The Ex Won,the Kids Lost,Where Do You Go From Here?

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hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
hrt4lse: To add to what I wrote about before, I just discovered last night that my oldest son is now married (I went snooping on his step mom's my space page). I wasn't informed or invited to the wedding.

Yes, I cried for being left out. But I also said a deeply heartfelt prayer that they will have a long and happy marriage.

Then I decided to try and email my new daughter-in-law (she's listed as one of my son's friends). My hope is that she'll read it, pass on the information & how she felt about it to my son, and that maybe someday he'll re-establish contact & I'll get to meet her.

Until then, as I've said before & others have said, just have to carry on. So basically, if I can do it and survive all this that I've gone through, you can Jonah.



Big hugs to you sister! I've been kept away from children before too. And now the oldest one hardly ever comes around. I couldn't possibly imagination what you're going through being left out of your own child's wedding. I have no words............
teddybear
Merky
hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
hopefloats: Big hugs to you sister! I've been kept away from my own children before too. And now the oldest one hardly ever comes around. I couldn't possibly imagination what you're going through being left out of your own child's wedding. I have no words............

Merky
jonahstrials pensacola, Florida USA
DCJ,Hope Floats and others...thanks so much for your empathy. It was the most important court hearing of my life and I wish I had the best lawyer,but I didnt. I mean,I understand lawyers don't want to fight,make waves,etc...but in my case with all the crap I have been through in the last year,I needed one that was willing to fight for me,not to go with the flow. I hate to digress on this thread,but one poster talked about my Mom? and me wanting to look after Myself? My mom lived in a different city and I haven't lived with her since I was 18yrs old? Also,the notation about my saying I have to look after myself now...it so true. I have only done everything for my kids for the last 10yrs. I don't regret one second of it,and I know it will come back to me...but NOW I have to actually learn to care for myself again,like I did before they were born and before I got married. I will always love my kids and care for them,but I DON'T CARE for them now...meaning,I can't take them to school,doctor,etc. like I have been for so many years. It is the same thing I had to do when I got divorced...look after me. It is hard for some people to do that...I am so much into caring for certain people and it is hard to LET GO! We have to or we will be crushed like I am now. Losing my Mom and my kids in 2wks is soooo much to handle at one time. I hope most people are close to their Moms,you only have one...and your kids,you only have them. Picking up the pieces is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Bill Murray comes to mind..."baby steps",I need to take baby steps,not jump into something. I believe moving is the best thing to do first,not out of the state or country,but out of my current address. Would love your thoughts on that. BTW,I am Wayne,jonahtrials is my username and my son....perfect,huh? jonah...trials



hrt4lse Redding, California USA
jonahstrials: DCJ,Hope Floats and others...thanks so much for your empathy. It was the most important court hearing of my life and I wish I had the best lawyer,but I didnt. I mean,I understand lawyers don't want to fight,make waves,etc...but in my case with all the crap I have been through in the last year,I needed one that was willing to fight for me,not to go with the flow. I hate to digress on this thread,but one poster talked about my Mom? and me wanting to look after Myself? My mom lived in a different city and I haven't lived with her since I was 18yrs old? Also,the notation about my saying I have to look after myself now...it so true. I have only done everything for my kids for the last 10yrs. I don't regret one second of it,and I know it will come back to me...but NOW I have to actually learn to care for myself again,like I did before they were born and before I got married. I will always love my kids and care for them,but I DON'T CARE for them now...meaning,I can't take them to school,doctor,etc. like I have been for so many years. It is the same thing I had to do when I got divorced...look after me. It is hard for some people to do that...I am so much into caring for certain people and it is hard to LET GO! We have to or we will be crushed like I am now. Losing my Mom and my kids in 2wks is soooo much to handle at one time. I hope most people are close to their Moms,you only have one...and your kids,you only have them. Picking up the pieces is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Bill Murray comes to mind..."baby steps",I need to take baby steps,not jump into something. I believe moving is the best thing to do first,not out of the state or country,but out of my current address. Would love your thoughts on that. BTW,I am Wayne,jonahtrials is my username and my son....perfect,huh? jonah...trials


I understood what you were saying. I'm close to my parents too. In fact they went to every single court date with me, which really helped because I was always a bundle of nerves.

