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I don´t necessarily agree with the "breadwinner" stuff... but as far as being protective... yes, I´ll agree with that completely. I had very clear ideas of how and when my daughter would be disciplined and I would have had a huge problem with anyone interfering with that, or using a method of discipling that I didn´t agree with. Another reason I chose to stay single while raising her.

Thanks for this comment! The proof that I am right what I just said!

Look at your profile: Kids and dogs! Why should any half-way intelligent man would try to get in between? Once the kids have left home and the dogs are gone, you'll find yourself very lonesome!

I made it very clear to any man that I dated while raising my daughter that my daughter came first, then my business, then them...and that I was available only for dating, not for a long term relationship... even though I said it in very clear terms... it wasn´t long before they were complaining that I didn´t spend enough time with them or had to cancel a date because an employee called in sick and I had to cover the shift...

Not all men run from a woman with kids. The same is true for women. We each establish traits, conditions, and things we want in our future soul mate. For some of us we have raised our kids, and maybe other kids already, and we are looking to be able to enjoy certain things in life that does not include kids. So maybe you found men who ran once they saw you had kids--shame on them or respect their choices for being honest with you up front. Others men will come around and love your child.

Since you can't discipline someone else's kids it would depend entirely on the kids. How they feel about the new person and how they behave. It's a very difficult situation and one I haven't had much luck with. I've been on both sides since my dad remarried when I was 21 and my youngest brother was 16.

She sounds like an excellent mother. I have no idea why you'd write something like that. If someone has kids I pay close attention to how they feel about being a parent and how they've raised their children. That tells me pretty much everything about them as a person I need to know.

you do not have even the slightest idea whats happening here in IRELAND never mind the rest of europe and as bare survival goes thats a laugh even drawing social welfare allows you a certain amount of good living oh and for the record we are not oppressed nor repressed have a very merry christmas ya all!!! and to you all

I guess not all man are runing from single parent.once they are trully inlove with someone even she has a dozen of kids it wont matter with him as long his love is real,then he well accept who you are,from where you are, and what you have done in your life.

Because the single parent is chasing them (perhaps in a strong-willed, independent way)?

Hi, Anna -

I had what I thought was an interesting thought: having or not having children changes the kind of person you are most compatible with, though your ideally compatible "other" doesn't change.

In other words, let's say you have young children. Lady A is incredibly compatible with you in terms of values, personality, etc., but simply does not want to embrace parenthood for any number of possible reasons. Lady B is less compatible with you in terms of personality, but loves children and is interested in parenthood. In this case, your are what one might call more "circumstantially compatible" with Lady B. So because you have young children, you could potentially end up with someone who is less compatible with you in other important respects, but since a potential parent is your only option, if you wish romance you'll need to settle.

This kind "circumstantial compatibility" could apply in many other ways. For instance, let's say you meet someone a fair distance away who is far more compatible with you than a local lady - but you are unwilling or unable to relocate, so your only practical option is to go with the less compatible local lady.

This relationship thing can be fun, hey?

I think that's unlikely because I'm not attracted to men with the same mentality as yours. I like men who like kids and dogs. We're a package, and if anyone were to have a problem with it, I don't want them around. Simple.

Thank you.

I do not want to raise someone else's kids. I do not want someone else to raise my child. I stuck around to raise my son. I thought about leaving till i found she was pregnant. Guys, if you father childern, raise them! If you don't want to raise childern, then don't get her pregnant! You don't want to live with her, but you'll leave your kid with her? Your offspring will not have you in the picture? Why do you want to do that to your kids? These are your childern. You have the responsibilty to care for them. You need to be their role model. It is time men take responsibilty for their actions. You father, you raise. Which means you need to think before you shoot!

It goes both ways, I think. I just got a first contact letter today from a Wonderful Gentleman, that Wanted to know if I would be ***** off bc he has children.

I personally canna imagine why any one would be ***** off. But then i have always wanted children. I would be honored to consider my mate's children mine, and have them consider me theirs. I know that would take much work. I have had friends children adopt me so I know it could work, with me.

I told him the same as I am going to tell you here, I think if I were in your shoes, and someone was upset that I had children, I would turn and RUN the other way, FAST.

I would then thank G-d I dogged that particular bullet.

It's not necessarily "running".

There is a big difference between taking a girlfriend and adopting a family.

Once my wife took my kids and left without warning and I didn't see them for 7 years.

A year after they left, I married a woman who had a 9 year old son.

My heartache over the loss of my own kids made it hard to bond with my new wife's son.

Plus, the boy himself was resisting such bonding because he had come to think of himself as the man of the family and resented my intrusion.

What's more, my new wife did not make it easy, because she aligned herself with the boy against me in matters of discipline. (and no I was never harsh or cruel).
She had issues stemming from her former marriage that made her overprotective of her exclusive control over her son.

It took years to reach a real peace with the boy.
In fact it only happened when he was an adult and his mother couldn't get in the way anymore.

All that to say that there can be a lot of factors in the equation and it's really nobody's right to blame a guy for his decision in such a case. It's his life and his choice.

That is very true, and what makes each person is their journey to where they are at the moment in life, the kids are part of it all.

If I had decided to have a LTR or to get married while raising my daughter... his role would not have been as a parent to my daughter. I would have encouraged them to develop a friendship, an "uncle" sort of role with her, but her upbringing and anything concerning her would have been my responsibility. If they had issues it would have been worked out through me. His role in the relationship would have been my husband or my boyfriend... not as my daughters father.

I will never understand that. I don't have kids myself but really have no problem if someone does. I am a teacher part time and just love kids! I gotta lol or I would be so miserable.

I think they run because they don't want any responsibility. All the men I meet my age and older have raised their kids and want to "have fun." Since I already had my fun I'm not interested in them either.