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Sorry to hear about what happened...
Anytime children are involved, it's always especially difficult.
I know ... I am divorced and have kids too!
I would love to share my story, but since I'm still pending even more court for this, I can't say much about it publically.
If you are interested in my story, email me and I may share it with you...
At least you should know you aren't alone in the struggles with our kids.

Wayne, I felt you need to listen to this.........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQVmR0jV52A






and to whoever else it encourages!
Merky

Good song,good timing...thanks. I am in tears enjoying these 7 more days of glory with my kids on their Christmas break.

raised them for 10 years and then lost custody. Sorry but I feel something isn't adding up here....


Anyway one day at a time is all you can do.

Ask any questions you want. I have nothing to hide. I mean actually I raised them for 6.5years with ex,then got divorced...we had joint for the last 4.5years,son turns 11 on 01/12...so yeah,that adds up to 11 hun...Does it add up now?

It is a shame our legal systems evolved to the point where children are considered like property. I know in Australia the emphasis is now changed to that of shared parenting, to try and minimise the squabbling over kids. At moment my wife and I are in a shared parenting agreemeent... because the kids should be No.1 priority. I think sparring parents fail to see that when they put their own vested interests above their children they are actually continuing the misery for the children.
Whilst lawyers/solicitors are involved this win at all costs mentality will be perpetuated.

Your so right friend. I would have done anything rather that fight in court about my kids. I mean the Judge doesn't help either...if it wasn't for the lawyers,he wouldn't have a job. That is something to think about. I knew that it was all about the money,the bucks,the BLOOD money more like it.

Back to the topic,I am considering a roommate or moving in with somebody(friend,not date),would love to hear your comments. Now that the support is going to increase,I will need the extra money to survive.

i agree, something not adding up here, if your kids are 11 years of age, its their right to choose who they want to live with..it sounds like you have had your 50-50 share of the kids, same as your ex... and the kids are teens now...

Fsmily court is hell, I have been through 4 years of it, but won in the end... but the bullsh*t and lies that come out to knock the hell out of someone is shear hell!!! stand tall mate!!! you havent lost ya kids... they are your kids and always will be...

Good idea! That's exactly what I had to do. Just use wisdom and caution in your choices. Don't settle for just "any" roommate.

JMO,
Merky

Also be cautious if it's an opposite sex room mate....if the ex gets wind of it she may blow a gasket. Make sure there's separate bedrooms for you & the room mate....and make sure there's a bedroom for the kids to use. Especially if you have daughters...even if they're sick, they need to have their own bed (& room)...(I learned this the hard way after allowing my son to climb into a king sized bed with me when he was sick - it got all blown out of context and caused alot of problems.)

Well,unless the courts are willing to put the money up to get a three bedroom,I am stuck w/this 2Brm apt. My ex use to live in a one bedroom trailer with both of my kids. I could never say anything about it. The only reason why she even has a roof over her head is because she married the house,not the guy. I have advertised only for a female thinking that is the smarter choice,but she will have to rent the only other room in the apt. I am trying to find a three bedroom cheap enough to move into with a roommate so the kids can have their own room to sleep in,but having the kids only two days now shouldn't make a difference. The ole saying,"You gotta do whatcha gotta" do rings true in this situation.

That's right. But be careful while you're doing it.

Your right friend,and I have noticed how hard it is even to find a roommate. I mean not only is the economy tough right now,no one can even afford to move!

In Texas one can file for a modification after one year. Those complaining about their lawyer can find a different one.


No one has to be a bad parent but most states try to do what is in the best interest of the children.


One can't judge a case based on a someone's post -remember there are always TWO sides to a story.

