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maybe the younger set here can share when they discovered a respected elders of theirs showed signs of this and how they handled/dealt with it.

but to the issue mental deficiencies can plague us all to certain degrees as we age.

how would you handle it?
openly and honestly,
only those in family would be informed,
If I have to tell them its not bad enough to worry about.

I have none to lose. I think I have made that obvious. And I don't give a rat's patooty who knows it.

I have been there because of sress some yrs. ago and then I saw it happening.ettng older seldom do the elderly see they are becoming more needy.

My father has had series of strokes for a few years now and is definitely not compitent in many ways to look after himself. He is dizzy and often falls over, sometimes hurting himself. He refuses to stop driving his car. He goes out walking alone. He spends hours in his garden weeding etc. even though he often doesn't know where he is after one of his turns. He recons he is fine and has an independant streak a mile wide and refuses all offers of help.

Family won't cross him because it just upsets him and raises his blood pressure even more, and because they are afraid to fall out with him in case he will change his will and they won't inherit their share of his nearly 4 million.

He won't allow anyone to live with him, since my mother died a few months ago, nor will he allow regular help, except occasionally a home help a few hours a week to tidy and dust a little. He won't tolerate family help at all.

The trouble is not that he is not intelligent or losing his faculties, but that he is too intelligent and sees all the ruses comming and has an answer ready for them all, to get what he wants.

one hour has passed I can only assume from the lack of responses ... Many are Simply Not Telling one way or the other.

Yes...Right now.....

That sounds a difficult situation for all of you concerned to have to cope with.
He could be in denial because he is frightened of losing total control, plus he must still be greiving badly for your mother.
How do you cope?

What good comes from sharing experiences with the younger ones? I didn't listen when I was younger, I thought I knew it all. The younger ones won't listen today, they know way to much.

We take turns visiting him, when we can catch him home and sneak around trying to do little bits or bring little bits that we know he needs.

He always knows though and tells us not to so we justlaugh it off and try changing the subject. I worry about it though.

Work real hard for long hours, get lots of "stuff". Try to impress your neighbors..

We don't livein a culture where there is respect for our elders anyway, not like China or India, where they still have it right.

On joining CS.... I think

I am in nearly the same boat with my mother. She is going down hill fast, Monday I had to put her in the hospital and really didn't think she would make it through the day. Wednesday, I brought her home but she is weak and tires very easily.

This morning I have an appointment with a group called "Interfaith". They have lots of information about where I can get a little help to make mom more comfortable during her final time. Right now I caqnnot get her to do much of anything. She sleeps a lot, has some good days and some bad days.

Being a caregiver is much more difficult than I ever anticipated but a promise is a promise..

About 3 years ago, I tried to "fix mom up" with a elderly widower I know. I thought the companionship would have been good for her. She went through the roof....

I can sympathise with that HJ. It is not only hard work, but often soul destroying to watch them get weaker and not be able to do anything except look after the basics of their daily needs, often with no respite.

Oops...... totally back fired then.... ah well you tried HJ

She is like other women I know. "I DON'T NEED NO DAMN MAN."

Me on the other hand, openly admit I am old & senile...