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(she asked me to do this btw)




Just I am facing the dissolution, and will go to the family court soon. Now anything I should be aware of and be prepared for?

He has got a strong support- a woman who was divorced;

I am terrified - the house the money and my son. As very obviously he is prepared but I am not.

All the family tax credits are going to his accounts and he was transferring money to overseas.

He has been gathering evidence that I am not a great mum because he wants my son.



Some advice would be very appreciated.

Thanks
Flora



Flora has been to see a solicitor/lawyer today.. Anyhoo Flora.. what did they say?

have you got any friends or family around you Flora?

I am not very knowledgable in this matter ..
But i wish you luck Flora !!

oh my god...what a situation....:( hope she manages keep her son and house

I wish her goodluck Claire.

these things are not easy. It is hard to advise when it is such a serious topic and you don't know exactly what is involved. Worrying about the money, being slandered as a Mum is what she is paying her solicitor to prove/prove wrong. The best advice I can give her is to make sure she fights back and doesn't just lay down.


So sad when it comes to this. I was lucky me ex and I both seen how much we were going to be paying solicitors and realised its better off going towards the kids than to them and sat down and discussed and worked out everything together fairly.


Good luck and best wishes to her.

Wow...divorce is never a comfortable moment

Hopefully the lawyer will be able to help her and calm her fears.

One thing.....Ladies...

ALWAYS - Have at least one account, savings, checking, etc in your name only. That way you will always have an emergency source of money to survive on.

You never know when the tide might turn against you

I agree

Good Idea Joanie.. I did that in the last few years of my marriage too..

Courts only accept evidence as proof. She neeeds to get written proof that he sends money abroad or has other accounts. She also needs to get written proof of her character etc. She needs to get written evidence to counter the so called proof that he is gathering against her mothering skils. Unfortunately the courts will not take anything less than proof in written form from reliable sources.

hmm true. She should try to gather evidence just like he is doing !!

Firstly claayer

is this going on in the UK or abroad ?

As if it's over here, the judge will not grant anything until provisions have been made for the child/ren, this also means that the court welfare officer pays both sides at least one visit, talks to the child on thier own (if s/he is old enough ) contacts schools and has medical records of the family in question.

If there has been any kind of domestic abuse, this is also put in front of the judge.

In family courts here, the judges are quite aware of abusive controlling men saying that their wife/partner is a bad mother as they know it hurts the mother

Courts are generally different here from what people are suggesting. Proof isn't as important. Judges seem to realize that selfishness and grandstanding is a 'normal' outgrowth of divorce and custody hearings. Character assassination is an unfortuneate sideshow of proceedings. Judges for that reason tend to look at such evidence in the opposite light. Someone who has a great need to produce evidence (unless its reall serious) about another's character only does so because 'their' character is lacking. Most judges are pretty smart about the smoke and mirrors.

Generally what they look for is desire to have custody. Unless its serious proof, like child abuse or serious neglect, the judge is likely to ignore circumstancial and concocted evidence as tainted.

Just my opinion but generally you're better off not appearing combative, and bitter, but confident and mature. Judges rarely award custody of a child to a child. His so called evidence (if its not substantive) is meant to keep her down, thinking he has big guns and you have no chance of winning. An illusion at best. Sounds to me like the kind of guy who will hang himself, all she needs to do is give him enough rope.... and a smile

good luck doesn't apply, but good intentions do in family courts, remain calm, maturity counts big time.

Financial evidence is important though. If this guy is hiding and or funnelling funds in order to hide his financial situation that would be very much frowned on by a judge. I could be wrong, but I think its illegal to do so. Disclosure laws and all. If he is doing this and gets caught, the judge would view any of his evidence with a jaundiced eye.

Threats~ An act of 'coercion' wherein a negative consequence is 'proposed' to elicit response (in the case of an empty threat there is no real negative consequence).

wiki defintion.

My defintion ~ some poor bloke who knows he's/she's got nothing to stand on and creates castles in the sand.... laughter generally washes them away.

when we split (my ex-wife and I) we did the same

we sat down and worked things out

we agreed i will not pay alimony
we agreed i will not pay child suport
and we agreed we weill not split the assets

i got things as i wanted them

Seeing a lawyer was a good first step. Hopefully she gets a good one and follows their advice. It also nice to have moral support from her friends. The advice given here are good so that she has ideas on what to ask her attorney so that he or she can clarify things. Bottom line, nice to get the thoughts, support and ideas from all of us but she really needs to run everything thru the lawyer. Sometimes trying to take action by yourself in legal matters can make things worse. JMO

Where is flora from?

As far as the cash, she needs to have a copy of his bank statement before the divorce started to prove the amount on hand.

In most places the house would be either sold and the profit split or- one party can give 50% of fair market value to the other party.

"He has been gathering evidence that I am not a great mum because he wants my son."
First of all, it is not YOUR son.
wouldn't it be our son? does the child not belong just as much to the father.

but all I can say here is.. he can't gather evidence if there isn't any.
So, if there is no evidence you have nothing to worry about,, he can't prove what is false.

The only advice needed is..... get a good lawyer.