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Marriage is not an act of desperation
" " love
" " comittment














Marriage is an act of stupidity!!

Agreed by and large Dru. I think nurturing and or being nurtured is a prime human requirement. Whether that ought to translate to 'forever' or even love as most people seem to think it is, I am not so sure..

I didn´t intend it to sound final. I met my ex when was 15 and was married at 18 years old for 25 years. I don´t think anybody can experience first, young and more importantly, enduring love ever again. It is different. Hówever, I certainly haven´t ruled out the possibility of being in love again but, I am a different person now, I´m used to being without a live in partner, so if I were to fall in love how could it possibly be the same?

I don´t have high expectations, that´s being realistic, not negative.

there's a lot of proof for that sentiment

that clears it up!.. Perhaps 'older love' will be wiser and hence more gratifying or just gratifing in its own way?

I think these "considerations" came from my basic needs, not from 'observation' of repetitive behavior from others.

In general, I like to think of it as a partnership
just like Dusty said


I understand what you are saying, but I don’t believe it's learned 'behavior', hence I don't think we would be healthier as species "had we chosen other 'behaviors'".

Take for example any other partnership:
a commitment to emotional and psychological support between two people would define it for me.
Add lust to it and I wouldn’t go farther searching for this elusive love... that everyone has their own definition for. This combination would do just fine for me, I think. It's a good basis for love to grow, when 'in-love' wears off. And it's not imposed by anything but my primal needs. So does monogamy (to me).

No, they, in general, do not. Because people don't get what they need out of it. Back to emotional and psychological support, and physical needs to be met.

I, by the way, don't think that many people can give what it takes for a relationship to last. And not just because they don't want to, but simply because they are not capable of it, they are not evolved enough.

That's where hate and intolerance to another gender comes from: mismatch between feeling entitled and not capable of 'giving', not being developed enough ... never mind - it's already a different topic

Gosh, no - nothing would make me feel lonelier than staying in a 'disfunctional' relationship. By the way women keep repeating it again and again in forums: better alone than with a wrong person.

I agree with this also, Dru.

Agreed, Jan. I'm a different person than I was in any of my prior relationships. Going through what I did with my late husband's cancer and death, and the Spiritual journey that I embarked upon with it, have changed me tremendously. I've grown a lot, as well. So, I have different needs now in a partner than I had earlier in life's journey. What I find now will also be different. I'm more complete, and now have needs for another to be complete. I have needs for space now, too, that I didn't before. I need time for me, and for friends. I need someone who can give me that, and understand it...perhaps because they have their own equal need for the same things. I don't know right now if I want a live-in partner. Probably, in time...but right now I like having my own home to myself. My space. My retreat from the world. And my place to welcome my friends into when I want. But I like my solitude as well.

I don't. I want a different and better love next time around.

I agree with you, Laura. Excellent points.

Absolutely, Dana.

Ah yes, but these partnerships are not seen as forever or undertaken as a pact, they just seem to happen without precondition.(though conditions may be added later) In that vane I could see it as basic human needs to connect, though I don't think continuance of the same connection is necessarily a need. Maybe destiny? in a weird way, a need.


Ae you saying that primal needs sated is what keeps you going with the same person? (provided the support factors you mention are there as well?)


Interesting. You're saying evolution is heading towards making relationships that last? It seems quite the reverse in reality



I wish you had continued this thought ...



Well I agree there's nothing more hellish than the feeling of isolation, of actually feeliing alone when youre IN a relationship ... but perhaps evolving from this, requires endurance? IF true love is after all, selfless. Is it then the wrong person? Or is it the person who presented you with the limit of your evolution?

Love is a 'spiritual' extention.

Most of us spend our whole lives looking for that
true meaning of LOVE.

What I have seen happen are people passing from one
addiction on to another addiction mistaking each
one for LOVE.

Example:

1) .A person who cannot be by their self, ...ever.
They fill up their time with all kinds of busy
activities and mates and boyfriends, girlfriends.
They have multiple marriages because they could
not figure out why they felt empty or that their
partner just didn't understand them...
(fear not Love)

2) .Addiction to cigarettes to do something with their
hands, feel a rush, fill the emptyness...
(fear not Love)

3) .Chocolate: Sugar addition
Got to fill up that empty feeling!
(fear not Love)

4) .~~ more and more addictions.
spending money,
vanity,
shopping,
gambling,...
You name it...

What we don't fill up is our Spiritual Self.
Therein lies the answer to any addiction.
Take away the addiction and you have to replace
it with something......
Real Love is finding, again, your Spiritual Self
and sustaining and fostering that.

but does it have to be forever? will you only accept the possibility of love provided it shows signs of forever or more appropriately the rest of your life.

What if you knew you could have that love but that it would only be for two weeks, would that alter your deisre to jump in?

And this is really what I am getting at ... should the preconcieved notion of forever, be the reason for experiencing a love.

But that doesn't sound like love. It sounds like a 'fix'.

Good words, but here is my problem with spirituality. Not really a problem; but more like a reason for not induging it to the point of addiction to it.

If there a life beyond this in spirit, then indulging spirit now would be wasting the real tangible experience of this life?

If there is not life beyond this, then again, what is gained by ignoring the tangeable delectable nature of being alive?

And I am not even an A type personality for whom experiencing life is a must

Then you must know (or think you do, ie- forever) how long love will last in order for it not to be a 'fix' you see. In the bigger scope of life it is all a fix by your defintion, simply because you have no ultimate control over the 'time' of experience.

Was your first love a fix, or the next, or the next? I certainly don't mean it in the sense of a fix; but more of letting go of preconcieved notions that limit possibilties to experience.

But, We are in Spirit, now.
This world is 'made' by the ego which makes illusion.
What we want are 'things' that are not real.
When our bodies are done with and falls away - what
is left is our spirit still all around - as always. We just
have lost track of that - forgotten.

The ego seemed to have won out but at the expense of a
world of attack, confusion, degradation and with the gift
of fear. Yea

Marriage is a declaration, not of desperation, but of acceptance and public applaud. Proof to all who witness it that there will always remain hope, faith and Love.
There may or may not be a singular soulmate out there for each and every person, but there is in truth no requirement for such. Commitment and determination to press through whatever issues arise that must me met head on equally by both parties is absolutely required to maintain this illustrious position.

Monogamy is not the cause of failure in marriage, it is rather the pressing individual needs that is nurtured by our media that is crippling our ability to persevere against obstacles as more than a singular entity. A failure to maintain a connection to the spiritual and thus allowing us to lose our focus. We are all about the here and now and how that affects us as if there is nothing else. The loss of spiritual goals has made the concept of unity fade to a bitter dream for many and an impossibility for more.
Seeking the new world goals of personal success has driven us out of the conceptualization of forever, groups, or any sort of social togetherness. As long as we seek to better only ourselves at the cost of others, the insidious nature of our fortresses of solitude will keep us separate from anthing that could possibly weaken us in the eyes of the others who press ahead and leave their trails of carnage in the lives of others.
If our mate is less in some way should we not seek to bolster those points as they would do for us? Rather than abandon them to seek something that will make us 'better?'
Most marriages fail because of selfish impositions. When marriage is intended to be a selfless prospect that supports two individuals in a union of one.

Love is an act of God, in whatever form it manages to reside in those who understand it.

Yes, every single word he said.