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Nah, I've given up enough body parts already!

Perhaps the most difficult challenge in a relationship is to be willing to talk about things that make you feel uncomfortable. It only takes a few of such non-communication points to shut down a relationship, I think.

Hey hun not trying to be mean but WTF How old are you and do you not know what trust consists of ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? You've lived all these years and never trusted someone well i'll just stop there????????

some people see the expressing of your feelings as a weakness, (power struggles again) hence the discomfort in expresssing ourselves.

Truly, feelings do 'suggest' a weakness, an inability to cope with some part of life without breaking down; but, they are indigenous to mankind by and large. It baffles me that we lend creedence to emotions as 'weakness', rather than viable humane expression, that is love's offspring losing its way.

metaphoric miasmas.

I'd agree with you there. There's nothing worse than asking someone what's wrong only to get the inevitable nothing , or it doesn't matter, and avoidance or silence, when it's quite obvious there is something drastically wrong a lot of the time.

An unwillingness to talk then or later is very frustrating and kills relationships I feel.

What can be bad too is in order to avoid talking about one thing or acknowledging feelings, people divert the topic on to something that they nitpick to take the focus off themselves. That can be soul-destroying.

finally...someone giving away ass on this site



Thank-you Jesus!!!

















Even if I am not the recipient!!

I wasn't saying I never trusted someone. I was asking to see if there was something I was missing in trying to assess at what stage it became trust... for other people, as a way of finding out if they felt like me or had something else to add.

If we'd known you were that easily pleased....................

Ohhhh I AM easily pleased!!!....in fact, I'm just plain easy!!

There is also the more subtle resistance where getting a response on certain subjects is like pulling teeth. They may be willing to talk about it, but extremely grudgingly. They may also seek to punish you for bringing up the subject - perhaps with an attack on you about something else, or with anger, or with other possibly passive-aggressive techniques that let you know in no uncertain terms that bringing up the undesired topic will have negative consequences for you.

ya, diversion is a tactic, though most times instinctive of those who are not in touch with their feelings or those who see feelings as a weakness.

Some people have no intention of owning their part, but it is important to learn ways of presenting feelings in a non threatening way as well, its important to own them, or they come across as attacks., which generally incurr ire in someone who is also not aware enough of how feelings play out.

Now there's a testemonial and a half.........

In all fairness, I should add that sometimes one is justified in not wanting to discuss a subject - as when one's partner obsessively wants to review an issue over and over and over which does not promise any further resolution. For instance, I used to pester my ex about a particular former boyfriend she appeared particularly enamored with, and she grew understandably weary of my jealous picking at her about him.

Still, even in dealing with a person's insecurities or irrationalities, I think it is very dangerous to proclaim certain topics "untouchable." Even in the above case, I think it would be better to not shut the door on such a subject completely, but rather to argue clearly and firmly that one sees nothing good at all coming from such discussion. When a person's made to feel as though he or she must shut up about certain feelings, they will likely emerge elsewhere - and not in positive ways.

Exactly. It's great to not be the only one who's been there.......

This all reminds me of one of my favorite sayings.


"When your phone isn't working, you call the phone guy, not the plumbers"

So many times I see people bringing their sh*t to the forums, for gossip or support of their BS, not for any intent of resolution. Instead of making an attempt to talk with the person ythey're having the isuue with, they seek allies and and some useless affirmation from others that they are pristene in their part and righteous in their anger. One sided power trip.

:shaking head:

Been there for sure. Thought I was avoiding the angry outburst so played it down and stayed quiet, which was taken for not being interested and belittling the rant subject, so I got the angry outburst and personal attack anyway.

I find it is the hardest thing when being with someone to find a balance that allows them to talk about anything sometimes. It's like walking a tightrope. Acknowledging their feelings makes them feel sensitive and often causes avoidance, and playing it down or barely contributing to the conversation by just nodding or something, can cause anger anyway.

I think insecurity is a constantly re-occurring phenomina in most of us, Jeff. Its not so much rehashing the same old thing as dealing with it when it occurrs.

I dated a woman once who loved being naked in public places, driving on the highways, the beach, and not in a sexual way. Some days, I totally loved this about her and felt no insecurity at all, but there are days when I felt less secure, jealous even; its just life changing, feelings changing. I think its important for a partner to be considerate of those changes and want to behave in ways that don't make it worse. Its not so hard to tone down on days when your partner feels insecure AND its important for one with insecurities to be sure and understand that desire to be naked and present opportunities for her to experience it. Communication is life's oil can.

I agree with you wholeheartedly there, B. I believe Firelighter pointed out something similar lately.

The "blame-game" is a very dangerous strategy. You may make yourself feel good for a time - it's always intoxicating to have other people take your side and proclaim how evil the "other guy" is - but in the long run you mostly short-circuit your own progress by avoiding self-knowledge. People who habitually blame the "other guy/gal" deny themselves the opportunity to understand their own negative contributions in a relationship, and thus, like people who don't study history, are condemned to repeat them.

Yep. I recon the dialogue has to actually be productive in dealing with a person's feelings so that the subject doesn't come up over and over again. A conclusion or closure is important if it is at all possible, with at least some compromise discussed.