19..he died so married the first f** that came along and buried my sorrows. That lasted about enough time to roll in his wet dream and make a delightful son.
Worked mainly with humanitarian, most recently in King Saud hospital in middle east for three years hopping from Palestine to Jordan...
Returned to Oz disillusioned and worked simple jobs in retail for six months until volunteering with drug addicts brought me full circle..reminded me that people piss me off but sometimes I do too so helping them is probably the best idea I can come up with.
Now have a studying, working position for a year in Dublin, still holidaying for a few days and having a great time by the way.

Do I like it? Sometimes I hate it...I love kids but find the entire political correctness BS...
Working in the Middle east and Africa brought me an enlightened sense of peace but since returning to the 'real world' the daily questions of 'what am I doing this for' have returned...

My spare time is taken up with art also...I paint acrylics, always people of different cultures..my passions history, poetry-sufism and 1400 Persian, books, books and my kids....(since adopted two brilliant romanian kids that are shared between my hippy brother disfuctional parents and lunatic me..missing them so much as they are presently in oz enjoying my brothers dreadlock holiday philosophy..

Money...not interested..always seem to land some where face up on my feet and have a love/hate relationship in the world with people...I have come to the conclusion I have walked from the dark woods of my past, not seeking a rescue, as a clique just enjoying dancing quite clumsily along the way of lifes journey..
Zarah..

Over the next few years the relationship with her step father became very inappropriate. She didn't realize it at first... it was made to seem in the immediate family as if it was normal... there was nothing normal about it. She was already the family's "dirty little secret" because her uncle was thought to be her uncle. so she didn't notice any difference in how she was being treated.

In the mean time this is also where more of the strange stuff started happening... being pulled off the bed by her ankle... waking up to strange voices talking to her when everyone else in the family is asleep... feeling jolts of electricity course through her body as she is relaxing in bed or on a couch. The dreams had increased... and other things started happening too... laying on the floor hearing the phone ring before it actually rang or the door being knocked on minutes before someone was there.

At the age of 19 her mother got pregnant again. The mother decided that she wanted welfare but the welfare system decided they didn't want to give it to her because she had kids with an ex husband.. they told her to get custody of the kids and collect child support... so she filed a restraining order and started the paper work to retain custody of the children then promptly dropped them off later that afternoon. the next 8 months were hell. the court ordered the parents not to talk to the children about the proceedings... so legally the only one the whole family could talk to about what was going on was Chandra... so she took on the emotional onslaught of the family and found her way through the legal system again trying to keep the children under the step fathers care. Which she did by giving her previous diaries to the shrink that was analyzing both families.

After it was all said and done Chandra got into a huge fight with her step dad and moved out the next day. She moved in with her best friend who still lived with her parents as well... she lived with them for 6 months (during this time was attacked in a dream... very strange) then lived another 6 months with her first boyfriend before she moved back in with her step father. Only this time around was even worse because they whole family hated her for leaving a year before...

The next two years were hell... they were nothing but emotional abuse from both her sister and her step dad. The only person she found any comfort in at all was her baby brother who himself learned not to have anything to do with anyone in the family. at the age of 24 Chandra's grandmother got sick and was asking to move in with her son (the step father) Chandra saw her opportunity to leave once and for all.. (she couldn't leave the kids unattended when she left the first time she was still staying at home every other week to watch the kids while the step father was gone off to work) Chandra came home from that trip and spent the next two weeks surfing the internet going through nine thousand job adds (literally!) to find herself a job.. she found a job that had employee meals, housing and was willing to pay her more than she had ever earned... she packed her bags spent the next week saying good buy to friends and left that thursday. It was nearly two years before she even called her family again..

During that 2 years she moved to snowmass village up by aspen colorado, became a firefighter and an emt and had the best time of her life by far...

She ended up moving to utah with a boy to become a wildland firefighter which all turned out to be a lie.. the boy took her for more than she had to give she moved to florida where she had friends... who ended up ripping her heart to shreads and she ended up crawling back to her step dad who dragged her home in pieces and let her cry for 2 weeks solid without leaving her room. Chandra got a job at home depot saved every penny she could filed for bankrupcy and took what she saved and moved up to a state park in alaska 8 months later.