Like you, while I had my kids, everything I did was for them. I think having to get used to a quiet house was one of the hardest things I had to do. For the longest time, after losing custody and visitation, I had taken all their pictures down. They're back up now.

So yes, baby steps. Moving would be good, as long as you make sure Jonah knows how to contact you. I'm still in the same state, but I'm like 3 hours north of were I used to live. My decision to move was made after the youngest told me he didn't want to see me anymore. So moving & getting away from people who were always asking about him seemed the best thing to do.

Picking up the pieces IS hard, but you do it. You have to continue on for the day when you're son is able to make his own decisions. Hang in there Wayne.
hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
You're welcome Wayne. And don't let some of the others here get to you. hug

Merky



hrt4lse Redding, California USA
hopefloats: Big hugs to you sister! I've been kept away from children before too. And now the oldest one hardly ever comes around. I couldn't possibly imagination what you're going through being left out of your own child's wedding. I have no words............

Merky


Thanks. I figured it would probably happen this way knowing how my ex is. I'm just wondering now if they'll let me know when I become a grandma laugh
hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
hrt4lse: I understood what you were saying. I'm close to my parents too. In fact they went to every single court date with me, which really helped because I was always a bundle of nerves.

Like you, while I had my kids, everything I did was for them. I think having to get used to a quiet house was one of the hardest things I had to do. For the longest time, after losing custody and visitation, I had taken all their pictures down. They're back up now.
So yes, baby steps. Moving would be good, as long as you make sure Jonah knows how to contact you. I'm still in the same state, but I'm like 3 hours north of were I used to live. My decision to move was made after the youngest told me he didn't want to see me anymore. So moving & getting away from people who were always asking about him seemed the best thing to do.

Picking up the pieces IS hard, but you do it. You have to continue on for the day when you're son is able to make his own decisions. Hang in there Wayne.






hug
dcj22 Somewhere, Kansas USA
hrt4lse: To add to what I wrote about before, I just discovered last night that my oldest son is now married (I went snooping on his step mom's my space page). I wasn't informed or invited to the wedding.

Yes, I cried for being left out. But I also said a deeply heartfelt prayer that they will have a long and happy marriage.

Then I decided to try and email my new daughter-in-law (she's listed as one of my son's friends). My hope is that she'll read it, pass on the information & how she felt about it to my son, and that maybe someday he'll re-establish contact & I'll get to meet her.

Until then, as I've said before & others have said, just have to carry on. So basically, if I can do it and survive all this that I've gone through, you can Jonah.



I'm so sorry, sweetie. How that must have hurt. I do with this hug were in person. hug



hrt4lse Redding, California USA
dcj22: I'm so sorry, sweetie. How that must have hurt. I do with this hug were in person.


Thanks, if it were in person I'd probably be crying like a baby laugh

I just wanted to share so that Wayne would know he's not the only one who is or has gone through this.
hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
I think if we were all in one place right now, we'd ALL be crying!crying
dcj22 Somewhere, Kansas USA
jonahstrials: DCJ,Hope Floats and others...thanks so much for your empathy. It was the most important court hearing of my life and I wish I had the best lawyer,but I didnt. I mean,I understand lawyers don't want to fight,make waves,etc...but in my case with all the crap I have been through in the last year,I needed one that was willing to fight for me,not to go with the flow. I hate to digress on this thread,but one poster talked about my Mom? and me wanting to look after Myself? My mom lived in a different city and I haven't lived with her since I was 18yrs old? Also,the notation about my saying I have to look after myself now...it so true. I have only done everything for my kids for the last 10yrs. I don't regret one second of it,and I know it will come back to me...but NOW I have to actually learn to care for myself again,like I did before they were born and before I got married. I will always love my kids and care for them,but I DON'T CARE for them now...meaning,I can't take them to school,doctor,etc. like I have been for so many years. It is the same thing I had to do when I got divorced...look after me. It is hard for some people to do that...I am so much into caring for certain people and it is hard to LET GO! We have to or we will be crushed like I am now. Losing my Mom and my kids in 2wks is soooo much to handle at one time. I hope most people are close to their Moms,you only have one...and your kids,you only have them. Picking up the pieces is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Bill Murray comes to mind..."baby steps",I need to take baby steps,not jump into something. I believe moving is the best thing to do first,not out of the state or country,but out of my current address. Would love your thoughts on that. BTW,I am Wayne,jonahtrials is my username and my son....perfect,huh? jonah...trials



Wayne, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I agree, maybe moving out of the house you've shared with your son would be a good step to begin with. And yes, now you have to care for you. You want to be there and strong when he comes back to you.

