Connecting Singles^® Forums100% Free Online Dating

Five qualities – deal breakers…

I have read that in order to find the person who is right for you, it is important to sit down and really think about and write down the qualities you are looking for. That one should really do a soul searching and then write it down clearly and fully. Many of us have done that and put it in our profiles.

What I am asking now is to narrow it down to the five more important.

So, aside from that the person would be physically attractive to you, which, we would all probably agree is a given—

What are the 5 most important qualities you look for in a mate?


Five only please.

It might not be easy to narrow it down: it wasn’t for me. But these are pretty much deal breakers. I don’t think I would want to be seriously involved with or could love a man who did not have these five characteristics.

In addition to listing the five, your comments on your choices would be interesting to have as well.

For me: (I don’t know in which particular order they belong; perhaps they are all equally important.)

1. personal dignity
2. ethical
3. intelligent
4. sense of humor
5. loving

People might wonder what I mean by personal dignity and why I think it is so important. I think of personal dignity as a characteristic in which a person respects and honors himself by behaving in the way in which he would not look back and feel ashamed of himself or to have dishonoured or disrespected himself. To me, a person with personal dignity lives his life according to his own deeply held values, respects himself, and endeavors always to be the man he believes he should be. He doesn’t have to be perfect at this, but he is always aware of it and endeavouring to behave with this sense of personal dignity.

Lest we forget "smoking".

1. Honesty
2. A good heart
3. Sense of Humor
4. Ability to communicate
5. Loving.

Smoking is a habit, not a personal quality or characteristic.....

Morning.
self-esteem
sense of humor
finacially securenon
non-judgemental
cares about others and helping when he can

but a deal breaker, nevertheless~


I would suggest that your list probably fluctuates give the time and mood of the person. What might be important one day might not be as important a month later. JMO

For the woman who will love you, it will have to be:

Smart A$$

Except for smoking?

Most likely, you're right.

Smoking that cheap weed again, I see

Cigarettes are about $10 a pack here, I think....don't indulge...

Well what I was told by a counsellor is that it's all very well to be looking for certain "qualities" in others BUT really we should start with ourselves IE make an honest list of our qualities then look for someone with similar qualities ... this would mean a more balanced relationship allowing growth for both from a similar starting point ...


I agree with everything else you say...
I won't make a list as I am already in a relationship so it's not relevant
Thanks for an interesting thread Potiea

1: Loving and (still) interested in a sex life...:-)
2: Organised.....there are a lot of "Chaos Children" out there....
....ie, don't bring your chaos, disorder, traumas and debts into my life, I'm not here to save you...
3: Honest, dependable and committed
4: Optimistic about life
5: Financially responsible

Yes I would agree with this...good point...

It would be pretty ridiculous to expect to be valued by someone with the qualities we value unless we aspire to or have those qualities ourselves.

I don't want to get my thread off track too soon, but I find this interesting...do you find that women lose interest in sex as they grow older? I would be surprised by that....Just from talking to the women I know, I would not think it is true...Just wondering.

It depends...it's just that people out there have different libido levels....for some couples, sex once a month is normal, for another, once a day is normal....
you want someone who roughly matches where you're at...dontcha?

...and yes, of course your libido wanes as the years go by....it's in the nature of things...
what role would rampantly horny 75 year-olds play in the ecosystem??....

I don't know for sure...I think libido decreases when people are in settled relationships, at any age, and it probably decreases after 70, but otherwise...I am sceptical. But it's a good point that a couple should be fairly well matched in this area ... otherwise pretty frustrating for the one with a higher sex drive.