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To seek human interaction. Socialization.

and also some do it just for a game, to rise their own self-esteem by knowing they can get someone to like them....... it's sad but it happens all the time...

But does human interaction or socialization require the strip mining of hearts to gather some sort of gain to provide a memory of where they have been?
Human interaction can be attained with some sort of honesty I believe. My profile is one that I will use (and there are many others likewise clear about intention). I am here for the forums and friends only. In no way can anyone here claim otherwise as i am not only clear in my intention but firm in my belief and efforts. I have only had to clarify a few times on these issues and I would like to believe that I am at the least respected by those who know me. I have great interaction here from friends and am always open to making and experiencing more with no expectations or demands of some sort of gratification.
Are people so full of themselves (or so empty perhaps) that they cannot be fulfilled without seeming the focus of another's life or possibly all other's lives?
In this I am confused by the degrees of hurt. Many hurts are internal and were never real enough to merit the tears but others are devastatingly constructed to gain confidence and then wound as the barbs of intention are ripped free callously.
Personal gain?
Social sharing of one's own hurt to share the miseries of what has been done to oneself unjustly?
I am confused...

I agree with you here my friend. I live in a small town where there is an unbalance in drugs. At times it seems that our city is in truth run by these miscreants. They all have huge houses, new vehicles, all the 'cool' toys and 'perfect' lives. I on the other hand would never trade places with any of them as I can sleep in the comfort of knowing that what I have I have earned without it coming at the cost of the lives of others.
Their lives are secularly wonderful but empty of all else. They face no trials or tribulations of those who have any sort of spirtituality as there is no reason for their master to oppose them. He already owns them heart and soul. So why would he seek to wear them down? It is the others who strive to walk in the light that have to face the burgeoning assaults of the world endlessly in attempts to break their spirits and force them to relinquish their faith. The world is always harder on those who strive to walk the good path. It is the interaction between those who walk either side of this line that complicate life and perhaps the most dangerous ones are those who walk with their hand on the fence between both worlds.

Perhaps it is the inflated ego that refuse to accept that someone has walked away from it, that strives to appease its narccistic approach by engendering some false Love to requit itself of its loss? Another notch in the belt even if it is digital to soothe a loss of face?

Ya know...I want the answer to this too. I mean, I send out countless emails, here & other sites (even pay sites) and very rarely get a response back. Or, they'll say they've just met someone & want to see where it goes. My thought is then why don't you hide your profile while you're figuring that out? If your profile is active to me it means you're looking. And if you're seriously looking, you should be responding even if it's to say "thanks, but I'm not interested" or something along those lines. If I'm too old for you, it's ok to say so....lol

I think I'm cute & I know I have a lot to offer, but it's very frustrating when a man I find interesting doesn't even give me the time of day.

And If I do get the chance to date...mixed signals come out...the guys all affectionate, telling me I'm cute, I'm sexy...and then all of a sudden he's found someone else. That's happened to me a few times...and I too have wondered what the heck I did wrong, or what was it that they decided they didn't like...then I smack myself upside the head & remind myself that they're just really a player & not really interested at all in finding a person to build a relationship with....doesn't help much though.

This has happened to me as well and I wish there was some way to see that when first meeting with someone. Yes to the above few posters who have mentioned those who play games, those who apparently get their jollies by creating false intentions toward others. Maybe it's their sick need to be in control of something in their lives. Who knows? It is an unfortunate consequence of this medium many of us have chosen to participate in. I've met some, dated some (after a very long marriage that ended when my husband died) and have had my eyes opened again and again. It is not what I expected to be doing at this point in my life. But, this epidemic of "players" or "scammers" is something I have learned to try to deal with. It is a deplorable state of behaviours by many. It doesn't mean I personally have to engage in it, but I do have to be aware of it and try to avoid being a part of it as much as possible. I refuse to be in a self-imposed cocoon of safety by isolating myself from this or other ventures because of these degenerate individuals. Yes, at some point in my life I'd like to be with someone again. This is the point of "dating sites" in my opinion.
For me, there is no answer to the myriad of questions in this thread regarding individuals who prey on others in a multitude of ways. I live. I learn. I hope I touch lives in a favorable way. Even the "miscreants".

Intentional false advertising has to do with hidden agendas or low self esteem....either way it's a losing battle and a big, BIG waste of time; and let's face it some losers can only get laid that way because if these unsuspecting women really knew what was up, they'd not give them the time of day, and much less the time of night.

While I can sympathize with you on the first part I would tend to see this more as the prospect of parry, thrust, reparte, in the initial steps of meeting someone. A difficult task to be certain especially when one person is more serious in their intentions or expectations.
I am more concerned by the ones that have managed to overcome the anxiety of the onset issues. Entered a secondary phase of development, perhaps met and made a physical connection and then it all dries up without a word. Leaving someone holding their heart in their hands and a million unanswered questions.
I do not in truth believe that all or even much of the blame lies in the hands of the one who lies wounded. I am confounded by the ones who manage against great odds to find someone who they are potentially compatible with, and when things begin to work and the possibilities become more than potential, bordering on real they vanish. This is the issue that is currently in my craw.
I am still sympathetic to your situation as well though as this is a dating site and I would expect some level of decorum.

