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uptall: thanks i did..... i just had to let her go i could not do anymore for her and my life was hell.... it's a shame.... but i still get the calls late at night tho..... it's sad... but what can you do when you have done all you can.... and for a very-very long time it's so sad for them............... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mychelle: Heres....what...I..do...know.Some....alcoholics...drink....because...whats..in...the...bottle...is.
like....fire...in...their...soul....Some...feel...like...nobody...until...they...breathe
...in...this...fire...It...has...to..do..with...a..lack...of...self..esteem
...lack...of...self...worth...
This...person...you...speak...of...may...have...love...you,..
but..is..lost...and...need...to...find.her...way...back...
Thus...a..long..term....regular/..meeting...with...AA
(Alcoholic.Anonymous),and....some...treatment...in..Rehab.
You....are...considered...to..be..a...co..dependent...when...you...aid...her...in.
..getting...these...drinks...i.e...measuring...and..pouring....However....you.
.couldnot..have...known...this..because...you.thought...you..were...helping..
in..a...good...kind...manner,...because...of...your..
..caring..and..kind...nature.
If...at...any...time...you...need...to...vent...drop...me..a...line..

mychelle: uptail....There...is....a...song...with...words...I...just...called...to...say...I...love...you
from...the...bottom...of...my...heart
We...can;t....say....for....surety...why...someone....calls...you...and..
say...nothing....but...silence...sometimes...is...a...cry...for....help

uglysister: why are you writing like that??
have you been drinking alcohol??

uptall: not me..........................................

uglysister: i didnt say you..............im just curious as to why Mychelle is writing her posts like that??

uptall: well that's ok ......as i don't drink.................

uglysister: im afraid i dont agree that its a shame.........its a shame for the people round about them who have to deal with the drunken behaviour and lying on a daily basis. there is plenty of help out there for alcoholics and why dont they take the help?.............because they are selfish and can only think of themselves and where the next bottle is coming from.

jojo69: Sure there is plenty of help out there........................ But till they realize they have a problem, they won't think they need help!!

I have an alcoholic mother..... She too made mine and my siblings life such a horendous ordeal! I always stuck by her, through her drinking and her lies of astronomical depths!!! But,,,,, When one night she phoned me.. Drunk,,, and used my kids in her lies.......I knew time had come to cut her out of my life...... I love her, but did not want her to screw up my kids heads the way she has mine!!!

She made contact recently, but she is still the same..................

I have this aching in my heart for my mom........... I try to tell myself ...Jeez woman, get a grip, you are nearly 40, why still crave for a mothers love?

uglysister: i totally agree with that and there was no way i would have let my mother mess with my kids heads the way she had mine.
i think you go back to being that little girl and still crave the love you should have had then

when i think of the relationships some of my friends have with thier mums it does make me think ive missed out and would love to have that but after all the years of hurt and pain i know its never going to happen. doesnt stop you wanting it though

jojo69: Too True! In fact..... I am the mother I am now, cos of her..... She taught me how NOT to be a mom!!!!

uglysister: yes how very true.............and i think i taught her how to be a gran as she had no idea of how to be a mother.

i also think it makes us stronger and less capable of taking bull for our children but not neccessarily the same for ourselves.

jojo69: I truly hope one day, before it's too late, I can have with my mom what you now have with your's.

"Taking bull for our children" Because of what she put us through and made to go through at hands of one of her Bros' I have not and will not trust my kids to anyone, bar my sis! (Ok I am going to shut up now, as am giving too much of myself away!!!!!) Barrier back up!! LOL

uglysister: i can totally identify with everything you are saying............so over protective of my boys. i dont really have too much of a relationship with my mum but my boys do which im very happy about for them.

but i truly think if it wasnt for the boys i would have nothing to do with her at all.and yes i know all about those barriers too!!

jojo69: We sound two of a kind bab?? LOLWe so don't want our past to relive it's self and feck up our kids heads.... But by same token, by being so over protective, do you think we are fecking with thier heads in a different way??? This is just ONE of the Q's I ask myself daily!! LOL

uglysister: i didnt say you..............im just curious as to why Mychelle is writing her posts like that??

uglysister: why are you writing like that??
have you been drinking alcohol??

uglysister: i can totally identify with everything you are saying............so over protective of my boys. i dont really have too much of a relationship with my mum but my boys do which im very happy about for them.

but i truly think if it wasnt for the boys i would have nothing to do with her at all.and yes i know all about those barriers too!!

mike1937: I think you are right and not being over protective - It's right to let them have contact as often as they wish if its acceptable to you - but I hope you will watch out for the signs that they might be *persuaded* to go her way.

That happened to a younger work colleague some years ago where he had a similar problem and caught the kids drinking one day when he went around to his mothers while they were there as he had becoime suspicious. - He asked me to go along as a silent independent witness so I did as there were alreedy legal implications involved and the kids new me but not too closely.

It was difficult after that but fortunately the kids were brought up sufficiently mature to see alcoholism as abnormal conduct.