Connecting Singles^® Arizona Forums

I know there have been other versions of this floating out there for a long time. This is my spin on it.

Imagine the following script being read in the MovieFone Guy's Voice...

Greeting: Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

Please listen to all options before making your selection as they may have changed.

* If you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder, we have intentionally included your option 1st. Press 1.

* If you suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder please press 2 repeatedly. No wait, that didn't feel right, press it again, no again. OK...there we go.

* If you suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder please press 3, 4 or 5. Note, if you have more than 3 personalities, we are unable to help at this time. Please have one of you call back at a later time.

* If you suffer from Tourette Syndrome, please scream a few profanities into the phone and our speech recognition software will direct you appropriately.

* If you suffer from Kleptomania, do not steal any of our buttons.

* If you suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia, please hang up now, we know who you are and where you live, and we'll be there shortly.

* If you suffer from Bipolar Disorder, please press 6 for High and 7 for Low.

* If you suffer from Narcolepsy, you have probably already fallen asleep and your phone will start beeping after a while.

* If you suffer from Nymphomania, please stop doing that with the phone. At least if it is a public phone.

* If you suffer from Anger Management issues, throw the phone against the nearest wall, and it just might press the right buttons to get you to a specialist.

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.

I hope I did not offend anyone who might actually suffer from any of these conditions. It was purely in fun, and a joke.