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To all the single parents out there, I need some suggestions! Please?

I am a single mom to three wonderful children. Two boys and a girl. They are 8, 4 and 2 years old. For the most part they are very well behaved. But I have two weaknesses.

1. Patience

2. Feeling Overwhelmed

How do you handle being a single parent? Any suggestions? Just thought I'd throw this out here to see if anyone could be of any help.

Thanks in advance!

Shan

Oh, and please don't say anything like "perhaps you shouldn't of had so many kids, okay?" Obviously that would be of no use to helping me.

Have friends help once in awhile.
Take a deep breath before you react

as soon as you can have more patience the overwhelmed will disapiar


you ae the adult, you know it is better to control yourlsef and have patiente with the kids (they are kids and they are expected t behave like kids)

the one that it is 8 can ne teach to be responsable (in case he is not) you can "trade" freedom for responsability
when he shows he is responsable in some areas then you give him freedom in those areas
do it slow, as for him to gain self esteem and confidence

it worked for me

Thank you for your input. Yes, I realize that I am the adult. I do not hurt my kids. I want to make that clear. I don't treat them bad. The lack of patience and feeling of being overwhelmed is something that I feel on the inside but not so much on the outside. Although kids are smart. They can tell when I'm stressed. Kids are lot smarter then what we give them credit for.

I have been trying to give him (my 8 year old) a little freedom in exchange for him being and acting more responsible but need to do more of it. That I know.

Thanks a bunch for your reply.

Have you tried any parenting classes? Sometimes they've got great ideas and tips on how to make life easier for you, and more fun for the kids. You've got a lot of responsibility and part of feeling overwhelmed is maybe not knowing how to handle everything?

Its hard to make specific suggestions but another thought is maybe trade daycare time with another mom in your area ... even if its only a couple of hours sometimes that can be a big help. Do you ever take a break? If not - you'd best start because being a parent is challenging - so you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Decide what the house rules are, be consistent in your discipline and also remember to have fun. Maybe log onto Super Nanny and see what suggestions that she's got. Sometimes its the small things and how we handle it that makes a huge difference between getting cooperation or chaos.

good luck and hopefully some of these various ideas will assist you.

You are a great Mother don't give up hope. You will make it ok.

it seems i did not express myself well

what i did was, to look in waht things my daughter was responsible, and in those things i give her freedom
instead of telling hwr i will give her freedom in fhe is more responsible

as an example

she was coming back home from school and doing inmidiatly her homeworks, later se watched TV
i realized it was a show she wanted to watch but sometimes she will miss it because the homeworks too more time
i told her, as i realized she is responsible with her homeworks, i will let her deice if she wants to take a break and watch tv and then come back to finish her homeworks

she was happy to be able to watch that show, she continue being resposible with the himeworks and she also started being responsible in other things

being a single parent is tough, i think what you are feeling is normal and we all experienced that so don't beat yourself up over it.

May help to get support from other Mum's in your position and family just to talk things thro with


Hi alex

hi Morgan

Shan:
I think that it is a good idea to put things that need to be done on a list.

That gets them off of your mind a bit really it does.

Organize
Catagorize
Prioritize.

This will split the burden even more.
Then it's things that Gotta be done and things you would like to have done.

And yes then delegate.I know to only one 8 year old soldier,What a trooper.

Then the reward.Ice cream perhaps or some kind of treats.Careful with the sugar it will only wind them and make things worse.

When things used to get chaotic we would make them run themselves exhausted tired around the building.(house.etc)
8 year old BOY,will step up easily if he feels the responsibility is somewhat fun.
Find a away to patch that in,,okay?FUN,,at 8 he will consider it a game.

Wish i had more,,that's it for now.Will let you know if i come up with something else.

Here.

Thanks for your suggestions. I will definately think about everything you said. I do try to balance things. I work full time, try to do fun things with my kids, and still try to find time to take care of other things such as yard work and cleaning the house. Just alot for one person to do! LOL

Yeah, I did mention to my sister about taking turns watching each other's kids so we both have opportunities to have "adult" time but she hasn't taken me up on it yet.

I guess you can say that while I'm at work, that is my break in a way. The kids' dad is not around so it's all up to me and only me.

I try to be consistant with the house rules. Thought about putting them on some poster board and hang them on the wall so that my 8 year old can read them and be reminded of what the rules are the the consequences that would be listed as well as the rewards next to each rule, cause if that would help him follow the rules, perhaps the younger two will see that and follow him???

Thanks for your reply too, I thought about finding a single parenting group somewhere but then it's like, when and how? Even if I found the time, it's like, who will watch the kids while I go to the group? Not unless they offer free daycare of some sort... hhmm.. will have to do a lil more research....

Yes, my sister and I talk about our frustrations and it helps us. Even though she's married but she doesn't work and has 4 kids and is home all the time. So it's hard on her too. Cause she is all alone with the kids during the day.

Hi in UK they have coffee mornings with a creche, you can get details from Doctor, Health visitor, or Social Services

Hey Walter! Thanks for your replay too! When my son doesn't want to pick up his room, and he wants to go somewhere, I say if you don't pick up your room, then we can't go.

I also keep things real with him. I explain the consequences of his actions. Not just for the moment but how it can effect him in the long run. Such as, if he isn't wanting to get up in the morning (no matter how early I put him to bed 7 or 8pm) I explain to him how if he doesn't get up, and get ready to go to school or now daycare since it's summer, then mommy can't go to work. If mommy can't go to work, we have no money. We have no money and we loose eveything including where we live. I'm not trying to make him feel too overwhelmed but he understands what I am trying to say.

I also talk to him about when he becomes a parent, how would he want his own kids to act? would he want them to listen to him. He is quite smart and understands these kinds of talks. Not trying to make him grow up too fast. Just trying to put it in his head how everything he does or doesn't do, has reactions. Some good some bad.

As far as sugar, no I rarely let my kids have sugar. The most sugar they get is in their breakfast cereals. That is about it or juice. I think i can count 3 times I let them have candy within the last month maybe two. Sure we bake cookies and cakes once in a blue moon. Just not alot.

I try to get him to go outside more but he fights me. Don't know what to do about that....