She lived in alaska for 1 year got accepted to collage in new mexico, so she moved to new mexico where she attempted college and ended up dropping out because of lac of a support system.. and is still there today working for t-mobile... knowing she is meant for more but has no idea how to fix this mess of a life...

and thats where this story ends for now...

you know... reading back on my story on here it looks pretty awful.. and granted its been no picnic I have gained a LOT from it.

I am a strong individual that can not only stand my ground and take care of myself but hold many up with me.

I learned how to read people quickly and accurately... a tool I can use in almost ever aspect of my life.

I learned that love is something we decide to do, it is not something that just happens to us. and I learned to love every chance you get.... you have no idea how even just a little smile passing in a hall has saved a person from committing suicide... or gave them hope to survive another day. Love regardless of how they feel for you.... its only the icing on the cake if they love you back.

A single GOOD hug and a whisper in the ear of "its going to be alright, you can get through this" can set the world straight and make all the wrongs in the world seem ok again....(at least long enough for you to get your boxing gloves back on) first because your lucky enough to have someone to hug...and second because they know you well enough to tell you what you need to hear.

It has helped me relate to the pain that many others have or are feeling in their lives so that I have been able to help others with the lessons I have already learned so they don't have to always go through things the hard way if they don't choose to.

The greatest gift this life has given me is being able to appreciate all the little pleasures in life... a child playing with a twinkle in their eye, the bright pink clouds floating in a setting sky... sitting on top of a mountain with the cool breeze against my skin and the sun sinking into my soul with all the wonder and beauty of the world below. the tickle of my dogs nose smelling my feet....you get the picture.... these are the types of things I truely appreciate because these are the amazing things in life.

Hi De Hi

Part 6

'The Real World'

I remember sitting on my bed in 1986 2 days before the end of term 1 thinking about the 5 assignments I needed to hand in the next day, of which I had only completed 1.
I was stressed about failing. The only reason I hadn't done the required assignments was because I spent too much time slacking off with mates, I had become lazy with school work & had become nothing more than a number in the school system. I was just another student in the school's eyes & I couldn't handle that. So I told my parents I was leaving school, they couldn't stop me, I was 16 & legally allowed to leave without their permission.

My Dad was retired at this stage, he was spending time at home fixing up the house and doing all those little odd jobs that working people never have time to do. So I offered to help him, in exchange for food, rent & spending money. I actually thought life would be cake after leaving school, I thought I could sponge off my parents forever.
Well I guess there's a time in everybody's life when they can be disillusioned right?

After a couple of weeks I decided to go on the DOL (welfare) I figured it was a great way to get free money. What I didn't realise was, in order to get money you needed to enrol as a job seeker with the Labour Dept & actually prove that you were looking for work (letters of rejection or references from job interviews) It stood to reason that if I was actively looking for work then I would eventually be offered a job!

My first job was in a shoe store as a sales assistant and I was actually quite good at it, I surprised myself.
I worked toward a trainee managers role & thought my career was going to be in this industry forever.
While I was working in this job, I met a woman who was 2 & 1/2 years older than me, fresh out of a failed marriage & had 2 kids to show for it. She was my first.....

I fell 'in love' with her & within 18 Months we were engaged to be married.

Late into 1988 my area supervisor called me into a meeting & told me it was time to further my training by moving to Wellington & becoming an assistant manager. I was STOKED! I told my partner I was going to take this promotion and she told me that we should break up....



To be continued........

Back again for Part 7

'The Real World' continued.......

I couldn't believe what I was hearing I was becoming more successful & my partner wanted to break it off!
When I asked her why, she told me that long distance relationships don't work, and she couldn't ask me not to take the promotion for her cos that would be unfair, she didn't want to hold me back.

I told her that was a load of rubbish & we could make long distance work, and nobody could predict what the future may bring, this position could be just what we needed as a couple.
Needless to say, the way she felt played heavy on my mind, and with that (and some investigation into where my life could go with this promotion) I turned it down.

