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I would say it depends on the teen. A lot of my friends were rather rebellious against boundaries, others weren't. But I've noticed letting run around all willy-nilly has only ended in problems!

Just what this barely-not-a-teen has noticed :]

Got to set them so they they know right from wrong,,,just let them know....enforcing if they did wrong can be a mess, but as long as they know your standard, even if you don't enforce they can start making choices.

I think one should set boundaries. Every child needs to know what is acceptable and what is not, the difference between right and wrong and what the punishment will be.

It's something you have to start way earlier than their teenage years, and keep after or they'll rebel when you try to clamp down on them as teenagers.

Just hope they aren't like me.

Something is Seriously Wrong with Mastic's Hello Thread

Yes it works but only with consistency....they need to know you love them enough to have a line that they can't cross in certain situations...whether they be with you...or situations that could place them in danger for whatever reason...also they learn to respect you more because they can't walk all over you....

Think you have to set values and bounderies from an early age and as Hugz says you have to be consistent, My daughter now has her own daughter and said to me that she now understands why i was strict about certain things, as she hears herself sayin the same things to her daughter. Wish she had realized that when she between the afe of 13 and 19!!! would have made life so much easier!!!

agreed....


It needs to be done with everyone, for the most part...not just kids.

I agree with everyone that it has to start early and be consistent...

When they were little it was a necessity and though they may have had tantrums, they did as they were told...

As teenagers, certainly the boundaries change, but the drama and the silent treatment FROM THEM makes me crazy (I'm getting older you know!)

I am trying desperately to show them that i love them enough to set these boundaries...of course that is interpreted as i'm trying to ruin their life

And I'm sure i'm not the only single mother that has heard....its so much better at daddy's house!

When my children were teenagers the boundary issue was definitely gender bias the older they became. their general daily behavior and attitude also weighed in.

But its been 15 years since that time for me. Today's innovations in communications and transportation even computer monitoring can be helpful in allowing your teenagers to test their wings of young adulthood and the respect they have for you and your guidelines.

I guess depending on what you have been able to instill in your children at a younger age is what we all should base what boundary's are necessary.

No one likes to be constantly reminded of the obvious especially teenagers.

Morning!

My biggest issue with them right now is that they feel that they should have no chores to do around the house because they don't have to do anything unless they want to at their dad's.

Neither them or my ex is understanding that he has them 2 weekends out of the month...they LIVE with me day in day out...

Start out by telling them that visiting with Dad is a vacation. What goes on there has no bearing on reality. If that doesn't work you could stop doing their laundry or cooking for them or any number of things to get their attention. Do they get an allowance? Assign each child chores with the understanding that how much, if any, allowance they get will be based on how well they do their assigned chores.

Do not let them win this battle -

That's because they are trying to control you....to get what they want....you know it's teen drama....and also daddy's house looks good because maybe they aren't there long enough to have rules applied or maybe he doesn't apply them..I solved that one when dad's house was mentioned as a control tactic by telling my daughter I would help her pack her bags.....and that was the last time I heard that come out of her lips....they're teens they will do everything in their power to try to push the limits...but as long as you're consistent they will learn what their boundaries are...and you obviously know...you aren't ruining their lives but teaching them values and how to set their own boundaries when they grow up...Maybe it's time for a little chat...so you can tell them what is acceptable and what isn't!!!!!!!!

As a matter of fact Don, just last night i spoke with their father and told him that was exactly what i was going to do if things didn't change...just stop doing all the things that i do for them.

I will make sure there is food in the house, but i won't be cooking for them, they can do their own laundry and they can pick up their things...or not...all up to them...I will close their bedroom door and let them live in that pig sty they call a bedroom if that is what they want...

But i'll tell you Don...It will sadden me very much. I wanted to be a good parent...It was why i left their father and struck out on my own..I have always busted my hump to work and maintain a home (i'm not a clean freak, but i do like a clean house)...so it upsets me very much to see the house I worked so hard to provide for them become a hovel and to have to resort to these measures to get my children to help me so that i don't feel so overworked and tired all the time....

good question

In my view, the boundaries need to be set by the time they are 7 to 10yrs old.

By then, they should have the respect and understanding of why you remind them of the boundaries at a later age.

however, thast doesnt mean to say that the strong willedteener wont end up throwong your rules back into your face - but they do begin to develp a minutiae of conciounce when they recall hoe protecive and reasonable their parent were to them at a younger age.

that also leads me to belive that they will go through the ï know it all"stages much quicker and come out of it adults instead of delinquents

We all need boundaries if we want a civilized society and laws. Kids are no different.

REALISTIC bounderies are mandatory for good training and preparations for adulthood

I have 2 girls in their early teens and all I say to them is "EVERY PRIVILEGE COMES WITH A RESPONSIBILITY".

Boundaries are soooo important.. I think .. you can avoid all the fuss and drama by using strategies... and tricks.. and psych them out..before they use their cheap psycho on you :)
Here is my 2 cents worth .. only because i'm a mum of teens.. and through trial and error.. not bcos im some expert.. or anything .. and i could be wrong too.. ! But it worked for me..

try motivating them to do chores through positive reinforcement in exchange for privileges. Perhaps you can draw up a list of chores and some kind of schedule or deadline and let them choose which ones they want to do. If they dont there will be consequences (eg: if they dont help the laundry get to the ironing load, they wont get clean clothes and this will have an impact. I exchange chores for things like internet and x-box time.. Be gentle.. not harsh.. to earn their respect so that they can give it easily.
I agree that this kind of discipline has to start from a young age - i had them helping out as soon as they could but i made it a game.. We sang, pranced about or pretended to be witches on broomsticks - whatever it took... had to get chores done but i had to tend to the kids also, so i involved them - took longer but it was done. Now they are responsible enough to know that housework is teamwork - boys and girls, and whoever has the time for that particular chore, does it. Nothing is perfectly tidy at all times, but that's ok .. there are other things to do. However, they won't be going off with their friends if their rooms are not clean, and they wouldn't even ask.. because.. the main thing is .. I do not allow them to turn my NO into a YES OK. (as far as I can . I mean.. sometimes rules have to be broken depending on the situation.. but otherwise, they stick.)
Plenty of hugs and kisses and 'i love you' and thank you goes a lonnnnnnng way. But not just thanks. Say WOWW !!! that was awesome! you were SUCH a big help !!! (not toooooo overly drammatic.. but enough to hit home) repeat this .. sometimes.. ;) (cheap psycho here). And let them overhear you say on the phone to someone - weave it into the conversation.. 'he/she did the dishes and it was such a big help! (or smilar praise). Don't let them know that you know they are listening. If they know they are being talked about in a positive light, it will make them feel proud of themselves. they will also know that YOU are proud of them.
Chances are.. they will try harder to impress you .. and make your work load lighter. I knwo many working mums who snap all the time.. yell.. demand.. and simply lose it. It pushes them away from you and the idea is to draw them closer, as close as possible - emotionally. Get into their heads. Watch closely.. listen to what they have to say .. and respect develops both ways. They like apologies too .. after all .. they'r little people, with real feelings, and they will forgive you, and love you unconditionally .. annnnnnddd I am getting carried away here OFF THE TOPIC !!!

Sometimes.. we make things into a problem when its not - i made that mistake sometimes with my kids... but the more time you spend with them... talking to them.. one-one-one.. the more you get to know them.. the easier they are to deal with - in most cases .. not all ! They'r kids after all..