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Okay I have an issue in my life that I can't seem to get figured out. Here goes nothing...

Ten years ago I had a huge problem with anxiety and depression. I joined a message board and started talking with someone. We became extremely close. We have remained good friends and talk in length at least once a week either online or by phone. We have both been there for eachother through 10 years full of problems and breakups. We love eachother very much (in a best friend type of way). There have always been issues keeping up from meeting. He is very busy with his band and I am busy with work, my son and school.
There came a point in time in our relationship where feelings started to develop. He felt like he was falling in love with me. I was in a relationship at the time though I knew deep down inside I was having some of the same feelings. We tried to ignore them.
Then about a year ago I realized that I was always going to wonder "what if" if we never met and actually saw if something romantic between us could actually work. We already knew from years and years of talking that there was a deep connection and undeniable love between us.
He was breaking off an engagement at the time last year. He was feeling the same thing, that we should meet, that we could possibly be eachothers soulmates. Well it just hadn't happened yet, with school I haven't been able to financially afford to go over there (Australia). He hasn't been able to afford it either. So his broken engagement caused him a lot of grief. He is a very loving, caring man and he felt extremely guilty for breaking off the engagement a month before the wedding. His parents were unhappy, she was unhappy, everyone was unhappy. Even though he was unhappy with her in the relationship he decided to give it another go. This was right when we were talking about being exclusive. He is now back with the woman and of course is absolutely miserable. She is controlling and jealous and does nothing but try to change the person he is. He is not allowed to have a beer after a show (he is in a band) because she doesn't believe in drinking. If he even looks at a waitress in a restaraunt she thinks he is flirting. She is just a very insecure person. I see this man trying like hell to make her happy but inside he is falling apart and so very unhappy.
I am still there for him and still talk to him often. He doesn't disrespect her with me (meaning he doesn't say things that could constitute cheating.) I know that he still feels the same way for me. He does say that he regrets getting back together with her. I tell him that it is good that he did because otherwise he would always question his decision.
I know he wants to leave her but he worries so much about hurting her.
Anyways I can't help but hope and sort of wait around and see what happens. I truly do wonder if he could be the person out there that is meant for me. It's hard and it's unhealthy I know. (No woman should wait for any man). But I can't help but love him.

Any advice from any of you that made it through this whole thing?
Is it time to let him go?
Is it truly that bad to wait around and see what happens? (It's not like I don't have other things going on in my life).

I don't know why I am sharing this... I guess I just need to hear some input from others.

if you love this man or think there is a possiblity you could do everyyhing to go after him!

have a carboot sale to raise money anything
and if you care for him you wouldn't let him go through this

sorry not expressing myself clearing enough you do care for him you know you do and think yes if he dumps her it will be short in comparison to the pain and grief he has put himself through for a long time. if he isn't happy he should split if he had doubts enough to break an engagement then he shouldn't be with her (sorry am not trying to offend if i have sorry)

You won't know until you try

No offense whatsoever.

Thanks for your input, yes part of me want to just do what ever it takes and go there. I just think that it will be a sticky situation if I don't wait for him to end things with her.

you have mail!

seriously i would go(even though i don' know him or the full situation) i am one of these people that always takes risks cause it is more fun you only have one life and what if he is your soulmate? what is life if you don't take the risk every so often. worse case senario you go over there and he stays with her and nothing happens best case you go over he dumps her you get married are in love and have tons of kids lol!

thank you. you have mail

let go by steps

he is married, and the same way you will not like some one to show up in your marriage i dont think it is a good idea to for yu to show up

second, i will not sugest you at any point to tell him to divorce her

if for whatever reazon things will not work amongh both of you, he will blame yu to break his marriage

third
do you love him?
love is to give
love is not to ask

but the love you have for him it as you said like sibligs, best friends, but not sure that is the romantic love

be there for him
as a gal you know better than him all the trick that he need to do to improuve his relationship
make your best effor in that direction, and if it does not work, he will leave her, by his choise, not because of you

then if that happens, you would be ready for each other
the friendship you have develop will help you to build that loving relationship you both want

He isn't married to her. They were engaged to be married and he broke things off. Later he decided to give it another try. They currently are living together as a couple but are not engaged or married.

At first my love for him was like best friends but now I don't know what it is. I would have to meet him to fully understand my love for him. I know that whatever it is, it is very deep.

I do worry about going over there and "breaking them up". I want him to decide to be with me without any influence. I agree with what you say. I do believe that if it is meant to be that our friendship will help build the loving relationship we both want.

Thank you for your advice alex!

"married" or "living toghether" is exaclty the same as the couple life, the diference is legal

use my "married" expression as "living toghether" as it is what aplies here

the only advantage that living toghether has in this case is that in case they break, that is faster than a divorce

yes you are right, that is very true!

I definately want to make it clear that I in no way want to come between their relationship. If he is happy with her then I am happy for him.

i disagree i don't think married and living together is quite the same. you get married when you are deeply commited to each other i lived with my partner for a year but there is no way i would get married to him yet. people move in together all the time. he wasn't commited enough to her to marry her and he is living with her to try and make things work but they obviously aren't.

Oh Jen,

You really have a difficult decsion to make.... You can hear peoples opinion, but you are really the only one that can make the decsion on what to do.... Make a list of the pro and cons,,,,,sometimes that allows you to see what you need to do...

Think with your whole being... not just your heart or your head.....

my best wishes for another gal to take your living boyfriend

as you are not fully commited then he can start havoing some one on the side

I guess it depends on the relationship. To some couples living together is a form of marriage. I know a few couples that choose not to marry because it is "just a piece of paper".

I have been in a long term relationship where I felt that we were basically married. If he were to cheat it would have been the same kind of adultery as a married man cheating.

So it definately depends on the relationship.

In his relationship, yes, he isn't committed enough to marry. He was just trying to do right by seeing if things could work.

Thanks for your support and advice Dori!

Well we just talked, I feel much better now. I have made my decision.
Thank you to those who took the time to read this. I don't post threads very often but comment on a lot of others. It means a lot that you replied.

I don't know what you decided Jen, but you have to meet him face to face or you will regret it the rest of your life....good luck to you....

I know it... Thanks Ken!

This is JMO - It is sometimes easy to fall in love with someone who is there when u need them - IE. just a phonecall away and this someone is the person u become very very close to - because they are "safe". What I mean by this is - somehwere deep down u knew that u would not be meeting anyway soon so it makes the relationship easier. It is harder to be true and talk to someone that you are gonna have to see the very next day but someone who lives so far away is not gonna turn up on your doorstep.

Maybe I am not explaining this very well. ......

But I do think that you HAVE to meet - whether or not anything comes of it, it makes no odds - if you dont you will ALWAYS wonder, what if? and you will never know if your feelings were real or not.

Plus you have to think - could he live in your world? and could you live in his? Over the phone or computer is very very different to real life

JMO