Hang in there, and you always have all of us. hughug
jvaski south lake tahoe, California USA
Get a dog......... or two dogs ........ sometimes animals can be very satisfactory to fulfill the nurturing needs ....dunno
jonahstrials pensacola, Florida USA
Thanks so much new friends,it is my daughter who is hurt by this as well,she is 9,son is 10. So much,so soon...and I thought DIVORCE was hard. It was a piece of cake compared to losing custody of your kids. It is good to know there are others who can share this with me. Nothing worse than suffering alone. Two things come to mind,Moving away...and Having another kid. Both I know won't take the hurt away,but it would actually be nice to ACTUALLY raise my kids. I always wanted kids,but NEVER anticipated this. I know if I was with someone else who had kids,it wouldn't help either...your kids are never anyone else's. Probably getting a job that worked me to death could help. Keeping my mind busy has got to be the answer to all this pain.
jonahstrials pensacola, Florida USA
BTW,jvaski...I have a water dragon and a pet rat,guess their not the kind of animals you want to cuddle up by the fire with...laugh
hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
jonahstrials: Thanks so much new friends,it is my daughter who is hurt by this as well,she is 9,son is 10. So much,so soon...and I thought DIVORCE was hard. It was a piece of cake compared to losing custody of your kids. It is good to know there are others who can share this with me. Nothing worse than suffering alone. Two things come to mind,Moving away...and Having another kid. Both I know won't take the hurt away,but it would actually be nice to ACTUALLY raise my kids. I always wanted kids,but NEVER anticipated this. I know if I was with someone else who had kids,it wouldn't help either...your kids are never anyone else's. Probably getting a job that worked me to death could help. Keeping my mind busy has got to be the answer to all this pain.



Keeping yourself occupied is indeed a great idea! Or else you'll be bonkers...............
dcj22 Somewhere, Kansas USA
jvaski: Get a dog......... or two dogs ........ sometimes animals can be very satisfactory to fulfill the nurturing needs ....



That's true. They're like permanent toddlers. laugh
jonahstrials pensacola, Florida USA
I do love animals. I wanted a few years ago to get a job at a Zoo and be like the former Crocodile guy...Even if the pay wasnt good,the job seems great!
hrt4lse: To add to what I wrote about before, I just discovered last night that my oldest son is now married (I went snooping on his step mom's my space page). I wasn't informed or invited to the wedding.

Yes, I cried for being left out. But I also said a deeply heartfelt prayer that they will have a long and happy marriage.

Then I decided to try and email my new daughter-in-law (she's listed as one of my son's friends). My hope is that she'll read it, pass on the information & how she felt about it to my son, and that maybe someday he'll re-establish contact & I'll get to meet her.

Until then, as I've said before & others have said, just have to carry on. So basically, if I can do it and survive all this that I've gone through, you can Jonah.
crying crying crying crying comfort comfort comfort comfort comfort hug hug hug hug hug purple heart hug hug
jonahstrials: BTW,jvaski...I have a water dragon and a pet rat,guess their not the kind of animals you want to cuddle up by the fire with...


Actually, Rats can be. I used to clean the lab with this one Rat that was Calico coloured on my shoulder with her tail wrapped around my neck and she clung to my hair and chirp purred into my hearing aid.

We all called her Sue. A Professor noticed we all moved her around when her cage lot was up for being dissected and told us to draw lots to take her home bc we all wanted her.
hug hug
Jacy30 Rockland, Maine USA
Why are there so many posts removed by the moderator?
now it makes me wonder what they said...confused




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