"I" statements

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jbibiza Ibiza, Islas Baleares Spain
mylifewithu: I don't see where it really needed a frame of reference, someone sounding low in spirit that day and still grieving being told that, they shouldn't post their stuff , just burns me up. I like her she is a very nice person, she had a good love that died, and she is still hurting , where is your compassion to people like this. I don't see that as being supportive basically telling her to get over it. Do you understand where I am coming from on this.
I posted it here, cause you stated you always say I statements, well you are not using I statements right. I statements say when you do this, it makes Me feel this way. etc. It's not a personal attack or anything, and not belittling them.
I am upset, I have grieved for the death of a loved one, my own sister. < That is a I statement. People can't just get over it. We all have to deal with it and heal. I just beg you to have more compassion for people cause I am not seeing it.



I understand what MF was saying.... we have all suffered loses of people who were dear to us, and it is agonizing to recover from. But there is a time, place and people to whom that grieving should be shared with. One or two comments on a forum with people you don´t know when it pertains to the topic being discussed I understand, but continual comments about your loss and grief to people who don´t know you and who are not effected by it I have a hard time understanding.

I was in a situation when my daughter was in gymnastics where the mother of my daughters best friend lost her father. The girls had an out of town gymnastic competition that weekend so I told her mom, Deb, that I would take them to the meet giving her some time and space. At the last minute Deb changed her mind and said that she wanted to come, she didn´t feel like being alone. That was fine, I took her and 4 of the girls competing to the meet where we were staying over the weekend.

While I understand that Deb was in a lot of pain losing her dad, she made the weekend miserable for the girls...they were afraid to laugh and have a good time... they were not directly effected by her loss... was it fair to put them in her grieving process?

I´m not saying that SC doesn´t have a right to post what ever she chooses to and up until now I have never commented on it. But when I see someone getting attacked, for what I thing, was a comment made in concern rather than maliciousness.... I do feel obliged to say something.

soulmateTWS somewhere, Alabama USA
mylifewithu: I don't have any problem with all of that , but when we all know what a good person is going thru and grieving , they shouldn't be attacked and told get over it. Thats what I am burned about. I am just showing someone a wrong so they can correct it before doing more damage to sweet nice person.
I don't have anything against people that want to laugh at things I do that myself to keep things light. But I would not jump someone cause they aren't


Ok, this is just MYspin on it...everyone grieves in their own way...some take quite a long time...some don't...some are very verbal...some are quite about it...some handle it better than others...but there's no right or wrong way...it's done in one's own time...whatever is right for them...or that's the way I see it...

As far as trying to keep things light...I've definitely been guilty of that. It's not that I don't empathize or sympathize, because I do. Although I do try to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings...Hopefully, I've succeeded.
I can't imagine the pain I'd have to endure if I lost my husband. I don't even think I can fathom the feelings...I can't imagine how that feels and I pray that I never have to actually face it. To those that have...My heart goes out to you...sad flower

Oh my, I think I've gone off track here...well...anyways...Let's all try to be more tolerant of each other...faults, quirks, and personality differences...teddy bear
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
soulmateTWS: Ok, this is just MY spin on it...everyone grieves in their own way...some take quite a long time...some don't...some are very verbal...some are quite about it...some handle it better than others...but there's no right or wrong way...it's done in one's own time...whatever is right for them...or that's the way I see it...

As far as trying to keep things light...I've definitely been guilty of that. It's not that I don't empathize or sympathize, because I do. Although I do try to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings...Hopefully, I've succeeded.
I can't imagine the pain I'd have to endure if I lost my husband. I don't even think I can fathom the feelings...I can't imagine how that feels and I pray that I never have to actually face it. To those that have...My heart goes out to you...

Oh my, I think I've gone off track here...well...anyways...Let's all try to be more tolerant of each other...faults, quirks, and personality differences...
thumbs up hug wine
HJFinAZ Sun (Sin) CIty, Arizona USA
In the 3rd Edition, the term "I" is used 7,214 times. Would that mean people such as "I", also suffer from an extreme case of the "I's"??confused



Some will get it, some will not..rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing



kurzita Xaghra, Gozo Malta
I....

Me.....

Beautiful.....


dancing dancing dancing
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
jbibiza: I understand what MF was saying.... we have all suffered loses of people who were dear to us, and it is agonizing to recover from. But there is a time, place and people to whom that grieving should be shared with. One or two comments on a forum with people you don´t know when it pertains to the topic being discussed I understand, but continual comments about your loss and grief to people who don´t know you and who are not effected by it I have a hard time understanding.

I was in a situation when my daughter was in gymnastics where the mother of my daughters best friend lost her father. The girls had an out of town gymnastic competition that weekend so I told her mom, Deb, that I would take them to the meet giving her some time and space. At the last minute Deb changed her mind and said that she wanted to come, she didn´t feel like being alone. That was fine, I took her and 4 of the girls competing to the meet where we were staying over the weekend.

