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last year I got to spend my spring summer and fall with the most wonderful woman I have ever met. I fell madly in love with her. I was so close to her that I would have died for her. all spring summer and early fall things were grate. there was one large problem she was married. she said that she loved me and only me and i fell hed over heals for her. in late fall when she finally decided to devorce her husband I had never felt as close to someone as her. I got a call from her and she told me that she just couldent give up her life with him. me being the understanding perosn that I am said "its ok baby I under stand, I only want you to be happy"
for 2 weeks we never spoke a word to each other and never saw her. at the end of the 2 weeks she came back to me. she told me that all she could do was think about me. how much she had fell in love with me. she told her husband and they signd the pappers. they were legaly seperated and things were grate. we went out with out fear of beeing seen and had a blast. she came over and stayed the night with me at the begining of Nov. she got a call from her son who had broken down. she went and gave him a ride to work and called me and told me she needed to get some things from her old house and pick up some home work. I dident hear from her untill that night. she called me and was as calm and cool as I had ever herd her befor. she told me that she never wanted to see me talk to me or be with me agin. she never loved me and all I was a summer fuck. she said her husband had called and said he could forgive her for cheeting on him. and she said that she could never see her self being with me. and that she never truly loved me. this killed me. it has been over 3 months and i havent seen ,talkd too, or even know how she is doing.

I loved her with all my heart. I had never felt such a connection with some one as her. I still cair about her alot. but she chose to be unhappy with her husband than devorice him and and be with some one that treated her like gold. I will all ways have a place for her in my heart. To this day i dont know the real reson that she gave me up and dont cair I hope she is happy for the rest of her life. as for me Im slowly picking up the peces and trying to move on but when you love some one that much its hard too give them up.

Bassmaster, you obviously loved this woman. when it came to an abrupt halt, agony became your domain. I suppose that many of us (especially when we were young) dallied with the affections of a married or a taken person. we knew better, but the carrot offered of love, sex, or whatever, was too great a temptation to refuse. one usually needs but one experience of this sort to arrive at a proper, stalwart, disposition. that those folks belonging to another are off limits. period. nothing good or lasting will usually come out of it. only misery. besides, it could get you shot.

and the hole in your heart can only be filled by opening it further still.

a few years ago i was the lucky beloved. we met online, despite some distance issues we visted eachother often. we spoke nightly on the phone for hours about nothing and everything. he fully understood me, appreciated me, respected and honored me. his family embraced me and thanked me for bringing his smile back. it was the best of times with the best of men.

in one of our last conversations he thanked me for having made the past year a 10. we looked forward to july when he would retire and we would be together. on June 23d he was found dead of a massive coronary, laying on his couch his dog and guitar by his side. a band mate found him the next evening and his position was so natural it was assumed he was asleep.

i know he hated hospitals, was never ill, and would have loved the speedy uncomplicated way his life ended.

his daughter called me rightaway, bless her in all her pain. the funeral was the best i'd ever attended. the music was all originals my jim had written and recorded. in repose he still made me smile, we had talked about how stupid it was to put suits and glasses on dead people. his glasses were in the pocket of his flannel shirt. they laid him beside the son he'd lost in a car wreck and i thought it was sweet to have them side by side at least in this plane.

i do mourn jim and he will always be in my heart but he taught me things. that there are people so wonderful you must risk the pain of loss to share the joy. that i am worthy and will find this kind of happiness again if i can be brave. and that it is worth it. it's all worth it.

ter