Why is it so hard to have it all?

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dsmidiman Indianapolis, Indiana USA
It seems to me that most everyone is looking for the same things in relationships with each other. They want friendship, honesty, no games, emotional connection, loyalty, mutual interests and of course chemistry. I've been divorced and have jumped in and out of dating for 5 years now and it seems like you either find people who just want the chemistry (sex) and nothing else or they just want to be friends and the closeness that comes with chemistry isn't important? Just wondering.... confused



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
dsmidiman: It seems to me that most everyone is looking for the same things in relationships with each other. They want friendship, honesty, no games, emotional connection, loyalty, mutual interests and of course chemistry. I've been divorced and have jumped in and out of dating for 5 years now and it seems like you either find people who just want the chemistry (sex) and nothing else or they just want to be friends and the closeness that comes with chemistry isn't important? Just wondering....


I am struggling with what you are wondering about.

Chemistry is not just about sex.



jenae indianapolis, Indiana USA
dsmidiman: It seems to me that most everyone is looking for the same things in relationships with each other. They want friendship, honesty, no games, emotional connection, loyalty, mutual interests and of course chemistry. I've been divorced and have jumped in and out of dating for 5 years now and it seems like you either find people who just want the chemistry (sex) and nothing else or they just want to be friends and the closeness that comes with chemistry isn't important? Just wondering....


You do have a point, there, dismidiman! And it isn't the one that sits between your shoulders...laugh Just kidding!..



Ghoenkop Witbank, Johannesburg South Africa
Tried Kellogs All Bran Flakes?

In South Africa their advert say - we had it all this morning, with Kellogs All Bran Flakes............
dsmidiman Indianapolis, Indiana USA
Your correct, Chemistry is probably the wrong word to use, A better term would be physical attraction or "does she/he make you warm for thier form".... lol
Chemistry is about the warm fuzzy feeling one gets with simply holding hands or looking into the other one's eyes. Chemistry is about the warm comforting and secure feeling that comes with snuggling on the couch together to read a book or watch a movie. Chemistry is what can make sex so darn great but sex most certainly is not the major component of Chemistry. professor
dsmidiman Indianapolis, Indiana USA
You have a point there yourself. I suppose the answer is figuring out how to get all the points connected. :)



jenae indianapolis, Indiana USA
dsmidiman: You have a point there yourself. I suppose the answer is figuring out how to get all the points connected. :)
Oh, man!.. I just noticed, you're from Indy, too!.. That is too funny.. Sorry, I was so in to responding, I failed to look at your native land....wave



pretzelman Las Vegas, Nevada USA
dsmidiman: It seems to me that most everyone is looking for the same things in relationships with each other. They want friendship, honesty, no games, emotional connection, loyalty, mutual interests and of course chemistry. I've been divorced and have jumped in and out of dating for 5 years now and it seems like you either find people who just want the chemistry (sex) and nothing else or they just want to be friends and the closeness that comes with chemistry isn't important? Just wondering....



You can have it all my friend. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. "everything" is out there, trust me!!handshake
Ambrose2007 Badger, South Dakota USA
Sommerauer71: I am struggling with what you are wondering about.

Chemistry is not just about sex.


thumbs up head banger
Ambrose2007 Badger, South Dakota USA
dsmidiman: Your correct, Chemistry is probably the wrong word to use, A better term would be physical attraction or "does she/he make you warm for thier form".... lol
Chemistry is about the warm fuzzy feeling one gets with simply holding hands or looking into the other one's eyes. Chemistry is about the warm comforting and secure feeling that comes with snuggling on the couch together to read a book or watch a movie. Chemistry is what can make sex so darn great but sex most certainly is not the major component of Chemistry.


Or perhaps the most notable manifestation of it?

I can - barely - imagine sexual chemistry sans all the other components of what attracts us to another (which I think is what "chemistry" truly refers to), but I think it would be awfully transitory, and not nearly as intense/satisfying as with someone with whom we experience the more "holistic" chemistry.wave beer
jbibiza Ibiza, Islas Baleares Spain
In response to: It seems to me that most everyone is looking for the same things in relationships with each other. They want friendship, honesty, no games, emotional connection, loyalty, mutual interests and of course chemistry. I've been divorced and have jumped in and out of dating for 5 years now and it seems like you either find people who just want the chemistry (sex) and nothing else or they just want to be friends and the closeness that comes with chemistry isn't important? Just wondering....



Saying that people are looking for the same things doesn´t make it a match... what one person considers loyalty is that they don´t sleep with anyone else, what another considers loyalty is that they support you in all ways. Saying you want an emotional connection doesn´t mean you can have one...and what one person considers to be a game another considers getting to know you.

So even though the words are the same, what those things mean can vary greatly with each person.



WhatUwish4 Jacksonville, Florida USA
It seems sometimes that people expect their perfect soulmate to just arrive on a silver platter all perfectly wrapped and everybody lives happily ever after -- but lots of the qualities they mention only come over time. You've got to invest a lot of time, trust and communication before you grow to be soul mates...
JMHO

hole
hopefloats Slim's Lady, Tennessee USA
A lot of good points made in this thread already. thumbs up
Big_John Ocean Springs, Mississippi USA
WhatUwish4: It seems sometimes that people expect their perfect soulmate to just arrive on a silver platter all perfectly wrapped and everybody lives happily ever after -- but lots of the qualities they mention only come over time. You've got to invest a lot of time, trust and communication before you grow to be soul mates...
JMHO


This is what makes long distance relationships so hard. I know they can work, but it takes a whole lot of effort. I don't think it is hard to have it all. Be careful how you define "all" and you mine get there faster.



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
Big_John: This is what makes long distance relationships so hard. I know they can work, but it takes a whole lot of effort. I don't think it is hard to have it all. Be careful how you define "all" and you mine get there faster.


Ah, one of my favourite men here...

They are not easy, as I am finding out, however, with the effort that we are willing to invest and with some careful planning, I do believe that we can have it all, however, as you so rightly say, John, defining all, is not easy.

And if we have it all, are we then not taking away what we give ourselves...

You know, when you are apart from the one you want you to be with, there are times when a person could give up, but then, embracing the missing, rather than trying to fight it, part of it becomes easier to accept, we just look at it, as where it will take us, rather than rushing it all and making huge plans that may never work, he has his work, family commitments where he is and I have mine here, that is fact, for now, we choose to enter into it, so we cannot complain too much that it is hard.

I don't have him near me everyday, not physically, but he is there, and we know we can manage until the time comes again when we can be together..

For now, that is all we have, yearning for more, will do nothing other than make it harder. Acceptance and embracing what we have is the best that I can do.

HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
dsmidiman: It seems to me that most everyone is looking for the same things in relationships with each other. They want friendship, honesty, no games, emotional connection, loyalty, mutual interests and of course chemistry. I've been divorced and have jumped in and out of dating for 5 years now and it seems like you either find people who just want the chemistry (sex) and nothing else or they just want to be friends and the closeness that comes with chemistry isn't important? Just wondering....


Want in one hand, crap in the other. See which one fills up first..doh

Are BOTH "available" mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually??dunno

Doubtful..........rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
WhatUwish4: It seems sometimes that people expect their perfect soulmate to just arrive on a silver platter all perfectly wrapped and everybody lives happily ever after -- but lots of the qualities they mention only come over time. You've got to invest a lot of time, trust and communication before you grow to be soul mates...
JMHO


ANd most are way to full of fear and have way to much baggage to stick around for the long haul. AND nothing to invest..rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing




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