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I would always have a welcome mat out for SUPERVISED visits with the other parent!!

I agree with PM... if there is no reason to be concerned at his contact with the children, its better late than never with contact with their father. Whatever the issues may be between husband and wife, the relationship with the children is something completely separate!

Allow them the opportunity to inter-act with their father?

When my ex & I split, he didn't bother with our daughter for 2 years. Then, when he did come back into her life, he tried to tell her I wouldn't let him see or talk to her. She believed him too, until I argued to her that that simply wasn't true. He even told her I wanted to abort her. It was nasty.

But I did think it was important for her to see him. After all, he was her father. And no matter how I felt about him, that wasn't going to change.

She's now almost 22 & won't even call him "Dad" anymore. In the end, she saw what he really was. And she & I are very close.

You do what you think is best for the child, even if it doesn't coincide with the childs wishes. It's hard, and I've been there. You may feel very alone. People may disagree with you. But do what YOU think is best for the child.

And remember, the child is often better off without that person in their lives. You don't want to put your child in a situation with a parent that will say they'll be there and they never show up. That was my decision, I didn't want my daughter to ever know neglect and she would have with her father. He's never seen her.

Being the better person is sticking to your guns for what is best, not bowing to others wishes and what they may say.

I had people who disagreed with my decisions come back to me later and say I'd done the right thing, though not one person thought I was doing the right thing at the time.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me. I'll tell you what I went through.


Dana

Emily is 13, knows what I did and the reasons I did them. She's thanked me for loving her enough to do what I did. She has never had any desire to meet her father.

Do I agree to disagree? I have never been married so I don't have much hurt feelings towards the man so it doesn't have anything to do with our differences, it's what's best for the child, that's my only concern. I didn't give up on the child. So do I reward the one that did? Do I think about how the father dela when he wasn't thinking of the feelings his child?

Kim, if you hit the quote button we'll know who you are speaking to.

I wouldn't consider the fathers feelings. Only the child. And the childs future. If you do this, how will it affect the childs future? Do you think it will be positive or disruptive?

Exactly!!

But it would also depend on the absent parent. Why they went absent. If they are not a threat to the child they should have a relationship.

If they cannot get over the Custody parent nor how they feel 'cheated' It should be supervised visitation, even if the visits take place @ the Police Station.

When i was a girl, my mother showed me the court i shouldd direct myself to if my father wouldn't want to give me some change

It's better to let the kids see their dad. They will find out by themselves whether he is a good dad or not. Dads deserve a second chance. Maybe they were too young to assume a kid by the time of the conception or for other reasons they were in denial. Sometimes mothers also don't make things easy...so, let them see as long as he doesn't constitute any danger to the child's integrity.

You know, I just told my daughter about this and asked her if her opinions had changed, just to be sure, you know. She said that she still thinks I did the best thing and she still has no desire to meet her father.

Honestly, she's had good men around her to be a good influence on her and to spend time with her, and we've always been just fine with the two of us. I also was not married to her father.

But these decisions are always so individual.

Oh my father paid unwelcomed visits drunk. We moved all the time, and he always found us.

It was hillarious, especially when he crawled!





I however, didn't like it when he got rough with my mum. He probably should have stayed away and not brought us misery!

He went on to claim everything that belonged to my mother after she died, saying he was her husband. He was such a bad father, we had to live with a step sister( ). More hell there, but we survived. We are all very close now.

My father has changed though, probably because he's getting old.


I think every mother should decide whether or not, to let the man back into their lives, depending on his behaviour before. Some fathers are just pathetic, and just because their sperm helped bring children into this world, doesn't make them 'fathers'.!

It's also a good thing to let the children see 'him' and decide for themselves, rather than live 'not knowing'.

It depends on WHY the other parent lost their rights.

Conviction of a sex offense with a child is different from being disabled and not able to pay child support for a year which in Texas is enough to terminate rights.

By the way sometimes I hear mothers saying "that SOB drinks users drugs is violent and cant hold a job and shouldn't be able to see his child"

Sometimes I ask-- "Well what were you thinking when you were f---king him?"

I got kids that come from.... well several different men. The kids are all grown now. But i never denied anybody visitation rights. If the man is a dead beat kids kids pick up on it. You just supervise the visits, never say anything derogatory around the child. Just kinda be the bigger person. It all works out.

When the sex is good you don't think about that. But you do pay later.

What if the condom broke?

I somehow don't see myself, having sex with a drunk s.o.b, drug addict, who can't hold a job. I don't look down on people with an addiction, i just won't go there, as i saw what it did to my family, when my father drunk like a whale.