My area supervisor wasn't happy & he informed me that if I didn't take this opportunity now then I would essentially discontinue my manager training & there was no longer a position open for me..... I was fired.

I didn't know anything about the legalities of this, I didn't realise they couldn't actually fire me for turning a promotion down, so I accepted it & moved on.......... Back on the DOL again

It wasn't long after that, that I got a job in a furniture company, making office furniture. It was menial & repetitive, but it was work.
My partner was a fully qualified nurse and she was desperate to go back to work, so I told her to look into finding a weekend job at a resthome & I would take care of the kids while she worked weekends to supplement my income. I enjoyed my time with the children, it was what I always wanted to do.

Sometime into 1990, my partner was having pains in her stomach & the doctor decided to investigate further via a laparoscopy. The surgery was scheduled to be only a couple of days hospital time but something went wrong & my partner ended up spending longer in hospital & got an infection inside.
The doctors were onto it quickly & managed to clear up the problem but, as we were to find out later, it threw off my partners ovulation dates and inevitably, she fell pregnant.

I was very happy of course, as this was my goal in life, to have children. Unfortunately my partner wasn't as thrilled as me......

It took some time for her to adjust to this shock, but she did adjust & accepted that we were going to have a new child to care for. We put off our wedding date (she didn't wanna go down the aisle as big as a house) & we concentrated on making our life positive. We both had issues with our parents at the time & I was out of work again as I had had an industrial accident that made me unable to do heavy work for some time, so I investigated a job selling vacuum cleaners in Auckland & we moved away to make a fresh start...............

More to come soon

Part 8

More of the Real World

Auckland started out sweet, we were renting a brand new house, my job was going well & we were looking forward to the next addition to our family.

After a short time things started to get hard financially, I wasn't selling as many vacuum cleaners as was required to survive and eventually had to decide to give up that job & apply for the DOL (again) in order to survive.

It wasn't an ideal situation at all but it was better than trying to live on nothing! When all was said & done, we were happy, we still had a house to live in, food in our bellies & our newborn only a few months from joining the family

In late March 1991 we went to a routine doctors appointment to see how the pregnancy was progressing, my partner was nearly 8 months into the pregnancy at this time.

Our doctor told us that baby was breach & we would have to be prepared for a breach delivery or even a possible caesarian, nothing to be overly concerned about, baby's heart was strong & seemed to have a well developed body & head.

But we were worried.......

We asked the doctor to request a scan to put our fears to rest & he agreed.
We had to travel 1/2 an hour to the radiology clinic that afternoon &, as my brother was living in the area, we stopped afterwards for a cuppa & a chat. While we were there our doctor had tried to phone us at home.
My Dad had taken the call, he was staying with us for a while as he'd recently had heart surgery. We got home after 5pm & Dad gave us the message to contact the doctor ASAP.

Easter weekend was upon us & our doctor was to be away for the next 4 days, he told us that we would need to see him first thing Tuesday morning.... now we were getting worried.

Tuesday couldn't have come any sooner, we turned up at the doctors office & he called us in, telling his receptionist to hold all his calls.....

"I've got some bad news for you both", he said. "I'm afraid your baby has spina-bifida"

My partner immediately started to cry, I had no idea what he was saying & asked for him to explain this, he told me to let in sink into my partner first! Being a nurse she knew what this was & I felt I needed to know & pushed him further.
"It's a condition where the spine doesn't form properly, your baby is going to be paralysed", now I was crying.
"There's something else" the doctor said.
"Hydrocephalus?" my partner asked.
"I'm afraid so......"
And she was crying again.
Again I had to ask what that was.
"It's fluid on the brain, your child will likely be brain damaged & have an overly large head"

I couldn't believe this was happening

"We need to discuss your options" said the doctor.

"You're tellin me!"

To be continued............

Hi gilly. Hi everyone. I commend you for this thread. This is really good. I'll tell my story later...lol...

Part 9

You know, 9 is my favourite number!

When I left we were up to the need to discuss our options..

