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My dear Anglophile.
As old Bitterman,your Father in Law,reaches his 80th birthday this month,i have decided to reward him for his service to me, of 30 years,by putting him 'out to grass',keeping my antique car collection in tip top condition.
As your enthusiasm for cars,and your supreme driving expertise is legendary,i naturally wondered if you would be interested in replacing old Bitterman,and become my new chauffeuse?.

You would be joining my employ at a propitious time,as i am reducing my employees working hours,from 100,to 90 hours per week,in lieu of a pay rise.
I will speak to my valet,about your livery,for you.

Of course,i would expect you to act as my 'personal assistant',on my business trips,and aboard my yacht,based at Monaco.

Admittedly,your accommodations above the garage are a trifle cold,damp,and draughty.
But,fortunately,your duties and services to me,will preclude your spending much time there.

If you can give me an undertaking to place yourself in my service,i will give some thought to reducing your Father in Law's working hours,from 90,to 80 hours per week.

After all,he IS getting on a bit,you know!

P.S. Can you fly a helicopter?

You are really funny

Mr. Muleguy,

Thank you for the job offer. The salary for my services would be 2.5Million per year plus medical and dental with a 10% raise ever year and all holidays off.

For clarification, Bitterman is no longer my father in law. I am divorced.

Cheers,
Anglophile

P.S. Yes, I can flying a helicopter but not an airplane.

Muleguy Enterprises thanks you for your interest in their proposed employment opportunity,and takes pleasure in accepting your terms.

I had to go against the advice of my Board of Directors,who were of the opinion that your remuneration package demands were excessive. But,as i explained to them,these days,you have to pay top money,to attract the best talent.

Your obedient servant,Muleguy.

Chairman.Muleguy Enterprises.PLC.

Sir

I have read your recent proposals with great interest and would like to place the following offer on the negotiation table.

I will have corrective surgery, to resemble your ideal female (your cost)

I will accept £1.5 million per annum and a 5 % annual rise

I can fly an helicopter and an aeroplane


I await your response with baited breath and a heaving (virtual) chest

Kevina

Having a sex change operation for a job.

Wow! Now that's impressive. That's something you can respect. A man that will do anything for a job.

Hats off to your Sir.

I'm can be a bit slutty a times and if the price is right..well hello i'm Johnny Cash...

anglophile wrote:
Having sex for a job. (This is an altered quote, btw. I didn't say that)
Wow!. That's something you can respect. A man that will do anything for a job.

Hats off to your Sir.




Having sex as your occupation and getting paid for your work, Um In American they call that prostitution.

Yes, I believe slut can be used as a synonym. But, I believe a prostitute gets paid for what a slut does for free, is my understanding of the word.

Phoenix, You little devil you.

It's the credit crunch, have to get my money somehow...I know it's a dirty job but someone gotta do it..and I'll make athe sacrifice...

anglophile wrote:

Hats off to your Sir.

Having sex as your occupation and getting paid for your work, Um

Phoenix, You little devil you. Again, another altered quote






I think you missed your calling as an editor for the tabloids. Technically, those are my words but I didn't say them that way.



Again, I must admit YOU'RE BRILLIANT!!!!!

Dear Kevina.
It was with the greatest possible interest,that i read your application to procure employment with Muleguy Enterprises PLC.
And of the lengths that you were prepared to go,to secure this extremely attractive position.
However,i have already filled this vacancy with my "ideal female".
And so i must regretfully inform you,that your application has been unsuccessful,on this occasion.
Muleguy.
Chairman. Muleguy Enterprises.PLC.

Muleguy Eterprises P.L.C.

Attn Chairman Mr Muleguy

Ref : Rejection of recent job application


Dear Mr Muleguy










Bugger







Yours sincerely

Kevina

Dear Mr Muleguy,

That is good news indeed. I look forward to working closely with you. With my talents, I know we could accomplish great things.

Sincerely,
Anglophile

RE-: Your upcoming employment,with Muleguy Enterprises P.L.C.

My Dear Anglophile,
to celebrate your recent sagacious decision to serve me,as my new P.A.,i have decided to reward your loyalty,with an early bonus,which i am sure you will be more than delighted with,and that can surely only meet with your unreserved approval.

