KHD100 wrote:Some things you get over....... ever watch a child that has been hit too often, and they cringe when someone raises their hands, even if they are not going to hit them?
Unfortunately some things will trigger a feeling or a memory, and there are coping methods, but sometimes it will not go away completely.
Sometimes the recovery is different from one person to the next.JMO, do not feel people completely recover from abuse, but find a way to go on, and yes every one has baggage, it just depends on each individual how much baggage they prefer to keep lugging around.
To be honest, I do not believe anyone is completely free of emotional baggage.
Left the ex, who was 6 ft 2, 400 lbs. a bully, negative and controlling. It was not until 2years ago, I could actually be comfortable alone with a male, sitting at table. even if it was just for coffee.
Did not try to date, meet or have a relationship until I felt I was well enough mentally, physically, and emotionally. There are triggers, that might bring back a memory, or a feeling.... and usually that is a red flag a person is not for me.
In my case it was not that I could like or love again, had to loose that feeling that I was not good enough, or no one would be interested.
Had to get over that stigma of my family's views on divorced women. My mother always said, a divorced woman is another man's piece of garbage. I know differently now, but add that to the brain washing of some one making you feel you are nothing. (that brain washing is done by males and females, and is usual treatment in abusive situations.)
If someone is willing to be there for you, and understand that sometimes, they will need to have patience with a person who has been through abuse, or a traumatic situation. Does not mean they need it 24/7. Also suggest you or anyone does not become the rescuer, because that is not healthy.
Do not do the rescuing. They have to work on themselves and not expect some one to make them feel better or save them.
Sorry for typing a long thread, and revealing more than intended.
Thanks for sharing ..
I have seen our society has a sort of skewed vision towards people who are divorced trying to nail down the blame on anyone peson and making them feel worse.
In all possibility that could probably be the best solution in the situation but many a times people think of it otherwise.