The choices were tough, we could -

1. Go full term, risking our baby dying in the womb & have a ceasarian

2. Go full term, risking our baby dying in the womb & then delivering naturally (breach) up to the point of baby's neck, at which time they would have to shunt baby's head & baby would have suffocated

3. Have a caesarian as soon as possible, risking fetal distress but a possibility of 5 minutes of life.

I was waiting for the doctor to tell us the next option.... the one where they fix my child

My goal all my life was to be a father and here was that goal being ripped away from me with every word the doctor said. I couldn't believe it was true.

None the less, the options were out & we had to make our choice, my partner said outright that she didn't want to give birth to a dead child & I agreed that 5 minutes of life was better than none at all. So we took option 3.

On the 9th of April 1991 we were in National Womens Hospital, Auckland preparing for a caesarian. My partner's Mother was there as was her Father. My father had to leave my house as soon as he heard we were going to have a child destined to die, he just couldn't handle it. I don't know why to this day, but my Dad never met my baby.

I was still not on speaking terms with my Mother & my brother couldn't be there for me, my sister had just visited for Easter but she had to go home too. I felt like an orphan

The doctors asked us what we wanted to have happen after our baby was born, in the event that our child did survive for 10 minutes or more, did we want to shunt? Did we want any medical intervention at all?

Our answer was "No, let God's will be done"

At 3.15pm on Tuesday the 9th April 1991 my daughter was born at 8lb 9oz.

Her head was 54 cm around & her back wasn't completely formed, she was paralysed from the waist down, the doctors were right

But i'll tell you this, she was BEAUTIFUL! The most georgeous child I had ever seen in my life.

The birth was very traumatic for both my partner & my daughter, Jordon's head was stuck under my partners ribs & the doctors had to hold her by her feet & move her side to side to get her out. My partner was pumped full of drugs to stop her from feeling the pain.

In recovery we had the hospital chaplin come in & christen our baby, 5 minutes of life was all we could expect (according to the experts) & we didn't want our child to die without being named in God's eyes.

But she lived on past the 5 minutes, even past 10, 20 or 30 minutes, before too long we were in a private hospital room with our daughter & one of the doctors came in & said ,"I don't suppose anyone thought about feeding the child?"

It never dawned on us that we would have to do that, she wasn't meant to live past 5 minutes!

Every minute was borrowed time, we were very blessed.......

To be continued.........

Part 10

After a couple of hours bonding time, the doctors came in to discuss possible options & things to come.

"This is the worst case of Spina-Bifida & Hydrocephalus we've ever seen", said the first doctor, "if you were look at the severity of affliction on a scale of 1 to 100, 1 being not affected at all & 100 being the most affected, Jordon is placed at about 95"

The next doctor spoke, "We're surprised she has lived this long, it completely goes against all that we know, usually children affected this badly self abort in the first tri-mester."

Our GP chimed in, "It's obvious that she is a very special child & I think now we should look at more options. There is still the possibility of a shunt, and even plastic surgery to fix the wound in her back......"

"What would that mean for her?" I asked, "as far as pain etc goes."

"Well, its hard to tell, it's likely that due to the pressure on her brain, she doesn't feel any pain, with the severity of the hydrocephalus its likely that she wont 'feel' anything, if we shunt it could relieve pressure on the pain receptors and she may be in more pain, she may not."

"So what you're saying is, you have no idea whether you can help her or harm her by intervening?", I asked.

"Thats about right, i'm afraid it's all new to us, to our knowledge, no one in NZ has experienced this scale of affliction, so we have no benchmark. We could extend her life with operations or we could shorten it."

"So you're guessing?"

"Yes."

My partner and I spoke about this for a while, neither of us wanted to see our child in pain, and if we prolonged her life, there were catheters, unknown amounts of operations, shunts, skin grafts, & quality of life was expected to be poor. How could we let her go through that? How would WE get through that?

"Do nothing!", My partner & I both told them, "We said it at the start & we'll stick with our decision, No medical intervention."

My partner's mother was worried that her daughter would not be able to cope with this and pulled me aside to discuss the option of leaving our child in a hospital instead of taking her home, "It will be easier on you both when she dies, if you don't have anything to do with the child. If you take her home, you'll bond, it will ruin you both."

I saw her point and I gave it serious thought........

more to come...........