best way to help grieving friend at christmas

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jampet wexford, Westmeath Ireland
Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:06 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
Following on from another thread that was mentioning how do they get through the first christmas without a loved one....
I have 2 friends that have lost their wife/husband this year through car crashes- both young people with 2 and 5 kids under 10 years oldblues

those that have lost someone close to them... what is the best thing a friend could do for you this year?? I am at a bit of a loss as to what I should do- In ireland, I believe the tradition is for the bereaved family not to send cards or recieved them, not put up a tree etc ( i don't think this is the best thing if there are small kids in the house, but that is what they do apparently). should I stay away, and let them grieve alone? should I go there on Christmas day and hug them?
what would be the best thing someone could do . I realise that everyone handles their grief differently, but there is probably some common ground.

To all those who are grieving someone this yearcomfort hug
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RadioheadFan123 Rochester, New York USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:44 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
Go to their place and comfort them. comfort They will appreciate your gesture of kindness.
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hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:48 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
I would visit them. Regardless of what kind of grief, it is always a strength and encourage to know that someone is thinking of you.

hug
Merky
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jampet wexford, Westmeath Ireland
Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:56 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
thanks- i think that is what i will do-just spend some time with themhandshake
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:57 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
jampet: Following on from another thread that was mentioning how do they get through the first christmas without a loved one....
I have 2 friends that have lost their wife/husband this year through car crashes- both young people with 2 and 5 kids under 10 years old

those that have lost someone close to them... what is the best thing a friend could do for you this year?? I am at a bit of a loss as to what I should do- In ireland, I believe the tradition is for the bereaved family not to send cards or recieved them, not put up a tree etc ( i don't think this is the best thing if there are small kids in the house, but that is what they do apparently). should I stay away, and let them grieve alone? should I go there on Christmas day and hug them?
what would be the best thing someone could do . I realise that everyone handles their grief differently, but there is probably some common ground.

To all those who are grieving someone this year


Personally, I would go visit. Let them know you are there, if they want/need you. Allow them the respect & dignity to tell you their wishes..
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druidess6308 Aliquippa, Pennsylvania USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:08 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
jampet: Following on from another thread that was mentioning how do they get through the first christmas without a loved one....
I have 2 friends that have lost their wife/husband this year through car crashes- both young people with 2 and 5 kids under 10 years old

those that have lost someone close to them... what is the best thing a friend could do for you this year?? I am at a bit of a loss as to what I should do- In ireland, I believe the tradition is for the bereaved family not to send cards or recieved them, not put up a tree etc ( i don't think this is the best thing if there are small kids in the house, but that is what they do apparently). should I stay away, and let them grieve alone? should I go there on Christmas day and hug them?
what would be the best thing someone could do . I realise that everyone handles their grief differently, but there is probably some common ground.

To all those who are grieving someone this year


For me, the answer was definitely to have my friends around me physically. It helped a lot. Follow your heart, it will guide you. hug
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casinogirl sioux city, Iowa USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:13 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
Being a widow as of 2-20-07 I found the best thing was to be there to be supportive and to come and talk to me about my loved one. Hell we were married for 22 years and if someone just ignored the fact that he was ever alive it hurt more, I wanted to talk about him
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tallaght_guy dublin, Dublin Ireland
Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:27 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
best thing is let them know you there for them go round for short visit and maybe invite them over to your place if possible
its kind of tough call as people react different some like to be on their own others prefer company just go see how she is and make a gut judgement call whether to stay longer or not
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Indyfella indianapolis, Indiana USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:31 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
...just be a good listener... That's much harder to do than what most people think...


JMO
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IMmeURyou De Pere, Wisconsin USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:37 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
I think it depends on their personality. my family has dealt with some traumatic loss and we tend to like to be left alone, but i know there are others who need people around, like yourself, who care. it's really just a judgment call, imagine everything you know about them, then think to yourself "what would i want if i were them?" a difficult question no doubt. best wishes, and hope all goes well.
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catwomen64 somewhere, New Jersey USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 10:25 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
Its my first without my dad......my best friend sends food.....trys to get me out ......LISTENS to me even if I told that story a hundred times......crys with me....lets me cry....then wipes my tears away..... then lets me cry...just be there for them,I am so lost I dont know what I want.......but if I want mt friend shes there in a heart beat,she feels my pain also,she sees me like this.......I hope TIME is the answer,just be there,dont say anything,just be there......hope this will help so sorry for your losses......CAT
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somechick Cincinnati Ohio, Ohio USA
Tue Dec 23, 2008 10:53 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
If their desire is to be alone then honor their wishes.

