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Wouldn't be wise to tell. He knows who he is. And, just for the record, I still think he's one hell of a man! I think he's quite happily involved with another and I do hope it's going well for him. He deserves the best (well, SECOND best, at least!)

Yes, I was in a long-distance relationship for two years. He lived over 2000 miles away on the other side of the country. Thought everything was good until I found out he was playing the "oh poor me, i have such bad luck with women" card on some poor girl who ended up letting him move in with her after his aunt kicked him out of her house. Turns out he was playing that card with many women.

But people are different and not everyone is like that. I say go with your gut. Your instincts are never wrong. I would not avoid another LDR just because of one bad experience.

No it was a different situation...

I was dating a guy when I was in the States, so in a way it was much easier cause we already knew each other..

You really can't say you have a relationship until you've met the person in RL..

After you've met and spend time together you can make up your mind about the future developments

Agreed

Planning is a must in a long distance relationships and a lot of adjustments have to be made too..

You have to give your 110% and you have to be committed to making it work..

I disagree with the highlighted portion. I have good relationships with a few people I've never met in the flesh - just different from a flesh and blood relationship. Since most of a relationship consists of communication, someone whom you're sharing many intimate details with can be just as real - sometimes more so - as someone you've met corporeally.

Perhaps the closest relationship I've ever experienced with someone was, for a time, solely virtual, so it's certainly false that you cannot have a relationship with someone you haven't met. However, it's certainly true that a romantic relationship must ultimately involve real-life "contact" (and that you will learn a lot from said contact)!!

Well I was referring to romantic relationships..they require physical contact and ultimately the decision about staying together can be made only after you meet and spend time together..JMO



But I do agree on the highlighted part..

nekkid pics and homemade sextapes

Ultimately - yes, I agree, Kamelia. My gf and I - the one I was referring to in my post - often wondered what would happen if after all the great phone/email camaraderie that we simply didn't find each other physically attractive...or there was something off-putting about each other in person.

I can easily see - and I know this has happened - that people who get along great virtually don't enjoy each other in real life...hence, I think it was be wise to meet your potential love-mate as soon as inhumanly possible.

the daydreams? ya, all day everyday.and i dont even have a relationship now..

I have actually done a LD relationship. Not easy since relationships require (to me) some consistent RL interaction, which inclines one (well, me again) in an LDR to think there is a need to move earlier than is required than when we both live in the same city or vacinity.

Planning is important as Trace notes, because the general wisdom of moving into the city where that person is, with consideration for financial implications, generally results in moving in together, which can be, not always mind you, a risky step, pushing the limits of a 'normal' relationship discovery period, where one normally goes home to their own place more often. LD'Rs negate that ability, the sense of 'my place' and the ability to be alone once in a while to digest what is going on, or to just ease into a relationship rather than go through the immediate change.

For some that may be inconsequential I suppose and I am a proponent of finding out as soon as possible if things will work; but those first days, and months, are somewhat more pressured when normal interaction is "sped up" by the necessity of moving in together.

It works for some. I am just saying I think its more difficult, unless you're prepared for getting your feet real wet all at once and having no where to go and dry them off as normal, in the vacinity, relationships permit.

On the other hand some folks need and want to be in that situation, want to be drowned in the other person, warts and all, so ...for me, I guess it is a personal decision in all ways.

All relationships have pitfalls and challenges.

I moved to be with someone it didn't work out so I moved back, Would I do it again, It would depend on alot of things but most it would have to be a very strong relationship where both put 100% into it.

I agree. But I also think a level or down-to-earth talking about feasibility is necessary.
Otherwise I don´t know, I haven´t really tried, and I´m learning from you guys. Good to know it´s possible, and good to know the tricks in avoiding problems.
Thank you all!

of course, if she isn't in the same county...I consider that a long distance relationship....so it won't happen!!

I wouldn't enter into a long distance relationship in the first place cause they aren't for me.

Everyone is different when they come to long distance realationships....some have worked(don and jackie, Mf and mickey, eric and kissmedeeply) They put hard work into making a relationship work....they are true examples of love being found onhere, and give me and many others hope that we 2 will find love...

Actually...
I´ve had two experiences. Funny I only remembered after I wrote the last post. Now I´m thinking to myself, "they weren´t Relationships". I met a guy, we talked, we got along, he came visit. It happened twice. Why they didn´t become real Relationships, well... I think I´ve already mentioned one of them, he was a very nice person but his notions of personal hygiene were very different from mine, and how could I have known that over the internet? We can´t smell people by a click of the mouse. The other guy was nice too, but there was too much sexual incompatibility. Add to it that I was young, selfish, impetuous, impatient and all those things you are when you´re 20 something.
Would have been a different story nowadays. He actually met another lady, got married, shw moved to Norway from the US and they seem to be very happy.
Now for me... I hope I won´t screw up next time!!!

I've always said I'd never trust enough to have a LDR, and (remember, guys, why I say I never say never...Fate likes to bite me for it?! ) now I'm starting one. He's only a couple of hours away right now, but getting ready to move another hour or so away for a new job he's starting.

I won't move that far from my kids at this stage, so if we decided it was really serious, he'd have to give up that job and move here. We'll know how serious this might get after this weekend. Right now, the plan is for him to come here and visit for the whole weekend, meet my kids, everything. He'll be staying in my guest room while we see if the sparks are there for physical attraction/chemistry in person. So far things in email and by phone are great.

I know this isn't the same as a different region or country, but when you both work and there are that many hours to travel, it might as well be (a different region, anyway). It's more long distance than I had ever planned. And I agree that a LDR can put a strain on the relationship, though people have done it successfully with lots of travel back and forth, and tons of communication in between. You have to have a lot of trust and patience for that, though.

Good luck, Oz. I hope it all works out for you.

In a LDR you have to answer a lot of "what if" questions and feel free to share your concerns about the future developments..

What if we were to get serious?

When would be the appropriate time to meet for the both of you?

What if you didn't feel the same chemistry?

What if you fell madly in love with each other?

What would happen if you decide to be together (who would be the one to move)?

What is the reasonable time frame for the both of you to make the decision about moving?

Etc..

I live too close to a couple of county borders to say that...but a couple of counties over sure makes it a LDR to me. Hence, Fate bit me on the butt on that one!

If I wasn't willing to move, I'd be single forever!

Question for the Ladies:

What do you think of guys who start talking about sex (positions, experiences, body parts) after the 2nd phone conversation?

Is this normal? Or should I tell this guy he's a douchebag,ask him to lose my number and hang up?


When I told him the sex talk was getting annoying he said, "I was just joking with you. can't you take a joke?"
For me it pretty much ruined what feelings I had for this guy.