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I dont want this taken as a rant or anything just an experience I have had happen to many times. If there are threads on this I apologize. I posted something like this elsewhere but I had been dateing somebody for a couple weeks. To make it short we got very close in those 2 weeks, they were local, and there wasnt much we didnt do together. Mind you none of what happened was really my idea as im fairly shy and dont usually become the aggressor in any relationship. This time she was and we talked about ALOT of things prior to our first meeting. Anyway we got close as I said and I thought things were going great. I thought it was right and couldnt get any better and thought we were meant to be together and I treated her like a queen cuz I usually do with somebody I care alot about.

I was asked by her to spend a weekend with her, and really looked forward to that I figured this was the weekend when she would open her heart completely cuz it seemed she had been holding back some out of fear of the newness etc which was understandable. With me tho im willing to take chances and go that extra mile to see if it is something real regardless of risk. Without risk nothing gained. Well friday comes, no word. Sat comes, no word. I tried contacting her no reply. Weekend ends and up comes monday when I get a email giving me the whole rap of its not you its me, im not sure im ready for all this etc etc. You know that whole speech. Like i said things went according to her plan not mine and how close we got was really all in her court and it sucked me in.

It just kills me how alot of people ask "where are all the nice men" or "why cant I find a decent guy to treat me well" or vice versa that of a guy asking this same thing of a woman. When somebody comes along and finally treats them like they want to be treated and its genuine not an act, you get this. The whole I dont know what i want or im not sure im ready deal. You really have to be carefull when you decide its my time to date or meet somebody. You may become close sometimes slow sometimes fast. Sometimes its good sometimes its bad. But when you start asking where are all the good men/women at start wondering about how many have been driven off or just given up due to situations like this where you may be ready and the best thing for somebody or it might just be the dream thing you wanted, yet the person your with is flaking out. At least be ready for what might happen especially if its intense like this was for me and seemed great, but ended up breaking my heart in the end.

Just my most recent experience with dating and why im skeptical there is really even somebody i will ever connect with.

Sounds like she jumped in thinking she was ready for whatever, and she realized she isn't.

It happens, unfortunately. When people do that, they are operating "kinesthetically", meaning they don't know how they feel about something until they try it.

I'm sorry it happened to you...

:-(

I can understand that. I am even willing to accept that as well.

My problem with it and this particular situation is that it wasnt once, it was twice. We were not strangers by any means * hint* * hint* so it wasnt like she couldnt have felt this way before all that. Thats what i mean by we talked about alot of things, this included. I tried to cover all bases to know for myself that something like this would not happen.

Even before our umm *close time* I asked if its what she really wanted. It didnt have to go any further. I am respectfull and would not make somebody do something they were not comfortable with. Asked it repeatedly actually just to make sure. Was always yes, this is what i want blah blah blah.

So it wasnt like I didnt give her the chance to back out or think about it. But then we had our umm *closeness* again..lol (sorry trying to not be to crude) It was always so passionate and felt so right. By her and me. Then not but a day after that then decides she isnt ready?

She was ready for some sheet poppin but not for something real...

Heh guess im the fool for it. I got played basicly i think and it killed any motivation I had to really find somebody special. Makes me also doubt it can happen online or maybe it just not meant to happen to me. I think i mentioned we met online altho she was fairly local to me.

Basically anybody normal out there who wants to be treated decent and has no baggage they are dragging like this cuz so far im batting a whopping zero..lol

I don't think you got played... it's possible she just got cold feet and not ready for it all.

Sorry for your experiance. Sit back, relax...and when you least expect it...

All the best.

Maybee you where pushing to hard and therefore it became puppylove for her. Leave some mysteries next time with this type of women. Others they adore puppylove. Hard to tell wich though.

Or this one is going to sting. Maybee the performance wasn´t up to the expectations she had going into the relationship. Sometimes it´s easy building up a sandcastle of imaginations, but hard to keep it standing when the first wave of passion comes along and it´s all turned in to the sand it actually was.

I can honestly say from our last encounter that performance was not the issue. Ill leave that to the imagination and im not boasting my own ego you can just tell these things.

You are right tho and it didnt sting a bit. That can be an issue but from what I can gather from that day, im pretty safe in that department. I really didnt understand what the deal was. I knew something was wrong and not right but not sure what. To admit it herself it felt right, and was great, but to blow it all to hell because of some fear kinda kills me. Just the fact of looking to date somebody and not knowing if your ready is a killer. I must just be different in knowing when im ready and when im not.

As far as me pushing things, big no. I was not the agressor as I said and usually I am not becuase im kinda reserved and shy it was all her. I didnt even expect or think it would go where it went, but it did.

Do i regret it? No. If it wasnt for this I could see myself with her still. Do I think she would ever change her mind and realize what she gave up .. Doubtfull. Usually when you get this its the "ive had enough of you or got what i wanted .. Next!!" type of thing.

I thought i had good instincts. Maybe i just played myself thinking something this good could happen. Cant dwell on it but still is not a good way to treat people. Especially when you give them 110% and more if you can.

Dear Shy, the very least she owed you was to be honest on Friday, not on Monday. That would have ticked me off too. If it was too early for the weekend thing, she should have been honest with you. You may have gotten mad, but your respect for her could still be in tact. To bad you wasted a entire weekend on a woman who was still figuring out what she wanted. As a woman I understand how our roller coaster of feelings can get us into trouble and confuse the heck out of men, but a decent guy especially deserves the truth. Good Luck:) There are women who know what they want:):) Find you one, and get the love you deserve.

As you so early in your post said No pain no gain.

this is the way things go, she could change her mind .

you did what many will not, you put yourself out there. Just for whatever reason ...good or bad, did not work or go as you had planned.
Who knows maybe she reading ths right now and your words in print are reachng her.
Maybe your heartfelt words are effecting someone else who nows see you in a different light.


what ever happens next remember, to feel love you must be willing to experience the pain ....

pain heals, chicks dig scars, and love is he greatest accomplishment of all.( borrowed this from Replacements)


just an opinon