" A messy trail of carnage akin to spiritual serial killing. No crime as there is no body for forensics I suppose but the harm is clearly just a real."........

Barren, I've just read some of your poems and writings and followed you here to the forums. They are absolutely gorgeous. That sentence practically sums up all I feel which I have witnessed over the years with brushes I have had with these types of people.

I only wish you had written this personally to the most recent international pen-friend/confidante/new boyfriend on his visit to see me here! All the way from England - and what carnage!

It's almost as if these people argue "black is white" when you say "black is black". This one had such low self esteem that the ego was pumped up in a variety of ways that would render him "incapable" of "doing any harm to me"! Therefore, I was the one condemned, and he went scot-free, in his own opinion.

Both the relationship and friendship were trashed by him; he drove me away on the phone when he got home, then insisted days later on saying hi, as if the friendship were still there and I was at fault for not recognising his magnanimity after he had totally used me and insulted me. Nobody deserves these kinds of aquaintances who have such low self esteem that they self-detstruct all kinds of relationships the moment you say "I love you in so many ways."

But does human interaction or socialization require the strip mining of hearts to gather some sort of gain to provide a memory of where they have been?
Human interaction can be attained with some sort of honesty I believe.

Strip mining of the heart, I believe, would be akin to codependence or obsession with the person, in order to dig deep enough to know the true "them" ! And that's a costly emotional risk the mining company of MY heart will NOT contract out to do - no matter how lucrative it looks, or how much money involved

Hey, I just realised, Barren -- this is GREAT P.R.! (inadvertently) Thanks!

(Mr. Right -- I am here....come and get me lol )

Get in line....

Oh geesh! I'm away for a couple of weeks and I'm gathering some relationships have gone Kapoots! Ok! Get in line! Come "talk" to mama!

~Seraffa,

I quite agree with your post, as well as your comments about Barren.....Iin my short time on CS, I have enjoyed his --- & several others posts immensely, as they are deep & thought provoking, a true change from the shallow & superficial world --- as evidenced by the dating event I attended in Wash. DC several weeks ago ---- the "4 minute" date.....sorta like romantic musical chairs, with a 4 minute dialogue....I came away from that experience emotionally drained & bored, & had maybe 1 decent exchange over a 2 hour period (which was usually 3.5 minutes of talking by 1 party).....

....it seems as though we live in an emotional "zero-sum" world, where everyones gain is at the expense of ones loss ---- or usually, elements of imposed malicious emotional dehumanization....it seems as though the human interaction you describe & accurately portray must take place "at arms length", whereas it becomes a mere emotional transaction, rather than exchange of humility, vulnerability & spiritual intimacy, the essence of the human condition, from my perspective.....

Nice job --- I can totally relate.....thanks for the thought.

T

Drive through mentality at its' worst.

very nice...I can relate well with this post. I think(for me anyways) its a combination of a bunch of little things. Yeah i present myself as being available but at the same time I'm not. Things sometimes come at you without you noticing and you have to take a step back sometimes and see where you wanna go with what was brought forth to you. It's not that I'm intentionally wanting to hurt someone but you can't expect someone to be ready for a curve ball when their playing something a lil different(for the sake of this metaphor-soccer); it's like getting new legs, but having to work it out before actual use...

..Don't get me wrong, It would be a GREAT thing if there was someone to help me write my "story" with, but there is really too much going on to make them endure my problems. It would break my heart to see them suffer because of me and what I'm going through. I would rather them forget about me than for them to hurt and worry for me(It's a guy thing). I dont wanna fall for someone to later get a heart broken because I wasn't becoming who we both wanted me to be fast enough!(knowing me i would take most of the blame when the relationship ended) that would annoy me!...

...to get to my point. Its absolutely has nothing to do with communication sometimes, If I really want something i wanna make sure i get it right the first then to lose it forever!(which might happen regardless but still)...But if i had to choose from the choices given it would be...
-nearness to Love terrifies them
-Need some time!

...what do you think barren?(anybody for that matter)

...hope someone else caught that

Sorry people personal crisis in a friend's life superceded my intentions of attempting to remain present in this thread's devlopment for the most part. But we have averted the crisis temporarily and I am now back to comment and prod...

Intentional false advertising is a tactic of those with hidden agendas for sure but what about those who were not intending such an event? Like things just got past the comfort zone and serious changes were looming on the horizon? Are they afraid of being set adrift from the isolated seclusion they have developed?
Do they feel unworthy of the reciprocation of what they were seeking? Why do they turn away just before it all could happen? Especially after they have put forth such intensive actions to allow this potential to come to fruition?