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A wee old man went into a chemist to buy Viagra.

"can I have 6 tablets, and can you cut them into quarters for me?"

" I can cut them into quarters sir" says the chemist, "but a quarter won't give you a full erection"


"I'm 96 " says the old man, " I don't have any use for an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't piss on my slippers!!!"



OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ''Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'



A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if
she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your
sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then
ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money
to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him
in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied 'Do you know what a million bucks
would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his
dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars..

But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo.

good one