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Dear Aunt Vinny,
Why oh why are men so f*****g stupid and clueless? My parole officer says not to shoot another one as the jury won't be so lenient this time but it's tempting. Dam* tempting. Please help me. And please keep this just between us.
Yours sincerely,

Dear Aunt Vinny,


There's a man outside my window, totally naked! He keeps tapping at the window, only, i can see both his hands.

Do you think he has company?

Hi LA Cali

I think your gorgeous.........but there you go......

Anyway, you obviously lack confidence.
I would suggest you go for a weekend vacation with your girlfriends. They will reassert your belief that men are the weaker sex, both intellectually and emotianally, and will help you get over this phobia that men are equal

We, not now, nor have ever been, equal to women and as soon as you come to this ralisation your visits with the Parole officer will decrease alarmingly.

Shooting things that are inferior to you is just not fair.

Di I tell you I thnk your gorgeous just sort out that confidence thing and you'll be fine

Dearest Aunt Vin:


I wonder if you could please put in a good word for me to Santa this year so I will get the hunk I asked for wrapped in just a bow under my tree...I am sooooooooo tired of just receiving lumps of coal and almost burned him up in my fireplace last year... For his sake and mine..please implore him to bring me what I asked for...otherwise I can't guarantee the kids he won't meet with some kind of accident this year if I see him pull out one more lump of coal and go for my stocking AGAIN!!!!!!!





Signed: Ready To Murder Santa....

Hi Lush,

I think your gorgeous

I need some more informatiaon before I reply as I don't seem to have all the facts.

Has he a small pot belly ?

Is he tapping on the window with one hand while typing with the other ?

Do you like him tapping on your wondow.

Hi Shelly,

I think your gorgeous

Anyway am not sure where to start with this one but i'll give it a go.

Yes I will talk to Santa for you...........he fonds it hard to avoid goin for your stocking as he thinks your gorgeous as well.
The shot I had to take off Ma Santa lasdt year was unbelievable.

I thonk when SANTA eventually gets over his fixation on you your prospects will improve........but he might need counselling.

Leave it with me and I will keep wotking on him.

Meanwhile if you can let me know your exact specifications for a hunk I will pass it on

Well Horse hows she hangin?

How can i grow wings on my back before Christmas......Someone told my 6 yr old today that every boys and girls mammies and daddies are really Angels ....My one ran over too me and asked if my wings were tied down to stop me flying..

Also .....How do i send my best regards to misus Brit Woman who is sailing across the sea in a race and went 600clicks out of her way to help Mr French man who was hit by a rogue wave and broke his leg..


Most importantly.......and this is Gods Truth.....

Whats the secret to tying balloon knots , im trying to hang some as decorations and waited till now as if i had done it earlier they would of deflated but cannot tie them....it was hard enough to blow them up (not like me at all )

But as i hate small balloons is there a special knot that stops my fingers getting trapped

Ah jeysus typical Irish man. Why have one problem when you can have 3.

Basically you need to tell your 6 year old that Angels dont exist = pROBLEM SOLVED.


Carrier Pigeon heheheheheheheh



I've never hearda Gods truth b4 but first time for everything.

Do you remember you asked me about condoms ad when they were a bit loose ? Remember I told you to tie a knot in the slack so the condom would fit exactly ? Well if you apply that to a balloon, don't blow it up fully, will giv you the nr of my ex wife to show you, and leave a bit of slack so you can stretch it and tie a knot in it

Happy blowin

Wrapped and delivered not wrapped in a door omg need to check before I send lol

Hi Dawn,

I realise your perfect..........knew that the first time I met you but there's no need to rub it in to everybody

How are you.........I had xmas dinner today with the kids and I'm feelin a bit.........you know. Anyway I haven't had a drink in a while but the vino is delicous

How are you

So it was you that gave me the advice about condoms

No wonder i have 54 Children .... .....Or maybe i dont like to walk in the sea with wellies on ..Not that i get a chance to be near the sea these days even though i live on the coast


And Yeh right im gonna tell a 6 yr old that theres no such thing as an Angel....... Actually i could do

Im taking him to see Santas Grave on the 24th December so i could let him know then..

Baaaa Humbug

I'm sorry but your goin to hav to be more specific.........

1. yopur talkin to the weaker sex
2. im not myself

Whats wrapped and delivered ?

So do you feel better now ?

A problem shared and all that ?

Anyway luv your sense of humour and wish you and all the 54 children a great xmas and a not so horny new year

Anything else I can sort out for you ?

Jason Statum wrapped and delivered please but the vino must have taken hold maybe another time oh great wise aunt.

Dear Aunt Vinny,
First of all you look suspiciously masculine and are probably not anyone's aunt at all. Second you are drunk on the job and I will therefore have to report you to your union-the Agony Aunts Local 380.
Yours sincerely,

Are you on the vino as well.
I'm drinking a 1997 Wolf Blass Chardonnay with a best b4 date on it ?

What are you drinking ?

Always good to see you Dawn..........You know I think your gorgeous

See I even blush twice wehen i'm talkin to you.

Anyway, Auntie Vinny, reckons you need to get a dose of reality and realise that it just a childish crush. That is the pretend hard dood from BH 90210 ISN'T IT. I met him in real life and believe it or not he was actin. I said boo to him and he jumped into my lap.

Anyway you need to set your sights a little bit higher and go for am man with a foriegn accent, receding hairline, bald crown, no job but works for a charity and has a wicked sense of humour.
Also he's ok in bed............sleeps a hell of a lot !!!!

Anyway How are you today ?