While I understand that Deb was in a lot of pain losing her dad, she made the weekend miserable for the girls...they were afraid to laugh and have a good time... they were not directly effected by her loss... was it fair to put them in her grieving process?

I´m not saying that SC doesn´t have a right to post what ever she chooses to and up until now I have never commented on it. But when I see someone getting attacked, for what I thing, was a comment made in concern rather than maliciousness.... I do feel obliged to say something.
I know other peoples depression can put a damper on things for others. I understand that, but at same time , it's not something someone can just get over. And where ever someone grieving and dealing with depression go they will carry that into most things they say. Thats where we need the compassion to understand them and give them that. Thats all I am asking.wine
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
bodleing: Damn, cream sauce!!!!

I've just cooked and eaten a nice steak.

That post just reminded me, the pepper sauce

is still in the microwave


perhaps this is the birthday which senility creeps in laugh

i have junior senior moments every day

crying
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
mylifewithu: I am just asking you for compassion for the woman and not tell her to get over it, nudge them to another idea of healing won't help with grieving. Now if you were a close friend and you took her to someplace to get out of the house those are gentle nice things to do to help someone past that. But I don't go for someone throwing what they are going thru in their face. Just asking you to be more compassionate about someone grieving..
I am just assuming that because she is friends with Daniel is why you have been attacking her , I have read other post towards her, from you. We now know the truth about him, but that doesn't make her as bad as him, she is just a victim of his lies as most others.
I am not attacking you, just pointing out something that I hope you can take under consideration. And truely give her a little compassion and not jump her.


mylife

check the dates


se thats what i mean by context

i spoke with her before she and daniel ever spoke i think

im not discompassionate
again thats how it seems to YOU
and im sorry for that as ive said

i never said someone shouldnt grieve
i made a suggestion based on a frame of reference

i have grieved
we all do it differently

i dont know what your previous opinion of me was
i dont know what your current opinion is
well kinda i guess i do

but i know for sure i cannot control that

handshake
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
mylifewithu: I know other peoples depression can put a damper on things for others. I understand that, but at same time , it's not something someone can just get over. And where ever someone grieving and dealing with depression go they will carry that into most things they say. Thats where we need the compassion to understand them and give them that. Thats all I am asking.



well thanks JB
i knew i wasnt insane or completely cruel

also i wish people would see the timeline sometimes instead of jumping to conclusioons
while reading posts here and there and forming conclusions maybe look at date stamps on the posts?

there was a frame of reference
i am not the only one that saw it

i do practice compassion and lets face it we all can use some practice at it
but i do not know if this person is who they claim or if the story is as they claim
regardless i have given the benefit of the doubt and been myself in responding
and im not cruel OR malicious and frankly its tiring to be portrayed that way-but i sometimes find it silly

i posted that to SC after certain correspondences
i didnt feel or intend it as mean
later ---days later-when daniel showed up to take her up in his arms and comfort her as no one else can somehow i became a bad guy-and daniel then felt it appropriate to tell me i was a waste of human flesh and such

thats how it went down

i dont need to be asked repeatedly to be nice i am nice
just not always comfortable
jbibiza Ibiza, Islas Baleares Spain
mylifewithu: I know other peoples depression can put a damper on things for others. I understand that, but at same time , it's not something someone can just get over. And where ever someone grieving and dealing with depression go they will carry that into most things they say. Thats where we need the compassion to understand them and give them that. Thats all I am asking.



And so because you feel compassion for someone it justifies hurting someone else who commented in a manner that she felt was correct and compassionate in her own way... I guess what I´m asking is "Why is the grief that SC is going through, so much more important then the way other people feel?

I´m not trying to be nasty or snide... it is an honest question, isn´t everyone entitled to the same empathy?
Hugz_n_Kissez Someplace, Ontario Canada
This is not a one time occurrence and it has nothing to do with time lines....there are other threads which you have jumped on Anna...you have targeted me and Oslo and now Anna....I don't people are pigeon holing the fact that this was a mistake...it wasn't....nothing you do or say is a mistake and a misstep and nobody is attacking you..just simply telling the truth finally after all these months...3 women targeted by you and for what????


2 who saw who you really were so broke off their friendships with you and one who has done absolutely nothing....rolling eyes
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
ya know what else i want to add?

i have been open in the time ive been here

shared my pain in the loss of my dad who lived with me and my fiance of 8 yrs' sudden death within 3 weeks of each other-that was very fresh when i first came to CS

i was also very ill when i came to CS

i have been told by the very same women and daniel thru those times that i was lying
exaggerating
should hush about it
and also that i was some kind of fake profile and that i am a man

more than once

where was anyone calling for compassion then?

