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I'm pretty sure we have all encountered this problem in a relationship. You become engrossed with a sense of emptiness and the feeling like nothing is there any more in relationship. Terms like we've drifted apart or there is no more romance may have been said.

Statistics would suggest that more than half of these people give up and look for a new partner to fulfill this sense of magical love. Then statistics would again suggest that these same people will break up again with a different partner.

Many individuals have certain ideals as to how a relationship should be, kinda like a picture that is built by common expectations. For instance, some myths or concepts that people have in order to create this sense of perfectionism or what constitutes a good relationship really do divide couples. An open mind is really needed as to how to cultivate love and a relationship. The norm does not always work....just look at the divorce rates....

The main things that I have observed in past relationships that really made things run on empty were:

- When you expect that your partner will make you happy all the time. You have this urge to change your partner so he/she can become something that you need him/her to be so your life feels easier, more comfortable, and brings a sense of happiness. You really should take responsibility for your own happiness. It makes a huge difference when you are aware that you can only control your half, and not your partners. I have observed that it is very counter productive to think that if you could change your partner, your relationship would be better. You are, at the very least, jointly accountable for the relationship. If your relationship is distressed and feels empty, the most important person for you to change might be yourself and your thinking.

- When you really subjectively and selfishly believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to make things work. A lot of individuals use other relationships in real life or from Hollywood as a reference point as to how a relationship should be and work. Every relationship is unique, and communicating about how you would like things to work is the best bet. Do what works for you rather than following some standards you might have read in a book, watched from a movie or tv show or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. If both of you are comfortable with the principles that work, you can write your own rules on your terms mutually.
I really do believe that there is no "right way" for someone to love you. The fact that your partner expresses feelings differently doesn't make those feelings less genuine or of less value. Don't try and define love on your terms. Be open and not selfish about how love is expressed. Don't put expectations or demand on how your partner should love you. Love is indefinable and has many manifestations. Appreciate what you have.

Oh my, that is all for now. Discuss any related experiences or add something if you feel up to it. I'm too lazy to add more....

Yes it is ironic that this is posted in a singles forum by a single man but I am rarely the one who has a sense to change anyone, rely my happiness on what my partner does for me, and how a relationship should be according to the illusory world. I just love unconditionally and I am picky as to who I want to be with. I don't get a bird when I know I want a cat.

a normal relationship, however not all relationships are what are called normal SF.

I not only found that to be correct, but it also touched my heart.

I really do hate that term "normal relationship". It drove me crazy when my ex would say "why can't you be normal like so and so"....I could never be or measure up to her ideals that she held on to so strongly to. It was like if I forgot to pick up something at the store, she would be furious and assume that I did not love her enough because real love according to her was always doing things for each other and not forgetting...so I have a bad memory. Sure I like that concept, but one has to expect that mistakes will be made and we do have other things on our minds at times...no need to take it so personal. Little things like that can give some individuals the idea like "this is not working out, things are not going the way I want it too...I give up".

your cat changes into a bird.
Why in the beginning is there romance and excitement.
your cat is playful and then it changes to a bird and just jumps around in its cage all day.
You try to get the bird to chase a string and it looks at you like your crazy.
The cat has gotten too fat to play.

maybe it's the cage is the problem?

maybe or maybe people just change or they were always that way and they were just trying to impress you in the beginning
after they got what they wanted their true colors are revealed

Brother, you strike me as rather wise for your relatively tender years.

The part about understanding that you cannot make your partner responsible for your happiness struck me as particularly noteworthy. That's pretty commonplace in relationships during their infatuation phase, and if that phase continues too long the relationship is bound to discombobulate.

The part about changing someone is probably a central bane in all relationships. There are bound to be characteristics or habits in one's partner one finds annoying or even disturbing. The odds of changing any of those behaviors is fairly small, I think. You certainly can't count on changing any of them. So the best idea is to find someone with a bare minimum of such traits - and then discover methods which allow you both to compromise and negotiate a bit with respect to those traits. Perhaps you could reduce or eliminate on of your annoying traits in exchange for a comparable change from your partner. I don't know of a tried-and-true method for dealing with these kinds of differences, aside from maintaining an atmosphere of mutual respect and for making every effort to understand why your partner does those irritating things.

I'm pretty sure we have all encountered this problem in a relationship. You become engrossed with a sense of emptiness and the feeling like nothing is there any more in relationship. Terms like we've drifted apart or there is no more romance may have been said.

Statistics would suggest that more than half of these people give up and look for a new partner to fulfill this sense of magical love. Then statistics would again suggest that these same people will break up again with a different partner.

Many individuals have certain ideals as to how a relationship should be, kinda like a picture that is built by common expectations. For instance, some myths or concepts that people have in order to create this sense of perfectionism or what constitutes a good relationship really do divide couples. An open mind is really needed as to how to cultivate love and a relationship. The norm does not always work....just look at the divorce rates....

The main things that I have observed in past relationships that really made things run on empty were:

- When you expect that your partner will make you happy all the time. You have this urge to change your partner so he/she can become something that you need him/her to be so your life feels easier, more comfortable, and brings a sense of happiness. You really should take responsibility for your own happiness. It makes a huge difference when you are aware that you can only control your half, and not your partners. I have observed that it is very counter productive to think that if you could change your partner, your relationship would be better. You are, at the very least, jointly accountable for the relationship. If your relationship is distressed and feels empty, the most important person for you to change might be yourself and your thinking.

- When you really subjectively and selfishly believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to make things work. A lot of individuals use other relationships in real life or from Hollywood as a reference point as to how a relationship should be and work. Every relationship is unique, and communicating about how you would like things to work is the best bet. Do what works for you rather than following some standards you might have read in a book, watched from a movie or tv show or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. If both of you are comfortable with the principles that work, you can write your own rules on your terms mutually.
I really do believe that there is no "right way" for someone to love you. The fact that your partner expresses feelings differently doesn't make those feelings less genuine or of less value. Don't try and define love on your terms. Be open and not selfish about how love is expressed. Don't put expectations or demand on how your partner should love you. Love is indefinable and has many manifestations. Appreciate what you have.

Oh my, that is all for now. Discuss any related experiences or add something if you feel up to it. I'm too lazy to add more....

Yes it is ironic that this is posted in a singles forum by a single man but I am rarely the one who has a sense to change anyone, rely my happiness on what my partner does for me, and how a relationship should be according to the illusory world. I just love unconditionally and I am picky as to who I want to be with. I don't get a bird when I know I want a cat.

Brother, you strike me as rather wise for your relatively tender years.

The part about understanding that you cannot make your partner responsible for your happiness struck me as particularly noteworthy. That's pretty commonplace in relationships during their infatuation phase, and if that phase continues too long the relationship is bound to discombobulate.

The part about changing someone is probably a central bane in all relationships. There are bound to be characteristics or habits in one's partner one finds annoying or even disturbing. The odds of changing any of those behaviors is fairly small, I think. You certainly can't count on changing any of them. So the best idea is to find someone with a bare minimum of such traits - and then discover methods which allow you both to compromise and negotiate a bit with respect to those traits. Perhaps you could reduce or eliminate on of your annoying traits in exchange for a comparable change from your partner. I don't know of a tried-and-true method for dealing with these kinds of differences, aside from maintaining an atmosphere of mutual respect and for making every effort to understand why your partner does those irritating things.

In my experience from past relationships I have nothing to add to that except you are 100% spot on when it comes to a normal relationship, however not all relationships are what are called normal SF.

I not only found that to be correct, but it also touched my heart.