Fun or Long-Term

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mindfful London Chicago, Illinois USA
Jan1305: Thanks for the replies folks, but nobody has really responded as I expected.

Firstly, I´m not pondering whether fun or long term is the best alernative. We are all at different points in our lives, thus have different needs. Neither of these lifestyle choices is under debate.

My question was about how we have lived our lives, i.e. married, with kids etc...and how this affects what we ultimately yearn for, or feel is the accepted option in later life when a long-term relationship/marriage breaks down.

My views seem to differ with my RL friends, older and younger who have not had a long marriage or children like me.


hmmmm...i guess i cant add much then

havent had the experience of a long marriage
but i have learned what i wanted by a stoopid backwards process of eliminationlaugh

i learned what i did not wantdoh
then waited and watched for years
and finally found somethin that seems a lovely fityay

i did learn that im a good waiterdancing



Jan1305 Sunshine and vino, Murcia Spain
mindfful: exactly

are they mutually exclusive?

i stayed single til i became convinced i could have bothhiiiii jan!


Ahh the voice of reason!

I want both too lucky lady!



Beethovenfan West County St. Louis , Missouri USA
In response to: What are we really looking for?

I mean those of us who have been in long-term relationships, marriages, whatever. However, young uns please contribute!

Personally, after a long marriage I am enjoying more and more the single life, but I still feel there is somethimg missing. This does not seem to be the case for friends of mine, younger and older, who remain single, but interestingly have never been married, or in a long( I mean LONG) relationship, and who have never had kids.

I have no agenda in so far as providing a father figure for my kids, they have long since flown the nest, and I have never been of that mindset that children need both a father and mother rile model in order to survive, so that brings me closer to these friends of mine without kids.

I really don´t know if it´s down to conditioning, i.e. men and women need a significant other, or because I was with the same man from the age of 16 to 43 years old.

I have more than made up for the lack of experience however since my divorce!

Sometimes I think I want somebody in my life, a monogamous relationship. but only if we can be together for the weekends!
Are you saying that you want a monogamous relationship,but only on the weekends?? How does that work...It would not be for me...and if you are serious, most men do have kids, maybe not living with them...but in their lives...Is that not true...I dont have any, but, that does not mean I did not want them...
mindfful London Chicago, Illinois USA
Dknew: Both


are we greedyconfused


cheers
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
Ever_Hopeful: I couldnt agree more, I would like to meet someone who is my best friend as well as my lover.

I dont want a man to live with, I want one I cannot live without
I couldn't have said this better, but this answer is ever bit of what I am hoping to find.applause wink



Jan1305 Sunshine and vino, Murcia Spain
Beethovenfan

:
Are you saying that you want a monogamous relationship,but only on the weekends?? How does that work...It would not be for me...and if you are serious, most men do have kids, maybe not living with them...but in their lives...Is that not true...I dont have any, but, that does not mean I did not want them...


The weekend comment was partly in jest to emphasise how difficult it is for many people, after being solo for a long time, to take on a permanent live in partner.

I don´t understand your comment about men having kids...I have kids, adults now, but still my kids, that is not the question or a problem if I were to meet anybody with kids.

I´m talking about how different lives( I mentioned my friends in the opening post) equal different perspectives and needs in life, and how this affects what we want or hope for in the future.



Beethovenfan West County St. Louis , Missouri USA
understood.....doh
Dknew Lee, New Hampshire USA
mindfful: are we greedy



yup, But I only want both with one woman grin


hug



Ever_Hopeful Bury, Greater Manchester, England UK
Big_John: Having sex and being with your best friend is about as good as it gets. I want my heart to hurt when I am away from her!


And my heart to skip a beat when my phone goes & the caller ID is his
heart wings




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