at least the times i have mentioned my grief was in response to someone else having pain and trying to let them know they werent alone-not to say i am better than anyone -im not

its ridiculous the way some are "protected" and defended and others are left to twist in the wind
namely me
and if i ever god forbid mention it im accused openly by these same people of being a self centered attention seeker

i mean in my world
principle is principle is principle and wrong and unkind are the same across the board-thats the way i have always posted

no one can say ive ever been partial

for that "i" am glad

can this please be over

this remark about her grief was quite awhile ago
i dont even speak to daniel-for no particular reason
somebody wound him up
he spewed
everyone wants to drag it on and on

i think its all been said already hasnt it?
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
Hugz_n_Kissez: This is not a one time occurrence and it has nothing to do with time lines....there are other threads which you have jumped on Anna...you have targeted me and Oslo and now Anna....I don't people are pigeon holing the fact that this was a mistake...it wasn't....nothing you do or say is a mistake and a misstep and nobody is attacking you..just simply telling the truth finally after all these months...3 women targeted by you and for what????2 who saw who you really were so broke off their friendships with you and one who has done absolutely nothing....


thats just untrue

i dont jump on people
if i did
im sure more than just you and oslo would have been hatin on me by now

but then you are the only qualified judge of character here arent you?

and you will never give up trying to convince people im this that and the other

that is your choice
you use your time as you see fit
we all do
and its no ones business really what choice we make is it?
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
jbibiza: And so because you feel compassion for someone it justifies hurting someone else who commented in a manner that she felt was correct and compassionate in her own way... I guess what I´m asking is "Why is the grief that SC is going through, so much more important then the way other people feel?

I´m not trying to be nasty or snide... it is an honest question, isn´t everyone entitled to the same empathy?


can you please take that wig off
i cant focus

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
mindfful: well thanks JB
i knew i wasnt insane or completely cruel

also i wish people would see the timeline sometimes instead of jumping to conclusioons
while reading posts here and there and forming conclusions maybe look at date stamps on the posts?

there was a frame of reference
i am not the only one that saw it

i do practice compassion and lets face it we all can use some practice at it
but i do not know if this person is who they claim or if the story is as they claim
regardless i have given the benefit of the doubt and been myself in responding
and im not cruel OR malicious and frankly its tiring to be portrayed that way-but i sometimes find it silly

i posted that to SC after certain correspondences
i didnt feel or intend it as mean
later ---days later-when daniel showed up to take her up in his arms and comfort her as no one else can somehow i became a bad guy-and daniel then felt it appropriate to tell me i was a waste of human flesh and such

thats how it went down

i dont need to be asked repeatedly to be nice i am nice
just not always comfortable
I myself never stated maliciousness being done and I never attempted it to make it sound like that.
I simply have stated I see a wrong someone is doing and pointing it out. I don't care about time lines. I stated to Anna on the bee thread I wish I had seen it sooner. I might have stepped in then and said my peace then.
No we don't know their story of who they are is correct about them. So I can also say that can be said about you or me. I am not trying to start anything. I wanted to set things on a bit of good path for the woman , you said you give benefit of the doubt to people. Thats what I give to her and to you and to all I talk to here. They are innocent until I see otherwise.
But we know how things are on this site, even if it was months ago , it can flare up into a fight, thats why I am not concerned with time line. Cause I don't want to see someone attacked later, over something that should have been nothing, a little compassion for their situation and drop it and go on.
Hugz_n_Kissez Someplace, Ontario Canada
mindfful: thats just untrue

i dont jump on people
if i did
im sure more than just you and oslo would have been hatin on me by now

but then you are the only qualified judge of character here arent you?

and you will never give up trying to convince people im this that and the other

that is your choice
you use your time as you see fit
we all do
and its no ones business really what choice we make is it?



Should I bring up the 25,000 posts where you have and then tried to turn yourself into the victim...yet again because we both know there are a lot of them out there don't we....rolling eyes
jimbhoy Hamilton, Strathclyde, Scotland UK
I've been shot(twice)
I've been blew up
I am in love
I know she loves me AND
I'm going to Dublin to see Nuala on thursdayyay yay yay yay yay yay
jbibiza Ibiza, Islas Baleares Spain
Oslo, MF, Hugs..... I like and admire all three of you ladies. All of you are smart, intelligent, strong women. I don´t know what has gone on in the past that has created this situation between you and I don´t want to know... so don´t any of you send me an email!!! laugh

Enough already, this constant badgering and tearing at each other is ridiculous and not worthy of the amazing women that each of you are. sticking out tongue sticking out tongue sticking out tongue (one for each of you) followed by....
hug hug hug
mindfful WanderingMinstrel, Missouri USA
jimbhoy: I've been shot(twice)
I've been blew up
I am in love
I know she loves me AND
I'm going to Dublin to see Nuala on thursday



bastard

rub that in my face just one mooore time...
Hugz_n_Kissez Someplace, Ontario Canada
jbibiza: Oslo, MF, Hugs..... I like and admire all three of you ladies. All of you are smart, intelligent, strong women. I don´t know what has gone on in the past that has created this situation between you and I don´t want to know... so don´t any of you send me an email!!!

Enough already, this constant badgering and tearing at each other is ridiculous and not worthy of the amazing women that each of you are. (one for each of you) followed by....



I'm finished darlin...I think I have had my say today...so it's done for me....wave wink hug teddy bear hug bouquet of flowers




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