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been 2 years now my goin to be ex husband left us.
when my son was about 3 yo, he saw his dad beat me up and he still remember the moment. when he saw his dad (he is 5 yo now)at my parents house..(his first visit after 2 years disappear)he ran away and wouldnt let his dad touch him. my son decide if he wantd to see him or not. its all up to him coz he know who he really was

When man chooses to not be in his kids lives, then he choosed it until end of his life.
Father is man, who will raise kids, not who made happen this child.
If my younger son who will not understand yet who is his father and what actually to be father means I will let him ask that one day himself from me. If he asks, who is his real father then I tell his name. It is every childs right to know, who are their parents. Lies will come out anyway one day.

Even though my ex signed his rights away to me. My daughter has been asking about him. I broke down yesterday and called him to tell him that she is wanting to meet him and his parents. He said he would call me back after he talked to them and let me know. He is her father and she has a right to know him.

Its an issue that has many dilemas It is dependant on the circumstances If the parents have separated because they have fallen out of love with each other it is important for the child to know that they are still loved by both parents

I know how hard it can be to watch your child feeling hurt when dad lets them down and as a mother our initial reaction is to want to stop them from the hurt but thats not real life life is about hurt pain and being let down I think it is our job to help our kids to manage the disappointments in life and equip them to deal with it

I must admit ive been lucky here, I split with my daughters father when she was nearly 2, and for 2 years it was rough, we would argue, but he did see her every other weekend, and had her if I went away, and even when I moved to Spain from the UK, he made an effort to stay in contact, and this year she is going to go and live with him in the UK, because she wants to go to collage there, and to be honest, I get on well with him now,

But my Ex Husband who bought her up from being 2, until she was 13, and who makes a fuss saying he wants to see her, hardly ever rings her!!!!

i let my ex still see the kids,after all she is still there mother and if i didnt then i dont want the kids to resent me for it, pluss its not fiar to punish them,

even tho she only lives about 50 miles away and see's the kids less than what my fiancee does now and she lives 3500 miles away

Hiya Kim
First there is no easy answer,and much depends on the type of split thats taken place,amicable or complete hell,either will take its toll on the child but as damage control,as a guy and a full time worker children see much more in mum or if roles reversed dad,thats their comfort in times of need,the split is between couples and this is were anger,blackmail,deciept gets used on the kids to choose, no one is better as you are both parents and responsible till they have a home and family of their own and even then it does'nt stop,but never stop the visits just put in place set days and times and conditions of behavour,this generaly stops people saying and doing wrong,if the other party is serious they will bend ,beg plead,and tow the line,if they fail keep a record of events and remove the visits via a court order.
If you are interested in my view please mail me ,best of luck my friend and take care.....................gray

If your ex held your 6 month old child by his ankles and dangled him over a railing threatening to drop him if you didn't get him a beer fast enough....would you?
If he walked in from hanging with his friends and comes over and slaps a child of less than a year in the face. When asked why he did it all he could say was "He has to learn life isn't all fun and games".....would you?
If while carrying his children (2) he repeatedly beat you and punched you in the stomach saying he wished the bastards would just die......would you?
My ex hasn't seen the boys in over 16 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are the better for it.

Regardless of what broke a couple up I think its important to keep relationships with the father, its important to the kids and its not their fault things did'nt work out. Providing he is a good dad keep doors open, the kids will thank you for it and when they are older will be able to make own decisions.

It's seems like an easy answer. But is it? What if your child wanted to see his or her dad? You try to think of the future, you know the other family will talk to your child in later years and say they were denied time with them and say their mother was horrible, do you let them see your child to avoid that and try to be the better person? Or do you just completely close the door to visitation? Either way the child will get hurt, but which way do you choose?[/quoteOBIVIOUSLY, I HAVE AND EX WIFE AND DAUGHTER WHO ALINATED ME 5 YRS AGO, AFTER ME WORKING, A FEW HOMES OWNED, WORKED SIDE JOBS, WORKED ALL THE ROUND THE HOUSE, HELPED OTHERS
TAUGHT MY KIDS SPORTS, WENT TO MOST EVENTS, NOW I GET TOLD FROM MY DAUGHTERS ONLY E-MAILS THAT SHELL HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME IF IM NICE TO HER MOTHER, WHO TOOK ME TO THE CLEANERS ON EVERYTHING AND DOESNT , TALK TO MY FAMILY AND AVOID EV ERYONE IN MY FAMILY.BUT I AM GOOD FOR MY PAYCHECK AS USUAL, 20, OOO A YEAR FOR COLLEGE AND CHILD SUPPORT

well ill tell my story i guess. i have 5 kids three from first woman and two from second. first woman and i split. i took the two living kids through court proceedings and left her with one still in the womb.never to have contact with first woman again no suport for the children from her nor did i ask for it.i was open to letting her see the kids when ever she put forth the effort to do so but it didnt happen often in the begining and stop all together as time grew.my daughter was four and my son was one when this bagan and when my daughter was 13 or 14 she declared she wanted to visit and get to know her mother . HOLY CRAPOLY. so after a major fight with at the time was the step mother and a lot of reasuring to the daughter that i would make sure all went well she began the journey of getting to know her biomom. it was all good at first and my daughter thought biomom was the cream. then it grew to my son and a fight with stepmom and him thinking biomom was the cream.but out of this i got to know my third child from first woman and we get along super duper. now it hurt me. thought i was losing my kids to a no count mother that never did jack for them then or now. we need to trust our kids. we teach them right from wrong good from bad. they have the right to know thier parents. they have the right to judge thier parents.so no matter our feelings in the matter as long as we think it is safe we need to let nature take its course. i think my children respect me more for fighting for thier rights and standing up for them.now that they got to know thier biomom they know what the world knows and have made thier own minds up on the matter and we can move forward with out it being a life long negative. you want to know your parents. they need to know thiers. plus i know i didnt do the right things for the third child but we fix what we break and move forward. there are not a lot of things i have done the right way in my life but with my kids my heart explodes for them and i know for a fact that every child has the right to loving parents and if it is possiable they should be the bio parents. hope this made sense to you all if you took the time to read it

MD i appreciatteyour knoledge, thank you

For a court to terminate parental rights there has to have occurred some serious events. Abandoning the child -committing a serious felony and on top of that not fighting in court to keep their rights.

Often its for years of non -support.

How convenient is it - to come back later and say
"I'm sorry" and now that the obligation to pay support is terminated I want to be a mom or dad again.

Actions speak louder than words or even emails lol in this case the parent should pay all the back support + interest and penalties before being allowed to see the child.

Actions speak louder than words or even emails lol in this case the parent should pay all the back support + interest and penalties before being allowed to see the child. dose a child want back child support or the love of a parent.can a childs emotions be repaired with support. what about the childs rights here. what the child needs mentally if far greater than child support and collecting monies. so his or her parent is a dead beat but loves and cares for the child with all else. ill support the kid myself if the other just is there with the love and mental stability for the child. kids arent raised on child support but love , understanding , and compasion. i know it takes cash but dont hold a child for ransom

my children always saw their mom as long as it was supervise

I agree 100%.