do you like what you see? Do you love yourself enough to love you just the way you are?
I didn't for most of my life. It's hard to do that when you grow up with a mother who tells you that you'll never be worth anything. It's hard to do that with husbands who tell you that nothing you do is right, that you need to dress different, or act different, or lose weight...that you're just not good enough the way you are. Or with "friends" who tell you that you're too different, and you need to become more like them.
Despite not loving myself fully, I had enough respect for myself not to sink into certain depths. I've known for a long time that I have an inner core of strength that will not let me despair for long, or accept a negative view of myself as truth...for long. Thankfully, or my life would be vastly different. I've come close to becoming a prostitute because I didn't think I was worth more than that...but some part of me fought back and decided that yes, I was. I've come close to committing suicide a few times because I didn't think that I had anything to give, or that I could go on living such a miserable life.
With each time that I chose a better path, or chose to continue to live, I became a slightly stronger person...and started to realized that there were things that I did like about myself. With each obstacle I've overcome in life, I've learned that I am stronger, and I've appreciated my value as a human being. But even with that, I battled depression, alcohol, and drug use off and on.
Then, finally, I went through my husband's death from cancer, as his sole caretaker since he wouldn't let anyone else in. I had a lot of time to think, and reflect on what I really wanted to be when I grew up. (About time at 44.) I looked deep inside, and started a journey that I'll be on for the rest of my life. I had begun it a few years before but had gotten off-track as I went through some more stripping down of my life. This time, I stepped fully on it. I developed a new outlook on life, and new methods for dealing with the turmoil and tribulation that sometimes occurs in life. But, most importantly, I've learned to look in the mirror and like the person I see in it, just the way she is. Yes, I still make mistakes. Yes, I still have flaws. And yes, I'm still overweight. But, I'm making strides to change my lifestyle to be healthier, and going to school to be able to help others do the same. I've realized my true value as a human being, instead of just seeing my flaws.
But I've been thinking today...how do others see themselves? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see there? Have you learned your true value yet? I see so many wonderful people on here that I'm so honored to consider friends, and they don't seem to see their value. I wrote this to try to help others to reflect on this, and see if they can find a way to love themselves if they don't already. (I didn't expect to write a book when I started, though...sorry about the length, guys.
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