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Factual and honest. (I hoped I could avoid giving personal details on here).

Oh.. but what I meant was... to what you said earlier. I don't think every child is scarred.

My life after that.. yeah.. but not my childhood (thankfully!)

OK My childhood was not good. I have traumatic anmesia and post traumatic stress disorder and don't remember many years of it. I have no good memories and never played as a child.

There is much more to it than this, but here is a little. Factual and honest. (I hoped I could avoid giving personal details on here).

I was battered every day of my life, until I screamed (in the early years), and then until I stopped again, almost to death some times. Last time was when I was 21 and was cornered and left for dead, (the day before I was to fly to Kenya to do 2 years voluntary work). I only know this because two of my sisters and a brother witnessed it and helped me at the time, and told me not so long ago. I have no memory of it. I didn't learn to make noise again when I cried until I was 41 years old.

My mother was a psychopath with OCD and both she and my father got off on mentally abusing, beating and physcally abusing kids. I wore heavy clothing that covered my whole body most of my school years, so no one could see the welts they left on me. I was singled out and isolated to be picked on at their leisure. I had no friends because I was beaten for talking to anyone, even children.

I spent my early life trying to protect my siblings, often taking the blame for things which were not my fault so they wouldn't go through what I did. They told me this later. My brothers have been sending me mother's day cards in more recent years in appreciation.

I have spent over 30 years in various kinds of councelling, meditation and self help scenarios as well as 12 step programs, (not for alcoholism), to correct and try not to perpetuate the conditioning that was instillled in me. Psychologists have told me that I have survived more than would have happened in internment camps or other places of torture.

I have devoted my life to looking after kids who are in similar situations to the one I was in, who have ended up with no self esteem and are doing drugs and alcohol to forget............

I have been, and am, working on improving who I am from day to day and love and appreciate every little thing that any person, or just life does for me. I adore my children, grandchildren, and foster kids who are very good to me. I often wonder what I did to deserve them.

I am past the grief and anger and self recriminations now and the emotional part no longer bothers me, except when I see someone being bad to, or emotionally damaging kids. Then I speak up.

I am not telling you these things to get any form of sympathy or to impress you in any way, but because you asked.......

Now judge me as you will.

see this is the sort of thing I prefer in email praise to you for putting it in here I suppose we all deal with things differently, some us think we can heal the world because of what we have been through, some of us just hate, some of us think we have all the knowledge becasue of what we have lived through. At the end of the day we shouldn't lecture just advise and all situations are completly different no situation should be judged but listened too.

Opinions are only that.......................Opinions.

Opinions are only that.......................Opinions.

Agreed I am not one too share my life as you have and I praise you for that.

I rarely share mine. It brings up too much, but sometimes I find the courage to share some of it and be damned to anyone who judges me because I am different or open or opinionated.

Being ostracised is not something new to me nor is being judged because I haven't shared.

The lesson I learned best was detachment from interfering in other people's lives. We all have our own lessons to learn, our own way.

One of my best Buds has been married over 30 years, has the same complaint. I told it it was an "ACE" situation. Accept it.. Change it.. or Eliminate it. He nor anyone else can change another.

This guy lives in a "very" nice, nearly million dollar home, has all the "toys" (except a GF ). I said, "Bud, what are you "willing" to give up if you get a divorce"???

Whine, whine, whine, yet NOT willing to do a damn thing about it.

I once heard, "you identify the problem ONE TIME.. From there on, it is about a solution...
"NMP"!!!! Not My Problem...

I rarely share mine. It brings up too much, but sometimes I find the courage to share some of it and be damned to anyone who judges me because I am different or open or opinionated.

Being ostracised is not something new to me nor is being judged because I haven't shared.

The lesson I learned best was detachment from interfering in other people's lives. We all have our own lessons to learn, our own way.

My saying..... "It is my life, I live it, I love it. Let criticism be damned"..

We all arrive at the same place eventually, just some by more circuitous routes than others.

Hope you are well and somewhat happy...

"HAPPY"????? HELL YES!!!!

I have an friend/acquaintance who is in a quandry. I've been listening to him talk about his marriage and family but when it comes to giving my opinion, I'm hesitant to but others seem to be free with advice. I just thought I'd ask some opinions on here. Tell me what you think he should do. What would you do?

My friend 'John' has been married for 30 years--2 kids - one 28 just married and moved out last year, and one 21 living at the house with only a few months left of college. No physical or communication type of relationship with the wife. She will not discuss any issue and gets mad and throws things and hits him. Last time she hit him right in the privates when she threw something knocking the wind out of him. He told her the last two times, no hitting or he would call the police (but he didn't). If he even put an arm over her in bed, she would start hitting and yelling. He has no relationship with her other than the kids. What do you want for supper (and she means what are you driving to pick up) is the limit of conversation unless she asks why he didn't clean the house or finish the laundry. Some seven years ago, he caught her in an affair and she said all she wanted was the kids. He didn't want to lose them so they tried to start over. He has always worked lots of hours in his business to support the family. Now he wants to work regular hours and enjoy life, but she is always cranky to the point that friends and family don't even want to come over anymore. What does he do? She will not talk about anything and just sits there not answering any questions.

I think he's done all he can and its time for him to tell her to move on (they live in his family home where he grew up). He is afraid his kids will shut him out if he divorces. I suggested marriage counseling but she won't even talk about the issue of going to one. Any good ideas? How does he get her to talk about their problems?

One of my best Buds has been married over 30 years, has the same complaint. I told it it was an "ACE" situation. Accept it.. Change it.. or Eliminate it. He nor anyone else can change another.

This guy lives in a "very" nice, nearly million dollar home, has all the "toys" (except a GF ). I said, "Bud, what are you "willing" to give up if you get a divorce"???

Whine, whine, whine, yet NOT willing to do a damn thing about it.

I once heard, "you identify the problem ONE TIME.. From there on, it is about a solution...
"NMP"!!!! Not My Problem...

I like that , I hope you don't mind me saying!!

Talk to my mother, she will tell you that I NEVER did mind...

"HAPPY"????? HELL YES!!!!