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OK here's another

An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!'

She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'

OK - Last two in this series

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!'

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Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'Whats his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London!'

More will come when I get em organised

UPDATE 1

Paddy the Kerryman died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Seamus and Seanin (Also Kerrymen), were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet and said - "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Seanin in to identify the body. Seanin took a look at him and said, "Yup he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Seanin looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Seanin said, "Well, Paddy had two assholes."

"What, he had two assholes?" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes 'cuz every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two assholes...."

UPDATE 2

An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. - Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What’s this?" the boss asks?
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward, points to the marks at the base of each tree and says,

"A little dog come along and crap by each tree.- So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when do I start?"

The jokes are very old and boring, Im sorry to say

Have to disagree..I find them funny. Then again I have a sense of humour..

A woman is out riding one day when she falls off her horse and shoots straight through a hedge, where her jeans and sweater are torn off. She is lying naked and unconscious in the field when Father Murphy comes by on his bicycle.

Seeing the naked girl, he runs over to see what has happened, but not knowing what to do, he places his black priest's hat over her pussy and jumps on his bicycle to go and get help.

Just then, Paddy and Sean stagger out of the pub and go over to the hedge to take a piss. -- Seeing the girl lying there, Paddy turns to Sean and says, "Look, that girl seems to be in trouble."

"She is," says Sean, "and the first thing we've got to do is to get Father Murphy out of there."

An Irish parachute opens on impact Mike dinnae fly wi them

Yeah - Apparently- When our lot were doing the research at Farnbourough on the test rig for the later Javelin's in the mid fifties on Ground level Ejector seats, the rumour went around that the Irish Air Corps had earlier GLE seats fitted to their kites so -

We called them Martin Baker's Ground level Rejection squad

Irishman's diet


An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

"When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, be jaesuz, I t'aut I wus gonna drop dead on da T'urd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, - from da bloody skippin'!!!!!"

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... Have you actually ever tasted it?

The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...."

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while.

Then, the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said,

"Better than pork, isn't it?"

Bloody good one... made my day!