Seraffa: " A messy trail of carnage akin to spiritual serial killing. No crime as there is no body for forensics I suppose but the harm is clearly just a real."........
Barren, I've just read some of your poems and writings and followed you here to the forums. They are absolutely gorgeous. That sentence practically sums up all I feel which I have witnessed over the years with brushes I have had with these types of people.
It's almost as if these people argue "black is white" when you say "black is black". This one had such low self esteem that the ego was pumped up in a variety of ways that would render him "incapable" of "doing any harm to me"! Therefore, I was the one condemned, and he went scot-free, in his own opinion.
Both the relationship and friendship were trashed by him; he drove me away on the phone when he got home, then insisted days later on saying hi, as if the friendship were still there and I was at fault for not recognising his magnanimity after he had totally used me and insulted me. Nobody deserves these kinds of aquaintances who have such low self esteem that they self-detstruct all kinds of relationships the moment you say "I love you in so many ways."
One of the inherent difficulties I can see in regards to online dating or any sort of relationship effort in this digital medium is the propensity for introverts (not the natural sort but those by reaction that have been pressed into this segregational grouping), to reach outside of their field so to speak and attempt to entertain a portion of their existence which has never been groomed for public consumption.
Typically capable of presenting themselves in a fashion that is contrary to their ability to subsist in a public medium as they are intruth alone when the contact occurs. The difficulties may only become apparent once there is initial contact and the world and their desires no longer mess as they seek to return to their 'caves' with the trophy of their attention. It is natural for people to want to not be alone but difficult for those whose lives have always had more alone than together to commit to anything that will force them out into the life that most take for granted. CS like most dating resources online has it fair share of housebounds that for medical reasons or social ones cannot interact on any sort of regular basis with others never mind the opposite sex. Likewise it also has many who are just tired of the local scene and want to seek outside of their limiting environment. Often not a good combination especially when the cultural factors come into play and invade the mindset of isolationists who have little to no idea of how the world works elsewhere.
Of course the mentally wounded who abound behind masks they have carefully fostered will, if and when things fall apart resume their fantasy recreation of lives they have lived only in their minds to avoid the brutal truths of whom they have been and what they have not (rightfully or wrongfully). There is some expectation of beligerence and disassociation with their actions as in truth they carry the weight of multiple beings in life. Their online persona(s) and the life they have lived.
There are many good people here and it just becomes more and more difficult for them to bother reaching out after having so many virtual slaps in the face because they just believed once too many times. A crippling deficit that there is little recourse to move beyond but to blindly trust again and wait for signs of impending doom. And we all know how fantastic the lives of doomsayers are... Check the discarded "the world will end in..." signs. All we have are hope and faith but can they in this day and age lead us to Love? (assuming we already foster this in our own hearts?)
Thank you for the kind words that introduced your post, they are well received even if more than I deserve.