Thanks for the post and one thing I can definitely say is that I have nothing against my ex personally...I mean our divorce was over 5yrs ago,but just the fact that my kids are very well taken care of tells you the problem is with the ex,not the care of my kids. I mean I was awarded full custody in 2001 when the ex was living with another guy. I have always wanted what is the best interest of the kids. Even though I would love full custody,my kids like seeing both of us for the same amount of days so that is why I always wanted joint. My ex admitted in court that she didnt even want me taking care of my son at all,so that should have told the courts right away,her problem is with me,not my kids care. I am diabetic like my son and that in itself was a strength of mine. Well,earlier this year she even tried telling the courts that I couldnt take care of his diabetes...Now,who would you rather care for your son,a person who has NEVER had diabetes or a person who has been diabetic and in perfect control for 27yrs?

Thanks for the post and one thing I can definitely say is that I have nothing against my ex personally...I mean our divorce was over 5yrs ago,but just the fact that my kids are very well taken care of tells you the problem is with the ex,not the care of my kids. I mean I was awarded full custody in 2001 when the ex was living with another guy. I have always wanted what is the best interest of the kids. Even though I would love full custody,my kids like seeing both of us for the same amount of days so that is why I always wanted joint. My ex admitted in court that she didnt even want me taking care of my son at all,so that should have told the courts right away,her problem is with me,not my kids care. I am diabetic like my son and that in itself was a strength of mine. Well,earlier this year she even tried telling the courts that I couldnt take care of his diabetes...Now,who would you rather care for your son,a person who has NEVER had diabetes or a person who has been diabetic and in perfect control for 27yrs?[/quote]


Wayne, hold on a minute there.....that was an unfair statement. With the PROPER training, any one can take as good a care of a diabetic as a diabetic. The reason I can say that is because my youngest son is a diabetic and I am not.


Merky

I have been reading this with interest. Even contributed to it.

Family Law is something that I know alot about.

I am not aware of the laws in Australia, but int he UK, a child could make a decision at 7 years of age, if they are seen to have a good understanding of the situation.

What strikes me about this matter, is that yes, a court after ten years was willing to change the status quo. Which is unusual.

So these children have had their side heard, the courts have made a decision in the best interests of the children.

Whether that is agreeable with the parents is irrelevant.

In the UK, no parent, has any rights over their children, they have parental responsibility, but no rights.

Something has happened here, whether it is one parent alienating another, against these children, I have no idea, but there is mention of money.

Which fuels alot parents to use their children as personal cash machines... Something which no court can prevent.

Tina and I are very much the same, our children have healthy balanced relatinships with both parents... Tina and I have discussed this before.

And that is what should be happening here, these children should be assisted in that, with both parents and that is down to the parents alone, only them.

And it is not. No matter where the children live, encouragement and helping them to have healthy relationships with both parents is what should happening, not the bitterness and anger of what has happened in the past.

We learn from our parents, and if these children are raised, being burdened with tearing their loyalties, how the hell are they going to maintain healthy, balanced relationships as adults?

OP.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get a grip and begin making plans for the time you will spend with your children, not complaining about how you are not with them.

It is hard, bloody hard, but you are the adult, take the lead and let them know that you are still there...

Thanks friend for your post...and you brought up a good point,"let them know that you are still there"... I have ALWAYS been there,through the living with the boyfriends,thru the giving me my son and going back to the boyfriend,thru the getting pregnant by the boyfriend and then coming back. I hate to put it bluntly,but I will be there for my kids,but I am not going to fight over them,use them as pawns,or do anything to upset them. They will know who the culprit is in the end and that is when time will truly tell. My kids have NEVER had a say in any hearing/meeting ever held. I even had to bring them to court due to the passing of my Mom and all the Judge said was can your sister take the kids to a park away from the courthouse. She was a witness that day also,so that was wrong to tell her to leave. If you know about Family Law then you should know one fact...THE COURTS DO WHAT IS EASIEST FOR THEM,NOT THE PARENTS. I worked in billing for three years at a call center and only by working there did I understand that these people are only here 8-5 M-F and beyond that,they don't care about how I or my kid's feel. It is a JOB,that is it. BTW,I am moving to Australia,sounds like a good place kids.