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Just wondered what people thought of the communication issues posed by e-mailing. Because you can't immediately gauge a person's reaction to something you say, as you would in the "real" world, on a visual level, it seems difficult to know if you've said the right or wrong thing. Obviously, part of the appeal of this system is that it provides a buffer zone, a kind of safety net--oh, that's clever (safety Net, geddit? Must remember that)--which is cool.
However, it does appear to create certain pitfalls. For example, if you say something that you think is funny, the other person might just think you're an idiot. In short, it's not always easy to put your true personality across without a visual reference to guide you, and to prevent you from putting the old foot in your mouth.
That might explain why it takes a long time for people to make a close connection on this site. There seems to be a knack to it, and it takes a while to learn it. Any thoughts?

The problem i tend to find in regards to the term ' safety net' is that alot of the people i have befriended off the internet have been completely different in person which has been pretty off putting, i don't understand why people can't just be themselves, if you're not then it only leads to disappointment

I agree it's difficult to judge what people mean when you only have the written word.
We communicate in life using gesture, body language, intonation etc and all of this is taken away when e-mailing.
So we build up a picture of the person, we fill in the gaps. A bit like reading a book and then you see the film and the characters are nothing like you imagined.

So there are no answers. Use this as a place to meet but just becasue you 'get on' via e-mail does not necessarily mean you'll hit if off if you meet.

Good way of meeting poeple though.

spot on there Perfect

Nice to get a reply to my first thread, so thanks for that. I was starting to think I'd said something weird.

well it seems there are a high majority of viewers just not enough people bother to respond...but i think you had a valid point so good for you

well, just thought I'd try and inject some intelligent comments. The internet date scene, I gather, can be very frustrating for people.

The ones I've met in real life from online always make out they have a sense of humour online and that they're fairly normal then in real life they have no humour, depression and one was even a psycho. Plus, there's a lot of fakes online, compulsive liars etc so they'll tell packs of lies online then when you meet them you catch them out.

Unfortunately I agree with you Zellarone.
The internet is a breeding ground for idiots, perverts, liars etc.
However there are some really nice people out there.
That goes for life as well though and we're back to body language etc again.
A friend of mine thinks i'm mad for using the internet and says it's full of perverts. He says that people can hide behind an e-mail.
So we're out on Wednesday night and I was approached by a guy who was obviously weird so I duly scurried away. My mate promptly pointed out that on the net I wouldn't have had all those extra clues. (I wont go into detail, it wasn't pretty)

My point is (and I'm making this very laboured) that we need to take our time on here and unfortunately we are more susceptable to the idiots out there.

You're right about the body language etc. We get a good idea if someones weird or not if we meet them in real life. I mean even workmates, we get on with some better than others and yes some nice people do use the net. Most of my real life mates use online chat rooms or sites liek this and they're nice people. Just so hard to know whos genuinely nice and who's not, can't always go by time either as some can go on lying for months.

It's interesting, I think, how the internet dating scene has now become an acceptable part of our social interaction, whereas a few years ago, it probably wasn't the kind of thing most people would admit to being involved with.

Whether it be on line or in the super market,there are good and bad everywhere,you just have to be careful and wise.

i agree with that Spartan. I would never have considered joining an internet dating site a few years ago. In fact I had my reservations when I signed up recently but the more people i speak to the more i find are on these sights.

its hard to read tone of voice when chatting but in a lot of ways i think ur odds are the same as in real life. obviously chatting systems like msn are better than email for instant communicating but if u get a charmer in real life who spins such a good web that it takes u months to figure out he is married whats the difference between that and other scenarios like he is a closet psychopath and liars liars on the internet. having body language clues is only a bonus if u know how to read them well. i think its a chemistry thing and that can only be sussed in person. the internet should be viewed as the vehicle ot introduce u to new people, the rest u do in person.

"Communication Breakdown" Great track! Led Zep1
I think it's easier to talk face to face than on the net!
Body language is a huge miss!

they (whoever "they" are) say that only 25% of communication is verbal. the rest is body lanaguage, tone of voice, etc. so i do agree that getting to know someone via email is not the same as getting to know someone in real life.
some people use the internet to hide behind. and there are others that use the internet because it is something that liberates them. shy people, those with low self esteem, those that arn't very socially adept would find internet dating a great help, as speaking to someone via email or webcam can be a great ice breaker and ease them into the cut throat (sometimes!) world of dating as easily as possible!

if you have come to know someone for a long time via email and eventually meet, the fact that you have probably shared all about your life with each other, can put a huge strain on the relationship. its like starting off 6 months into a relationship, but in reality it is just your first date.

i have not met anyone from a dating site before, although i have met friends from the internet. a few years ago i met a man with whome i'd been speaking to for a couple of years, we went to a festival and had the best time ever! we are in contact now still. i've also met some ladies from a parenting website in real life too, and we all got on really well, didnt scratch each others eyes out and we are meeting again in the summer!

so i dont know what i have concluded with this reply, but there are my thoughts anyway!

Trust you to come up with a song for it

What about, if you are thinking of meeting and have these fears, if you are so far along, surely voice/video chats on something like msn could help you to decide beforehand - and save a lot of trouble in the long run - just my twopennorth

Yes, you are quite right, my friend. When you are new to the site and, particularly the Forums, it can be difficult. But much will be open to interpretation and often the incorrect interpretation. It helps to use the emoticons (such as with wit or tongue-in-cheek comments) for others to get a better understanding of what exactly you mean. Some of it will only come with time and others getting to know you better and vice versa, but posting more will be a great help in that.

I wish you luck, Spartan - keep posting, yeah??
Good to see ya and some good questions/points there!

Your only peeved cos i beat you to it !