Can anyone relate?

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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:15 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
I have known many that are simply in love with the idea of being in love.dunno

Love Addiction – The Characteristics
The following are some of the obvious traits of this addiction:

* Is unable to trust in relationships
* Has an inner rage over lack of nurturing in childhood
* Battles with depression
* Tolerates high-risk behavior
* Has other addictive or compulsive behaviors
* Questions values and life all the time
* Has a frantic personality
* Denies problems
* Confuses wants as needs
* Replaces ended relationships immediately

Love Addiction – What’s does it leave in its wake? Addicts tend to stifle any self-development because they feel only a need to obtain what their partner has obtained. Unrealistic hopes and dreams tend to shatter their relationships quickly and because of this pattern of disappointment, fear and dependency are resident emotions. As soon as possible after a breakup, the addict will find another partner to avoid self-dependence; or they may dwell in the remains of a lost relationship even to the point of stalking the person that left. Instead of honesty and self-integrity, the addict is destructive to a loving partnership.
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tina_olson Westby, Wisconsin USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:20 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
Doesn't describe myself...But do know alot of people both men and women who are like that...A guy friend made a comment about a women he once knew said she was like a monkey on a vine-wouldn't let go of the last one til she had a hold of the next...
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:45 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
tina_olson: Doesn't describe myself...But do know alot of people both men and women who are like that...A guy friend made a comment about a women he once knew said she was like a monkey on a vine-wouldn't let go of the last one til she had a hold of the next...

\
Many a men are like this also. Some people have no clue that the loss of one relationship must be grieved before entering into another one. I did that foolish thing many a time in the past.

I would truly like to have a "relationship" with ONE woman. That cannot happen as long as mom is around, it would not be fair to the woman or to my mother..

In the meantime, I have many relationships with many women (and men). Life is good, it is what it is and today, I accept that.
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:03 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
"DENIAL", it is such a wonderful tool..rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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dazzling_dave Waynesboro, Virginia USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:07 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
HJFinAZ: "DENIAL", it is such a wonderful tool..


Wasn't me.
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jvaski south lake tahoe, California USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:08 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
HJFinAZ: "DENIAL", it is such a wonderful tool..


I think that sometimes we could just afford to not analyze love and let it flow ......... professor
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dazzling_dave Waynesboro, Virginia USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:10 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
jvaski: I think that sometimes we could just afford to not analyze love and let it flow .........


It took me a very long time to realize that the single common denominator in all of my failed relationships was me.
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:12 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
dazzling_dave: It took me a very long time to realize that the single common denominator in all of my failed relationships was me.


thumbs up yay peace cheering applause

Ain't it the truth...doh
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:13 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
But, were they really "failures", or were they chances to grow and to learn?confused
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:14 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
http://www.loveandaddiction.com/ grin



Brenda Schaeffer

The focus of this site is to foster an understanding of love and love addiction. It is intended to help you identify the characteristics of healthy love and addictive love and free you to live life more abundantly. As you will learn, real love is not addiction, nor is addiction love. Yet, these two experiences can come together and result in tremendous pain and suffering. My hope is that you will find at least one piece of information here that impacts your love life in a meaningful way. This site is not intended to cure specific problems. However, with increased awareness, we can begin to solve relationship problems with more compassion and with lasting effect. My hope is that this site gives you a few more pieces to life's puzzle. Let me know if and how it helps you.
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dazzling_dave Waynesboro, Virginia USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:19 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
HJFinAZ: But, were they really "failures", or were they chances to grow and to learn?


Some were failures because I didn't learn from them. Once I started looking into that accursed mirror, only then could I see the real problem.

Before I began truly looking at myself as the problem, I would be strongly attracted to one of "us", thus insuring failure.
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:24 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
dazzling_dave: Some were failures because I didn't learn from them. Once I started looking into that accursed mirror, only then could I see the real problem.

