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You don't REALLY think men get a choice in this ... Do you?

We cop abuse for being jealous and obssesive if we meantion that getting home late from work after work because Studly Stuart took you for a coffee made us worry.

Meanwhile, should Miss Bounce from next door grin at us and say "Hi." as we pass in the supermarket, we men are "animals only after one thing."

It can and does happen. I've been an active party to that myself. But it really isn't about sexual jealousy per se. A relationship has much more to it than sex; there can also be emotional jealousy - apropos to emotional affairs, for instance (which can often be more substantive and intimate that mere sexual dalliances).

Anyway my husband and i both agree on this..

We dont need the opposite sex for anything..

We can both at least try to like what the other is doing..

He wouldnt like me to go out with the opposite sex..and
i wouldnt either..

I only need to pls him and no one else..

So we both agree on this one

Looking at this from a different viewpoint, if I had a problem with my SO having this type of relationship and she decided that it was MY problem and that she would continue having it, that would tell me that this friendshio was more important to her than I was. I don't think there would be much of a future for us in that case.

A good point, JB. Very good point. These are the reasons I was so ready to say I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Unfortunately, I then had to take a reality check of who I am.

However, again, if they've been friends long before I came into the picture, there shouldn't be a problem. But, I am human. I'm very open about everything, and that includes my faults. I admit to a bit of a jealous and possessive nature as well. So...though I agree it certainly shouldn't be a problem, and most likely wouldn't be one...I'm honest enough to say that it also might be one. All depending on the friendship and the shared activity.

I wish that I could, in all honesty, say it wouldn't ever be one. But I can't.

Kissmedeeply, What if you really enjoyed chess. Your partner did not. You join a chess clup and become friends with a male member. You both hit it off, but respect the boundries your relationship with your SO carries. There is no sexual interest in each other. Just a shared common activity. You, your So and that person hit it off. There is a tournament in a different city, and you both are invited to attend. However, your SO says no. You can't go. Your chess buddy and you will be alone together in that city. How would you feel about your SO not trusting you? Do you think all people are weak, and can't remain faithful to their partner? So many people lose out on friendships because of this whole trust issue.

Exactly. Your SO is ought to be your #1 priority. I'm highly skeptical of the knee-jerk response: "I have my close opposite-sex friends that I spend a lot of time with and you'd better adapt to it if you want to be with me." I think that approach would likely net you a lot of close opposite-sex friends and nothing else.

Ithink this is exactly how I feel about it, people that say, that they it would never bother them, either have not thought out the question, are lying or are so stuck on themselves that they beleive they are above the rest.
when with a partner there are levels of trust that take place.

1.) yes, I trust that they are onldating me... trust
2.) I trust them going out with their girlfriends and not cheating on me....trust
3.) and then there is I trst them to hang around and go do things, with the opposite sex, and ex's ...trust....

I don't care what people say, very very very few people of either sex have that sort of level three trust, sorry, we would like too, but when all you see around you is people cheating on one another and divorce rates through the roof, and hell just knowing how most of your friends of the same sex are.... I knw everyone is an individual, and should be treated in such manner, but that is why I say it all comes down to how muchyou really trust the person you are with...JMO

There is nothing wrong with a bit of possessiveness...but I find jealousy to be a lack of trust, and that has no place in a relationship for me. In fact it is one of the few things that will really piss me off, by being jealous... to me they are doubting me and my commitment to them.

Yes...that's what caused my reality check. I suddenly had that thought about how I'd feel if I was left behind regularly.

I have a need for my own space and to pursue my own activities occasionally, and if they are things he doesn't share interest in, then I wouldn't expect him to make himself miserable accompanying me. I wouldn't do that to myself or him in return either, and I respect his need for space as well. But...how often? That became the question.

Well, depends on one's concept of jealousy. I don't think it requires a lack of trust. One might simply not wish to surrender time to another person, for instance.

Nope i have to say no to this..if i enjoyed it he would still
come and be there with me or join..

My husband always comes first..Not my So called friends..

If he feel uncomfortable then it would never happen..

I would not go and certainly would not go to another city without him..

He feels the same way i do about the opposite sex...he/me either goes or we both dont..

I have never been unfaithful and wouldnt start

As you said on the last part people lose out on friendships..

Well that is ok with me..I have a husband..He is my friend..lover..partner..HUSBAND

And Ambrose, my buddy...I surprised myself as well. I had started to write that I would have no problem with it. And my inner truth monitor sounded an alarm. I had to take a break, take stock, and start over. Why do you think it started with "ouch"?!

Well for me i dont care what people say about jealously

its there..i have it..my husband first said on this topic before

i met him he would never date anyone who is jealous

He went a little further then that he married me

But then wouldn´t that apply to any friendship and not just one of the opposite sex? My point is that male and female friends should not be treated any differently and that to do so implies a lack of trust from your partner.

To me, it's all about personal definition of possessiveness/jealousy and the degree of it- very thin line in between appalling and repulsive.

No matter how perfect the trust and trustworthness of the other, minds are tilted one way or another by outside influence. The TV may give a perfect simular situation of a spouses actions but for bad intentions. The spouse is innocent, but now doubt is placed because of place for it and the TV. Then all times not perfect in no doubt become a ground for doubt. Then trust breaks and trustworthness doubted and grounds for doubts causes fight and the marriage is in danger. Never give place to any doubt no matter how perfect the trust......it will be tested someday because the miind is subject to outside influence and can be changed.


The most perfect borrower is one who never borrowed. Because even with a debt paid......sometimes the wondering about the debt payment will be wondered. If they don't remember the payment and proof is not had. See you in court my lost friend.

The same is true in this subject.

An example...

If we were at a party...

It would be cool if he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss... just to let anyone who had any doubts know that I was his, I think that´s sweet.

It would not be acceptable for him to become obnoxious or rude to a man for speaking with me, or to get angry with me because he saw me having an in depth conversation with someone.