Random_Stranger wrote:Commitments to a long distance relationship is all questionable only to your intentions and devotion. Ask yourself how serious you are when you set your mind to something before initiating action towards a long distance relationship. With this day and age we live in, we want what we desire the fastest way possible. People risk and as a majority, seem to have less morals they concern themselves with. I bet most of you don't even know your own neighbors. What does that have to do with things? A lot. As we become more and more of individuals, the con to that is that we become more selfish and only aware of ourselves as if we were the only one who deserves the best in this existence. Therefore one will put their needs before considering someone else. Especially someone very very far away who will be clueless as to what you are up to.
As far as this site is concerned, I think it is best you do not attempt a long distance relationship unless you have put a lot of time in person with someone who mutually shares deep feelings for you in return. Most people on this site (no offense, but from my observations) have issues with insecurities, commitment, manners and a list of other things that affect social and personal relationships with even others within their own community, let alone with someone from an unfamiliar community that may be different of their own.Hope this helps and good luck to you in your choices.---Faust
Always good replies from you, my friend.
I think you have pointed out to something that I was looking for in my own analysis for quite a while. My last relationship was quite long distance - nothing to do with CS, nor with the Internet- , it lasted for a few years, with periods of living together and periods of being away from each other mainly because of the money, work, the future and all those things that torture women more than men. I mean, my own drive and decision would have taken any risky path to go on, but she had different views of things. Without getting into a detailed explanation I just think you have given me that element of the puzzle. It was simple and in front of my eyes all the time: many of us see the incoming loves as a life-saver, something that must give us something somehow just because we deserve it.
Nowadays I think that loves with such a selfish and materialistic basement can be functional somehow if the situation is affluent, never when scarcity or financial complications control the mind of people, then extreme selfishness takes over to decide what is good and what is bad.
I think my ex was quite right on what she saw as her own hard life and the things she needed from a partner -and I deeply understood that and did what I could- but her heart was closed by something you have described here, something that should always prevent you from getting into such complicated things that can only be taken by the idealist and open-hearted.
I would not try another relationship like that, not because I think it is impossible but because I have got so exhausted, just wanting to cuddle up in my inside and renew myself for the following years.
Good luck for everybody who takes a long distance love.
