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no i cant see it either

More porridge. Anyway. im dustin me self down. i never got my deposit back of the Scotch woman.

So i cant go home to LIVERPOOL ////
So be it of to The valleys.

kk see you there

Having said farewell to Scotland.// thrown out . i set course for a very remote island of the coast of wales..
As i sailed in on my blow up dingy i saw from a distance Fishermen . .. They were chanting Where is he from . where is he from.

I knew then there cwoud.nt be a welcome in the Valleys for me.
. As i got closer . i saw one fisher man covered in Barnacles. I said ive just sailed down from Scotland.
He grimaced saying. You cant fool me your from Liverpool.
I did.nt argue. e was build like a brick S/H

I just said i need refuge until i could get back to Liverpool.
And asked for a good lodgings.

he then smiled. And a few barnacle fell from his beard
Ah Ah he replied..
Try FAT BETHA.S place..
He pointed in the direction of open mine pit.
But not having a lot of money. i took him up on his advise And wondered up the road to the open mine PIT..
It was a funny old house As i knocked on the door. FAT BERTHA appeared. in a low cut dress.
She explained that she had just run it up on her sewing macjhine.

Jus just laughed and said Coal bags can come in Handy..
I explained to her about my ordeal in Scotland. OH you poor man you

Would you like some leek soup. i said i hated Leek soup. She replied by saying
We all love it here.
. . But for you ill make you some PORRIDGE.
out of the pan into the fire

You're on a roll again Don

AS i sat eating the porridge again. She said are you on the Internet. I said YES.. Then out of the blue she said are you on C/S.

i said yes again.
Yes i thought id seen you on that site.
. . She explained to me that. she had been looking for a nice man on C/S
i remarked by saying. ITS A SMALL WORLD. but i would.nt like to paint it.
She giggled the laugh got louder as the coaln dust fell from the ceiling.
. I explained to her i only got a pension. She mutterd to herself. that wont last long here.

Do you have any money in the bank deary..
in a welsh accent.
She explained to me that her 5th husband had died. whilst they wertre making LOVE.
I was thinking in overdrive now..
Was she a femme fatale??? . was i a fly on a spiders web??


i thought i must be careful here.
As i would never see liverpool again . She poured me another cup of leek tea.
It tasted funny. but i never gave it much attention.

SUDDENLY she shout I KNOW YOU Your that INTERFLITE .


i stammered out that i was indeed.

I sat there. listening to Berthja telling me things women tell you.



As we sat together. i remembered what the old fisher man had told me.. Watch old bertha. She may interfere with you


The leek tea was going to my head by now. She said would you like a lEEK BEER. . i said that would be nice as her hands wondered to my knee again.
Was this the WELSH RARE BIT id heared talked about in LIVERPOOL. She said we could go for a nice drive.. Till itold her i only had a blow up Dingy.


Very nice she replied. we.ll go for a nice sail around the bay then.


She was.nt a small woman. and the dingy just about took my slim size..
I explained to her that. it may be to small. for the both of us to sail in.
. She laugh again once again i was covered in Coal Dust

I usually like BIG things she said .
But small is ok . as long as you know how to use it


where had i heard that expression before??

I dunno But I bet there's a story in there somewhere

As we sat closer togethe. r. she said life had been lonely for her living in her house made from coal dust.
. Suddenly she broke down crying shouting . I NEED a man I need a

Man. i thought to myself should i leave. and face a lonely nite on the sea.
... I tried to calm her down by offering here a LEEK LAGER. She refused and said she had saved a bottle of LEEK BRANDY for a occasion like this.
..... by this time i was shaking. i was thinking had my fate been sealed. never to see liverpool. again.
. She remarked by saying. . are you looking for a woman. I replied by saying in a stutter YES.
. OH she replied you will bemy 6th husband. . with that she got on one knee . . the good one. and toasted our wedding with another bottle opf LEEK charDONay..
. would this woman stop my philandering??

two more brandies and the saga continues.
BERTHA was a overwhelming woman. That nite.
Her demands i could>nt keep up to. She said to me
Will you be transfering your pensin to Wales Boy o. I said. YES my love.


