Little Johnny's at it again.....

Ireland Forums » Jokes & Humor » Little Johnny's at it again.....
THREAD AUTHOR
Nuliiiiiii Dublin, Dublin Ireland
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying: 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, l ittle Johnny ?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mummy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up already?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

The teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in maths class.
She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 3 and 6 and 174 and 601?'
Little Johnny quickly replied: 'ITV, Sky One, Five USA and the Cartoon Network!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.'
Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Postman wants to buy Mum.'

* * * * * * * * * * *
irish1978eyes Meath, Meath Ireland
Brilliantrolling on the floor laughing wave



little_miss Offaly, Offaly Ireland
oh dear i think little johnny is in my class wow
Nuliiiiiii Dublin, Dublin Ireland
hehehehe .. Hope u ok Lil Miss thumbs up
little_miss: oh dear i think little johnny is in my class
kazz30 dublin, Dublin Ireland
rolling on the floor laughing laugh they brill lol
best one i have seen in a long time rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing ur great x



EasyNowTiger Dublin, Dublin Ireland
Teacher asks the class to give her a sentance with the word contagious in it. Mary says, "my brother got the measles and then I caught it because it was contagious". Timmy says, "we all have to get the swine flu vaccination because it is contagious". "Miss, Miss, I have one" says little Johnny. Reluctantly, the teacher asks him. "Well", replies Johnny, "Me Ma asked me Da to cut the grass and she said that it took the contagious!"

Teacher asks the class if anyone can tell her the meaning of the word indifferent. Up shoots Johnny's hand. "Miss, Miss, it means lovely". "No it doesn't Johnny", replies the teacher. "It does, it does", replies Johnny. "Last night my sister was in her room with her boyfriend and I heard her say, "Oh, that's lovely", and he said "Yeah, it's indifferent!"



EasyNowTiger Dublin, Dublin Ireland
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."



EasyNowTiger Dublin, Dublin Ireland
And my favourite -

Teacher asks the class to give her a sentence with the word lovely in it twice. Mary says, "I have a lovely puppy and I like bringing him for lovely long walks. "Very good Mary". Next Timmy says, "I have a lovely coat and it has lovely silver buttons on it." "Miss, Miss" says Johnny. "My sister came home last night and said that she was pregnant and me Da says, "Well that's lovely, f*%kin lovely"




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