I refer to Kevina,who had the astonishing temerity to make a dastardly attempt,to usurp the prized appointment,that he was fully aware that i had already promised,to you.

Now,it will be my undertaking to deliver Kevina to you,and your tender mercies.
Such was Kevina's inconsolable disappointment,at being rejected by Muleguy Enterprises P.L.C.,that he is certain to accept the specially created position that i have invented for him,that of Galley Slave,or as he will know it,Amenities Facilitator,on board M.V. Muleguy 1st.
But,to all intents and purposes,Kevina will be your personal servant,and general gopher.

At Kevina's Medical Examination,i will have a hypnotist disguised as a doctor. At the end of Kevina's Med Exam,he will be programmed to serve you,with utter,and total obedience.
In addition,Kevina will undergo any surgical 'improvements',that you may decree. (He was not averse to this,when he still had a choice,about it.)

Due to Kevina's hypnosis treatment,it will seem to him the most natural thing in the world,that he exists to serve and obey you,and will yearn for your next command.
I will supply Kevina with a mobile phone,for your convenience. So that it will always be an easy matter to summon Kevina,to do your bidding.
Kevina's mobile number will be: 247365.

I readily concur,with your own sentiments,my dear Anglophile,that this is the begining of a beautiful relationship.
Your air tickets are in the post,and i look forward to welcoming you aboard M.V. Muleguy 1st,at Monaco,where you will enjoy a 2 week,all expenses paid holiday,courtesy of Muleguy Enterprises P.L.C.,while we await the arrival,of your 'little friend',Kevina.

Until then,i am your obedient servant.
Muleguy.
Chairman. Muleguy Enterprises. P.L.C.

Dear Mr. Muleguy,

I gladly accept your offer for Kevint (aka:Kevina) to be my personal assistant. I don't think hypnosis is necessary or surgical "improvements". I have full confidence that Kevint is a man of honor and integrity who will demonstrate his dedication to quality to each project he completes. I plan to fully utilize his talents so that I will be available to attend to your needs. Between the two of us, you will have a team giving 200% in the job.

I am looking forward to my new position. I will keep an eye out for the post.

Sincerely,
Anglophile

Dear Anglophile

Listen, I have just read Mr Mulesguy letter to you and have realised he has made an enormous mistake, did you spot it?? I mean it just so obvious it just hits you straight between the eyes.

No……….. well its this………..



He fails to realise that I might quite like the idea of being your “Slave” for you to use and abuse hehehehe.
So I have this plan, You fly over as arranged and do all the flirty bit with Mulishy, get him to really like you, nudge nudge wink wink. Then before I arrive, you have a private word with the “Doctor”and arrange a small cash backhander and get him to pretend to hypnotise me, we then kidnap Mulehead, and get the “Doc” to do his work on him, then Muly can become Master Bates our Cabin boy, we get him to sign over all his goods and chattels with all his cash and live the life of luxury for ever .

Look its foolproof, no-one needs to find out, and if anyone come looking for Muleface then we just tidy him up and reprogram him to say push off. It’s a done deal Anglo.
So are you in?? its all up to you, but just think, 2.5 million or half the whole sherbang
Luxury boat in Monaco and your very own slave or cabin boy as playthings.

Trusting you’ll keep mum about this

Kevina

im the proud mammy of a disabled child...my million would go to giving kids like mine holidays all the equpiment that speical needs schools need and it still wouldnt be enough.....

and id give all respite carers who have kids like mine a holiday coz without them id not have time off and a chance to be grown up for a nite or 2!!!!!

Dear Kevina,

The above falls under the category of "Greed" to which I do not qualify. Nothing is ever fool proof and though we might get away with it for a while, life has a way of correcting mistakes. As they say, Crime doesn't pay but you will pay for your crimes.

I hope my assessment of your integrity was not wrong. I guess we shall see.

Sincerely,
Anglophile

Sniff sniff......whats that smell???

Can't help but feel I'm being baited

As for what I would do with a million notes.. I'd buy a house and probably spunk the rest away on fast cars and slightly faster women... I'd buy a Snooker hall as well.