But i dawn broke i made a sharp exit. leaving BERTHA screaming for MORE.
I knew then . that i should.nt of left Scotland. And i should be back in LIverpool.
But undaunted i found a working mans club in the valleys


Come in a man said. you must quench your thirst here. . What woud you like the man asked
a leek lager. with ice.
he retorted by saying we all drink the HARD stuff here Boy o. I asked what they drank then. he replied by saying. Its a drink passed down from one generation to the next.



i sa there as the go go dancer. started to dance around a pole in the middle of the room.



by this time the men where shouting .
GET EM OFF.

As i watch her perform my drink came.
It was a mixture of absinthe. leek lager. and a welsh daffodil peeking out at the top


Get it Down yer Shouted a Welsh man. Id never seen a glass so big

. after a few sips my mind . blanked out. was this the welsh custom id heared about.

As i awoke the following morning . BERTHA > stared at me.



And where have YOU been all nite long//

Inter Bach -
You were lucky you were down in the vaaaalleys, isn't it :-)

True story

I grew up, went to school and even served in the mob with some of the Kent Miners kids who were Welsh. I still see some and their parents who are still living, having worked in Betteshanger, Tilamanstone and Snowdown colliery, all of whom had good rugby clubs, bands and choirsand although all the pits are shut due to Tory politics and deliberate sabotage, they at least, still exsist, partly due to help from the Marines who were at Deal, also now shut to the detriment of the Town of Deal and local ( East Kent ) intelligent people's support.

I went away to North Wales for a short holiday with my parents when I was about 12 and was glad to get back to Ramsgate where we lived then, because of the general nastiness we experienced from the Nortjh Welsh people - and that was in 1949 !!

When I told Glyn & Gary, my two best mates and his Ma Gwen, what we encounterd, Gary's Ma said - Mike Boyo *We don' go much on them up North an in the Middle** and *All the best Rugby clubs, bands and choirs are down South.

Suddenly Gary's dad, Joe, chipped in with *and they only av Sheep an Goats to S--- too and whats worse, they 'ave no sense of 'umour either* - to which Gary's Ma yelled back instantly -

*Joe shut up with that stuff and Bugger off down the bloody pub* -
It was about a quarter of a mile to the bottom of the road.

She was a lovely woman - 5ft x 5ft with a super smile and a voice like a high pitch fog horn, such that you could hear her shout *Gaaaareee* when she called us, from half a mile away and she was not using a loud hailer :-)

As for me - I know exactly what Gwen & Joe meant now, having had experience of the Northern and Midl Welsh when I was in the RAF doing training in the Welsh mountains and since then, having met some sad sods from the same places at Meccano exhibitions since 1992 !!

I love the South Welsh people in general and there is an RAF Fighter Command Band/Central Band joke about the Welsh Guards that you might find amusing, which begins with the question -

Why are the Welsh Guards Band considering wearing kilts ?

Cheers from Me in Wet and cold Broadstairs, Kent
- Cos its the nearest thing that looks like an RAF shite hawk

cheers mike.
yes my stupid banter. boy o.
Yes i know and understand what you ,Mean.

The welsh language. i predominant in North wales.

And many times ive heard the welsh language.
Not undersrtanding a word ive had to break into German.

In turn they dont understand me then.

Not even a trace of a Scouise accent.

hence the saying If you can.t beat them Join em

take care. inter.

[quote=interflite]cheers mike.
yes my stupid banter. boy o.
Yes i know and understand what you ,Mean.


Hello Don

Thanks for replying
I thought someone MIGHT have asked - WHY - about the Welsh Guards band - even from someone in North Wales

Unless of course - the Northern lot already know and heard Anne Robinson's pi%% takin :-) :-)

Cheers
Mike