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just thought i'd say hellooo

hi, morgan good to see ya

Yeah not to many guys complain about to much but always here women complining

The only bit I can relate to is being a mother.

If you have your children 50% of the time, then you should not have to pay child support.

So, tell your mother gently, that all is well, her grandchildren are taken care of and you and the children's mother have it all worked out.

And that it is not up for discussion.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, your mother sounds like some old ghosts could be haunting her there.

Tell her gently, calmly and firmly, and begin with 'Mum, I love you very much, but I am an adult and the situation is being handled and that you must not worry, I know you will be there if I need some advice, but for now all is well'

So, do not lie to her, she is being an over cautious mum, you are doing all the right things with supporting your children and I think you and your ex are doing a great job of dealing with this situation in a very good way.

thanks for the insite complaining was`nt what i wanted to here, a womans point of view was what i wanted to hear. i don`t know about any ghost

Can't relate to the child support situation since don't have no kids, but I can relate to the mum issue......

Unfortunately I had the same sort of situation with mine up to time she left us......there was always something wrong in the way I did things, so we always sort of ended up arguing when we met...

Over the years however I had found an excellent way to keep the peace......never lied.....but not telling the whole truth seemed to work....

so......

that's my cent's worth...

Well, it was a suggestion, I would have thought that if you and the ex were happy with the arrangements that you have made, then it is none of your mother's business.

I stay out of my children's business, they know I am there if they need me, but I do not stick my nose in.

I hope you work it out, but do not alienate your mum.

You sound like you love her very much, as you should.

Let her have say, then gently, but firnly tell her.

i knew there had to be somebody with a similar situation with there mom. i don`t want lie to my mom but not telling the whole truth i`ll have to give that a try

Tell your mom the same thing you'd tell your friends; "With all due respect, Mom, it's none of your business. They're being well taken care of and that's all that matters!"

Or... You could, just once, tell her a little white lie and say; "Well, Mom, since I won the lottery, my child support payments have gone up to sixty thousand dollars a week. Unfortunately, after taxes I can't afford to pay my phone bill and it's about to be disconn........"

Luck to you!

I have not been in such a situation but I'm convinced that lying won't really solve anything.

It may be that your mother just wants to see you are behaving in a way, and fulfilling your obligations, as best as possible because that's the way she PROUDLY raised you?

From what you say, you are doing your bit to the best of your ability. With that in mind, I can't see you have anything to reproach yourself about. Besides, its really between you and your ex and you don't mention that she has any problem with the arrangement?

It seems to me that your behaviour is so much more commendable than many others who shirk their responsibilities, so...

Well done to you!!

yeah i do love my mom very much even more so when my dad died last year she`s now the only parent i have left. i do agree with you that should say out of there grandkids situation between the parent and just be there for the kids especially if it being worked out between the parents.

You sound a nice man, loves his mum, supports his children, loves them.

You are going to be just fine.

ANd so will your mum.

thanks for the incite your right there are many that do shirk there responsibilitys both men and women for my kids thank god i`m not one of them i posted this thread because this has been ongoing between me and my mom. i`m the only one of her three kids that gave her a granddaughter the last time she seen her granddaughter she was one year old she is four years old now she has olny seen her once i want my daughter to know that she has two grandmothers but i fear that i will end up leaving like i did the last time she saw her granddaughter when the child supports issue comes up again

i hope i does i want my daughter to know she has two grandmothers

sorry ladie`s i`m gonna half to go with the kansan this one sounds like a winner

Dragon, I'm not in a situation such as yours, but the way I see it..... You would not be lying to your Mom. YOU ARE SUPPORTING your children. Maybe say that you and your ex agreed to split all costs 50/50 because that works best for both of you. Or, perhaps when she asks how much child support you are paying you might try a different approach, say something like...... the support changes depending on what the kids needs are. Like I said, I'm not in your situation, but I think it might satisfy her curiosity.

My Dad is all I have left, and he's not doing all that great at the moment. He usually, no not usually, always asks me, "what'd you pay for that"? everytime he sees I have something new. I just pick a figure that I think he thinks will be reasonable and he's happy and I'm happy. Sometimes a little white lie keeps the peace and it doesn't hurt anybody. Sometimes I just want to say, "what does it matter?", but he's my Dad and I respect him and love him very much. Like you said earlier; their actions and words come from their age. They came from a different era. In their minds, they still think of us as their little girls or boys, their children, even though we now have the role of their "parent" so to speak. One of the aids that's caring for my father in the hospital at the moment said something to me the other day that really made me think. "In life, you're an adult once and a baby twice".

I just had a thought, imagine that! Maybe the reason for her asking is because she is concerned that you're paying too much????

Hang in there! You're being the best son and father you can be. Which isn't always an easy job.

You and your Mom

Sommer, great advice. I agree...I would tell her that it's between you and their mother, and it's all worked out, and not up for further discussion with her. I have a mother like this, and I've found it's the best way to handle her.

Good luck, and congratulations to the two of you for being able to work out such an equitable situation for your family. I think that's awesome.

If a priest or other religious authority figure can't make you feel guilty then Moms can. (I say that because I'm a Mom).

Your Mom is likely wanting to make sure her grandchildren are being cared for properly and that the son she raised is doing the right thing, in her mind. The advice above is all good. Just tell her all is well without giving details. You also don't have to say MYOB in such a way that would cause her hurt. But it does cause you hurt as you are torn in knowing you are doing the right thing and not wanting to hurt your Mom. So be gentle and kind and just leave it simple. "Mom, they are being well cared for. So tell me how Aunt Louise is doing", (or someone else in the family) in order to change the subject.