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Wow, What a #%$&%^ of a woman. I don't understand people like that. They are in their own selfish world.
I guess I would have said. "Gee, I think he took it with him and you'll have to go get it out of the coffin yourself." Hopefully an absurd statement like this would make her stop and think of what she just said. And maybe make her a bit shame-faced?

Sorry you had to experience something so heartless.

And there is NO etiquette to something like this.

Thanks...I thought I was going crazy or something.

If your going crazy we all are like stated by yaoigirl, there is no "written" ettiquette on this. I have never been to a "funeral" where someone has inquired about an item. However, I do recall a funeral of a relative when I was a teen where the entire family gathered at the house afterwords and without even inquiring about items with anyone in the "immediate" family started grabbing items they knew they wanted or deserved.
I guess I would have told this ex politely to leave and if she didn't I would have asked someone from the church/funeral home to escort her off the property or to talk to her.
everyone grieves differently and I guess some of us don't see what jerks we are being.