How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?

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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:17 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
FlowerOfTheSun: At one stage, I did a bit of autimatic writing to answer a q about relationships ...

This is an extract of what "my hand" wrote:

... encouraging both to use faith in self and the other as an underlying force within the relationship. With faith (in self & the other) comes trust and motivation and peace. Faith in oneself and the other allows the truth that whatever the other does is never for the detriment of the relationship in intention. Faith (in self & the other) erradicates doubt in self and other. It brings positive reactions and ways of being. Positive ways of being bring positive reactions from other and so on and so forth. When things go wrong, and you are both wondering what the heck is going on and how you got there... Your sabotaging minds and allowing doubt to set in, is how you got there. And letting negativity take hold above love and commitment.

Moving on from such negative place is easy!! Call a truce. Make it possible for the other to make first step or make it yourself. Understand the other's view point and then forgive!! Don't forget!! Just forgive. Accepting each other as you are is not easy. Accept from the other what does not affect you personally, by that I mean quality of life. Tolerate the rest if possible. Tolerate does not mean embrace. It means tolerate without fuss. It's a kind of acceptance without encouragement...PS. Automatic writing can be used to allow a higher level of consciousness to "speak". To do automatic writing, get pen and paper, sit confortably, relax, ask a question, void your mind, let your hand do the writing without interruption or pause. Don't stop to question clarify or draw conclusions. Just keep on writing, don't worry about spelling or punctuation. Let it flow ...


So true. I would hate to know that the girl I let slip away at 18 was truly my soul mate. It would mean no one else will do. Loving someone is not a skill we were born with: we have to develop it. grin
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:47 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
If and when love "dies", is it in one party or always both?confused

Does one party perceive the grass to be greener on the other side or does both?dunno
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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:56 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
HJFinAZ: If and when love "dies", is it in one party or always both?

Does one party perceive the grass to be greener on the other side or does both?


Usually it is one party first. That is why there is so much hurt feelings and anger when the other finds out. Of course this is usually due to the fact that they did not see the signs or was trying to flog a dead horse. JMO

Not sure about this. However a battered or unloved spouse would see ANY grass as greener.cheers
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:00 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Lonely1:

Not sure about this. However a battered or unloved spouse would see ANY grass as greener.


I agree. My question is geared more to one simply not getting enough (of whatever).


I must state this. In every breakup, I DID play a role but it was after the fact that I seen my role.
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Aries01 Kent, Kent, England UK
Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:54 AM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
livinglarge: No way ... love is like a bus .............. wait 5 minutes and another one comes along
I am kinin of course , but if love broke down , I wouldn't try to flog a dead horse


Why after centuries of relationships and decades of 'relationship experts' do we know even less about love....

Relationships are relationships whether they are with family, friend or partner.. and they WILL hit bumps along the way, sometimes even GIANT boarders... but love.. genuine love that is, is supposed to be the fuel that enables us endure these trials, because it is the fuel that gives us the endurance and determination to push forward...

We wouldn't dump our parents, siblings or best friend in times of trial would we? the same should go for a partner... this is why friendship is sooooo important in a relationship... it is a solid foundation.... we tend to expect something supernatural from the opposite sex... why??... media perhaps?.. celebrity culture and Hollywood... cmon people... get a grip... do we want to grow old with our wives/husbands beside us, lots of grandchildren, and happy kids.... or two we want to have a string of 'exes' behind us cause we couldn't be bothered to put up with their 'habits' endure trials etc.... or are we going to stick with it, work on it.. forgive if necessary (no matter how hard) and move on!!
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somechick Cincinnati Ohio, Ohio USA
Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:11 AM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Being loving and sharing love keeps love alive. Being loving and sharing love means:

When each person learns to take responsibility for their own feelings rather than making the other person responsible for their feelings of worth, lovability, security, happiness, joy or pain.
When each person has their own and their partner’s highest good at heart. when we both support our own and our partner’s joy and well being. Both of us are considerate of the other person without giving ourselves up.
When each person chooses to be honest and authentic about how we feel and what we want and don’t want. That we are each willing to speak our truth without blame or judgment.
That each person stays open to learning about our own and our partner’s wants, needs, and fears, especially in conflict.
I think what keeps love alive is each person’s willingness to do whatever inner work is necessary to keep the heart open to loving and learning. Controlling behavior is motivated by fear – of loss of self and loss of other, of engulfment and rejection, of smothering and abandonment.

