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A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He
rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's half-past three in the
morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and
rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer
that?" says his wife.

So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the
door
and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner
long
to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can
you
give me a push?"

"No. Get lost, it's half-past three. I was in bed," says the man and
slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says
"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke
down
in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the
baby-sitter
and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? What
would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would
be
the Christian thing to help him."

So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes
downstairs.
He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he
shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out
"Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: "Where are
you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing set."

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he
wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.' The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt!
Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,'

'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man , I have to give you something.

You won the bet How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what
do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!