Before I began truly looking at myself as the problem, I would be strongly attracted to one of "us", thus insuring failure.


I see...... That self-inventory stuff..sigh

But it is always to easier to blame "others" for our problems, our failures..crying

grin devil
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sassy49senior Itty Bitty, Nebraska USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:31 AM CST : Can anyone relate?

As many of you already know from previous threads, I have
been with 2 men, first 36 years, 2nd 2 years. When it was
time for me to face the truth with Nick and know I had to
leave I was devasted. Marriages to me are a lifetime
committment. However, before I was out the door he was on
POF looking for another woman. Was very hard for me to think
love meant so little to him. However some good came out of
it also. I learned that I am not here to just make sure the
man I am with is always happy, but I have a right to make
sure I am also happy if I ever get into another relationship.
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dazzling_dave Waynesboro, Virginia USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:33 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
HJFinAZ: I see...... That self-inventory stuff..

But it is always to easier to blame "others" for our problems, our failures..


It was much easier blaming others. It was also quite useless to do so.
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:34 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
Love Addiction is nothing but a misguided dependency on others in an attempt to fulfill unmet developmental needs. We often choose people similar to those in the past who did not meet our needs hoping this time we will end up satisfied. But because they are similar or we view them as similar, we end up feeling dissatisfied once more. A key element in identifying dependent love is how we feel when the person disapproves of us, disagrees with us, moves away from us, or threatens us. An escalation of behaviors occurs when the love object threatens to leave us psychologically or physically. Dependent love is always self-serving
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HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:39 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
Yet we all want to FEEL loved..confused
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tina_olson Westby, Wisconsin USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:41 AM CST : Can anyone relate?
sassy49senior: As many of you already know from previous threads, I have
been with 2 men, first 36 years, 2nd 2 years. When it was
time for me to face the truth with Nick and know I had to
leave I was devasted. Marriages to me are a lifetime
committment. However, before I was out the door he was on
POF looking for another woman. Was very hard for me to think
love meant so little to him. However some good came out of
it also. I learned that I am not here to just make sure the
man I am with is always happy, but I have a right to make
sure I am also happy if I ever get into another relationship.


I fully agree with you Sassy on the lifetime commitment part--in the 2 years after I left my long-term relationship(we never married) I dated another man for 9 months--he asked me on a vacation-went with to only come back and be told it was over--he already had someone else lined up....Made the excuse we were better friends than anything else....Found out later I was one of many through-out his life-always wanted and needed a woman but afraid of commitment.....Oh well-life does go on...laugh
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sassy49senior Itty Bitty, Nebraska USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:08 PM CST : Can anyone relate?
tina_olson: I fully agree with you Sassy on the lifetime commitment part--in the 2 years after I left my long-term relationship(we never married) I dated another man for 9 months--he asked me on a vacation-went with to only come back and be told it was over--he already had someone else lined up....Made the excuse we were better friends than anything else....Found out later I was one of many through-out his life-always wanted and needed a woman but afraid of commitment.....Oh well-life does go on...



Yes Tina it does go on and we are both better off.teddybear
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sweetowen Somewhere, Pennsylvania USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:15 PM CST : Can anyone relate?
I could never understand how someone always had to have someone in his/her life. To me, that makes for some bad choices. Usually, just so they're not "lonely", they get together with the first thing that comes along & shows them any attention.

I think personally, that after each relationship has ended, one has to take time to "find" him/herself again & be happy on his/her own. If you're just looking for someone to fill that void, it seems to me, it's just an addiction & not truly wanting to find your perfect match.
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yrswarrior Pearland, Texas USA
Fri Dec 26, 2008 1:20 PM CST : Can anyone relate?
dazzling_dave: It took me a very long time to realize that the single common denominator in all of my failed relationships was me.


that is why you have to reasses your self and find out what was went wrong with the relationship and try and change for there better. Or as they say Grow as a person.

But so true the statment is. Just a matter of relizing it.
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