Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship

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Harbor_Seal Rockland, Maine USA
Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:59 PM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
I bet the headline got your attention when read most relationships are destroyed bye sexual love.

How many times have you heard someone say, he or she left the relationship after a few dates or after a few months. Or I have heard woman write on some forums men are no good they just want sex and are gone.

After a few of my own failed relationships I gave a lot of thought to what is love and how do we find love and what do we do with it when we find it and last but not least, Should we have sex before marriage??

My conclusion is that sex stops the building of a budding relationship. I believe the reason for that is since sex is so good it makes you feel like you are in love; you would think that would be building and bonding you and your lover. Just the opposite is true and here is the reasons why.

Sexual love is deceiving. You are so determined this person is the one. Soon as the newness begins to wear off you begin to notice the flaws, the bad habits or that this person begins to look different to you. You now realize your feelings for this person have changed. Soon after you are thinking you want out and fast. Sex no longer is as exciting. You think to yourself you now realize you really don't love this person. {You never was in love, more then likely} You may even deceive yourself into thinking you have fallen out of love. Sometimes both have come to this same conclusion.

One rule to always follow when you think you are in love. Never go by just your feelings because our feelings can change on a daily bases. So feelings alone can give us a false summation of our situation with this person.

Getting to know someone should be a fun experience. One of sexual tension as well if the chemistry is there from the beginning if you don't act on it. The tension will act as a catalyst and draw you both in deeper but with an acute awareness of each other and this gives adds energy to the building of a lasting bonding as opposes being sexually involved. Sex will be get you to wearing rose colored glasses and all looks so beautiful. A commitment can't be built just on chemistry or money.

I believe a commonality of interest, shared thoughts, ideas, goals and being of the same religion is the real cement that bonds two people into a commitment. Therefore, sexual interest should only be a doorway to learn more about each other and not a way of life in the beginning. Sex should be after marriage. That way the marriage will have far more importance and meaning for both people and it is also within the realm of a real commitment. That way too no one goes into the marriage with blind folders on if both have been upfront and not putting on an act but are their real selves from day one.

The next point I would like to make is the definition of love.

Love I believe, if one can put it into words is more than just a feeling. Love is wanting to commit to another person and put that person before self. Giving love should be an unselfish act because you want to please this person, or make something better for them and never give to get. Real love has no room for a lot of selfishness as that destroys relationships. Unfortunately being the creatures we, our basic instincts is one of selfishness and self preservation. Often when we size up a person and our interaction with them; we think what am I going to get out of this if I get involved with this person?

We should be thinking if we are considering the possibilities with someone new; what can I give that would benefit this person for friendship or for love and will it be mutual and beneficial? A lopsided relationship leads to frustration, defeat and either has a swift ending or a prolonged, frustrating and fruitless association.

Now this Harbor Seal is going looking to find some nice, old rotten fish for a late night snack out in the harbor from some fisherman's lobster traps. onk, onk, oops, that for pigs. Arf arf I mean. lol







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druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
Sat Dec 27, 2008 4:58 PM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
Yes, your title sure got my interest. And you have some valid points in your OP. I have learned to wait until a steady relationship based on shared interests, ideas, thoughts, and goals is established. I agree that basic religious belief compatibility is also a must.

However, we are from different generations when it comes to the moral values. And since I don't plan at this point to get married legally again but would like a long term partner, if I waited for marriage now, sex would never happen within that relationship. Or might never happen, for I'm not saying I'd never marry again, only that I don't plan to do so. (I've learned never to say never.)

But yes, with someone new, I do consider what I can give them just as much as I do what they offer me. And could care less of money, but do find chemistry to be just as important as any other part of the relationship, for without it all I have is a great friend and companion, not a relationship partner. Sex, to me, is just as important a part of a good relationship as the rest of it. So, yes, I think it's important before there's a really strong commitment to make sure that the compatibility extends into the bedroom as well.

Very good post, and it should be an interesting thread. wine
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nomindgames Painesville, Ohio USA
Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:11 PM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
Again everyone is different.In this I mean every couple is.So what works for 1 doesn't for another.
I personally feel my body is special as is anythingabout me.I mean I respect myself mind body and soul.I also like myself as we all should.So for me giving sex away or giving into raging hormones when just meeting is not for me.I want to be treated as a lady for 1 and I don't share or give anthing intamite to a person unless I respect them and them me.Also already have another connection before sex,like common interests and goals.When it becomes love ,when we agree to commit,then I find sex to be wonderful,sharing our bodies,our fantasies etc. in the bed on the table,wherever.I want to pleasure him as hopefully he does I also,because it's not just lust in selfishness,it's out of feelings for one another.Am I aprude?In some eyes probably but it's my life.Let me say that I am not putting down anyone else who has different beliefs or actions then I do about this subject.To each their own and I respect anyones choice even if I disagree,there is a diffrence.This was simply mine to share.
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petegozo Victoria, Gozo Malta
Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:17 PM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
I am just responding to your headline without reading the rest.I know a bunch of people whose sexlife or lack of it within their relationship destroyed their being together.

The way I see it a relationship is like your car you don't maintain it you will lose it.

cheers Coronas with Maine Lobster. banana
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potsy_au Sunbury, Victoria Australia
Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:23 PM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
I agree with what you say to a certain extent in that you really need to develop a love for that person before you begin a sexual relationship. However the 3 main causes of breakdowns in relationships are 1. Money 2. Lack of Communication 3. Sexual problems. I would suggest all three of these areas need to be ironed out before you marry. What if you find your partner is a gambler or what if their libido is very low and yours is very high and vice versa? In both cases you need to find that out before marriage or it is probably doomed to failure. In biblical times they had a period of Betrothal which from my theological studies was a much stronger bond than a modern day Engagement. Some suggest that it was like a trial marriage. The question of course then is, was Mary the mother of Jesus a virgin? But that is a debate for another day. But it seems that sex before marriage is not a new thing. It is very likely that it was normal practice for centuries. I think these days it is more of a control that the church likes to have, in a society that is changing at last, thank goodness!!

Your argument too, seems to be based around marriage being for everyone. In many countries in the past it was only the rich people who got married. Many could not afford either the ceremony in the church or to register the union, so they lived together. If you are living together, which many do now, it is hard to determine whether a real love developed before sex or not. But this could be said of marriage. There are still marriages that only last a few weeks and obviously they were not unions of love, but I bet they had sex after the ceremony!!

In summary whether you get married or not I think it is up to the individuals to decide when they will start having sex. From my experience sex is much more enjoyable in a loving relationship anyway. Perhaps that is what we should be teaching young people. Don't have sex before you build a relationship involving a loving understanding for each other. Then celebrate it with sex. Develop the relationship first, then, when you both feel the time is right, begin a sexual relationship. It’s time schools took up "relationship development" as a subject so that young people have a better understanding of building relationships. Some of these relationships will still fail, but at least it might reduce some of the acrimonious divorces for those who marry or acrimonious break ups for those who don't.
David
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pretzelman Las Vegas, Nevada USA
Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:46 PM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
doh Tell that to Britney Spears!!doh
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Marseilles Somewhere, Indiana USA
Thu Jan 1, 2009 6:37 AM CST : Sex Outside of Marriage can Destroy the Relationship
Couldn't agree with you more!
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