Twas the night before Christmas and man was it neat
The kids were both gone and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky by hook or by crook
Mama was in her teddy and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry
That I lost my boner and poor Mama went dry
Up to the window I sprang like an elf
Tore back the shade while Mama played with herself
The moon on the crest of the snowman we built
Showed a broom up his class, clean up to the hilt
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a rusty old sleigh and 8 mangy reindeer
With a fat little driver half out of his sled
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite
And he yelled to his team but it did not sound right
Whoa Shithead, Whoa Asshole, Whoa Stupid, Whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts
Look out for the lamp post and don't hit the tree
Quit shaking the sleigh 'cause I gotta go pee
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore
That was some brothel he said with a smile
The reindeer are pooped so I will just stay here awhile
He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a drink
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee
Back in the den Santa reached in his sack
But his toys were all gone, some new things were packed
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find
And a 6 pack of panties, the edible kind
A bra without nipples, a penis extension
And several other things I should not even mention
A f--k ring, a g-string and all types of oil
A dildo so long it lay in a coil
This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit
So I'll leave them here and then I'll have to split
He filled every stocking and then took his leave
With one tiny butt plug left under his sleeve
He sprang to his sleigh but his feet were like lead
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead
In time he was seated and took the reigns of his hitch
Saying take me home Rudolph, this night's been a BITCH
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout
The best thing about SEX is that it never wears out.
