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I know i am thinking too much lately ...



well .. we have had threads on abuse and people have whole heartedly voiced their opinions and shared their experiences ...

But we also time and again get to hear of people , not just here but even in RL , saying too much emotional baggage will not be a very positive sign in a prospective someone ...

Considering that the abuse ( physical , sexual .. these being impossible to forget ) people face is obviously not what they could have controlled .. its almost going to be obvious that it leaves one emotionally scarred for a long time , even life time !!

Some people heal with time to repress it while some feel the hurt forever .. some of us learn to get along with it ...

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Now would you date or consider a relationship with someone who has such an emotional baggage ? or say such experiences in life ?
Will it be of concern to you when you are considering the person for a life partner ?


PS : As we know this is a personal and sensitive issue .. i request you to post responses accordingly. Thankyou

I can both emphasize and sympathize with people who have suffered abuse. Yes, I could become emotionally attached to someone with these issues. But must be wary of becoming co-drpendant with these people. If they wear their feelings on their sleeve, I think there is a problem. But to share private pain, in private wouldn't drive me away!!

It would depend on what kind of baggage it was. There are many different kinds.

If someone was full of hatred for women/men or people who live a particular way, because of their own experiences in life or love, then obviously they would be hard to get on with and maybe not worth pursuing for a relationship. Their baggage would have stunted their growth potential.

Some baggage is just experience that a person adds into their own characteristics and makes them maybe more tolerant, or careful, or kind, because they wouldn't want that to happen someone else. In that case baggage is good and could be lived with. It helps a person mature and maybe even be more responsible.

I think it's not so much the bagage....... It's how we carry it.

Everyone who ever lived has baggage. Baggage is character-forming for good or bad.

True ..

It is .. after a while its how we are going to let it shape us .. easier said than done but true.

It depends realy on the depth of the problem.

There is so called baggage, divorces etc.

And emotional trauma two completely different things.

It makes it very hard to begin a new relationship if you partner is still mentally living in the past one.

yes.

What if he is seriously scarred by some sort of abuse he faced in life ..

Don't we take all our past experiences with us, whether we deal with them or not?

The only difference here seems to be with those who don't deal with them, and then continue to live with them in the present.

Even if we let our past experiences go, so to speak, they still colour who we are, don't they, just for the fact that we have had those experiences? (In that, for a while, they cause us to fear certain situations or people).

This is a normal reaction to life surely?

You're throwing some very interesting threads lately Riya......

Providing a shelter to broken wings is something that has been a permament feature throughout my journey.......

However......it has always been with the same perspective that i have done so.....I do not have a magic wand that makes the pain or hurt go away.....nobody does.

It is up to the individual to heal from the inside. Others can only provide the shelter and the space to come to terms with whatever it is that occurred.

Our lives are like fridges, they have to be cleaned out sometimes, otherwise when you open the door the smells hit you in the face. Such also is baggage.

If that baggage becomes stale, yes, it would ruin a realtionship.

Providing support is one thing, becoming the permanent crutches that makes it possible to walk is another.

From experience, such situation only cause disruption to one's existance.

Beautifully said Kurzita .. I am of the same opinion that the effort has to come from within .. while we draw support from various means.

Well thats just a given really isn't it emotions don't just fade away into oblivion.

Every person will deal with emotions differently some choose to seek help others don't.

I dont believe I stated we dont take experiences with us.

Simply stating beginning a new relationship would depend on the depth of the baggage and in fact whether the person has chosen to seek help or not.

Yes agree very much so.

Such an emotional baggage,normaly,will be realized later on the relation starts.It wouldn't be fair to leave her alone when u learn the situation unless she carries it to your relation all the time...
If you knew at first about her trauma and became friends and had private relation sharing that problem with her,it means u have chosen this way.Knowing at first and seperating because of that reasonlater on, is kind of using her for a while.

Seeking help is a good point. Many don't think they need it and carry on letting it eat them instead of dealing with it and curing themselves of the pain so they can move on.

cant fix what you don't acknowledge;but if "said' someone knows their baggage and is working it through then yes I would date them. A willingness to 'own' your behavior is good thing for any relaionship either past or future baggage. Own it and I'm right there with ya. We all have suitcases that we open daily

Brilliant

::nodding in agreement:::

Thats a good point there epi.

Ginger, you always have very good input....I'll second this opinion 100%

will you be stowing your bags ma'am or is it that carry-on?