But do be available and accessible to them if they ask for you to be there.

Like someone else said by being a good listener.

Maybe even check to see if they need anything like food etc.

Don't just say "Call me if you need anything". When you are grieving you can't think to pick up the phone and call someone to help you. Instead call them to just check in and let them know if you are going to the grocery store and offer to pick up something for them. Drop by just to make sure that they really are OK.

If they decide they wish to visit the cemetery offer to drive them there.There's a chance they may not have someone to take them.


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woody636 Elgin, Illinois USA
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:13 AM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
jampet: Following on from another thread that was mentioning how do they get through the first christmas without a loved one....
I have 2 friends that have lost their wife/husband this year through car crashes- both young people with 2 and 5 kids under 10 years old

those that have lost someone close to them... what is the best thing a friend could do for you this year?? I am at a bit of a loss as to what I should do- In ireland, I believe the tradition is for the bereaved family not to send cards or recieved them, not put up a tree etc ( i don't think this is the best thing if there are small kids in the house, but that is what they do apparently). should I stay away, and let them grieve alone? should I go there on Christmas day and hug them?
what would be the best thing someone could do . I realise that everyone handles their grief differently, but there is probably some common ground.

To all those who are grieving someone this year


Tough one, kiddo. For me, it worked just having people around to talk to so I didn't have to think. Anything to take your mind off him/her. The only thing that really helps is time; anything that allows time to pass without heartache helps.
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morgan5 somewhere sunny , Canarias Spain
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:18 AM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
I know this isn't the same but 2 weeks ago my Grandaughter was stillborn her funeral is next Tuesday, the hardest thing i am finding is when people say nothing to me and avoid me, i feel they don't want to be around me and as if i should hide away. I understand it is because they don't know what to say but just knowing people are there for you helps so much. Just let them know you care
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woody636 Elgin, Illinois USA
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:21 AM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
morgan5: I know this isn't the same but 2 weeks ago my Grandaughter was stillborn her funeral is next Tuesday, the hardest thing i am finding is when people say nothing to me and avoid me, i feel they don't want to be around me and as if i should hide away. I understand it is because they don't know what to say but just knowing people are there for you helps so much. Just let them know you care


hug Sorry for your loss Morgan. Words can be pretty meaningless when you suffer a heartache like that, but you and your kids are in my thoughts and prayers. sad flower
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morgan5 somewhere sunny , Canarias Spain
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:27 AM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
woody636: Sorry for your loss Morgan. Words can be pretty meaningless when you suffer a heartache like that, but you and your kids are in my thoughts and prayers.
thank you woody, support i have had from here has helped me alot as a parent you try to be strong for your kids and not show your grief, inside my heart is breaking for there pain and i can do nothing
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dcj22 Somewhere, South Dakota USA
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:35 AM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
jampet: Following on from another thread that was mentioning how do they get through the first christmas without a loved one....
I have 2 friends that have lost their wife/husband this year through car crashes- both young people with 2 and 5 kids under 10 years old

those that have lost someone close to them... what is the best thing a friend could do for you this year?? I am at a bit of a loss as to what I should do- In ireland, I believe the tradition is for the bereaved family not to send cards or recieved them, not put up a tree etc ( i don't think this is the best thing if there are small kids in the house, but that is what they do apparently). should I stay away, and let them grieve alone? should I go there on Christmas day and hug them?
what would be the best thing someone could do . I realise that everyone handles their grief differently, but there is probably some common ground.

To all those who are grieving someone this year



Honey, having been through the death of a loved one lately, I can tell you that all you can do is be there. If they need to talk, or just sit with someone and not say a word, just be there. hug
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woody636 Elgin, Illinois USA
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:39 AM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
morgan5: thank you woody, support i have had from here has helped me alot as a parent you try to be strong for your kids and not show your grief, inside my heart is breaking for there pain and i can do nothing


Just be strong for them, darlin. About the only thing you can really do. Give them an ear to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, and cry right along with them for what could have been. Time is the only thing that will help. hug
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jampet wexford, Westmeath Ireland
Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:32 PM CST : best way to help grieving friend at christmas
thank you all for your answers. i wish you all a happy christmas, and my thoughts with those who have lost someonehug
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