xmas party
THREAD AUTHOR
iceman69
selfoss, Southland Iceland
Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:06 PM CST : xmas party
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I am happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked
eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus
to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and
your family.
Patty Lewis Human Resources Director
December 2
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that
often coincides with Christmas
though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we are calling
it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis Human Resources Director
December 3
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I am happy to
accommodate this request, but don't forget, if I put a sign on the table
that reads "AA Only", you won't be anonymous any more. In addition, forget
about the gifts exchange -- no gifts will be allowed since the union
members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis Human Researchers Director
December 7
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each
will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay
men's table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis Human Racehorses Director
December 9
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by
wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to
be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit".
Patty Lewis Human Ratraces
December 10
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians - I've had it with you people!! We are going to hold this
party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the
table farthest from the "grill of death", as you put it, and you will get
salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes
have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm
hearing them right now... HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday. Drive
drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I am sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness. I will continue to forward your cards to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full
pay. Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director
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