When each person is willing to do the inner work necessary to heal these fears, they are able to keep their hearts open more and more of the time. Love flows freely when hearts are open to loving and learning.


JMO
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:03 AM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
somechick: Being loving and sharing love keeps love alive. Being loving and sharing love means:

When each person learns to take responsibility for their own feelings rather than making the other person responsible for their feelings of worth, lovability, security, happiness, joy or pain.
When each person has their own and their partner’s highest good at heart. when we both support our own and our partner’s joy and well being. Both of us are considerate of the other person without giving ourselves up.
When each person chooses to be honest and authentic about how we feel and what we want and don’t want. That we are each willing to speak our truth without blame or judgment.
That each person stays open to learning about our own and our partner’s wants, needs, and fears, especially in conflict.
I think what keeps love alive is each person’s willingness to do whatever inner work is necessary to keep the heart open to loving and learning. Controlling behavior is motivated by fear – of loss of self and loss of other, of engulfment and rejection, of smothering and abandonment.

When each person is willing to do the inner work necessary to heal these fears, they are able to keep their hearts open more and more of the time. Love flows freely when hearts are open to loving and learning.JMO


Why do women so often state YOU hurt MY feelings??confused
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thewall2 montreal, Quebec Canada
Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:48 AM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Keeping my GRATITUDE list in check.


Off to work.



super
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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:31 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Make sure she gets hers before I get mine.smitten heart wings kiss

Remember folks: this is an "How To - as in 'Actions'" thread, not a 'What we think it should be, thread.'
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lifeabundant Sams Valley, Oregon USA
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:45 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?

if I knew that I wouldn't be here.
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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:34 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
lifeabundant: if I knew that I wouldn't be here.


You are so right. Maybe I should leave....grin dunno
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druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:38 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
I can't even begin to answer this...I've never had a marriage last long enough! rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:41 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
druidess6308: I can't even begin to answer this...I've never had a marriage last long enough!
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:43 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
druidess6308: I can't even begin to answer this...I've never had a marriage last long enough!


With so many experienced people on CS you will get lots of feedback.

When he ask you to jump, always say 'How high?"
grin
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Besame Boston, Massachusetts USA
Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:43 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be on a dating website
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Cary0608 Mandaluyong City, Quezon City Philippines
Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:38 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Keeping the relationship intact invloves a conscious and lifetime decision from the people involved to stick it out with each other. the cliche 'it takes two to tango' would be applicable.

lips
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druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:41 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Lonely1: With so many experienced people on CS you will get lots of feedback.

When he ask you to jump, always say 'How high?"


I thought that was the other way around...when she asks you to jump, always say 'How high?'

laugh laugh laugh
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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada
Fri Sep 26, 2008 9:27 PM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
Cary0608: Keeping the relationship intact invloves a conscious and lifetime decision from the people involved to stick it out with each other. the cliche 'it takes two to tango' would be applicable.


Actually, the best way to make the relationship work is to not make any mistakes. professor
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samora77 Staten Island, New York USA
Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:36 AM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
KrazieStill: Great SEX


I agree great SEX !!! and don't stop because they say you're too old

having great sex is the key to a long and lasting love life. thumbs up
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Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:44 AM CST : How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....?
You just do, if it is love then it will survive, or it should...

Whatever has happened, yet people give up...

There are not many things that I would not forgive, I have forgiven many, that does not make me a doormat, nor does it make me take anything, but if I love a person I would do anything to help it survive, like a child or animal that needs love, you feed it, nurture it, help it, love it...

Yet some people are never able to grasp that context...

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