Connecting Singles^® Canada Forums100% Free Online Dating

It’s funny how life goes sometimes. One day you are living the dream with a good job, a home, 2 kids, and a wife. Then unexpectedly it’s all pulled out from under you. You need to start again. You start to re evaluate your whole life. You question if it was all for nothing. Why did you turn your head for that split second and let it all slip away. Will your dream ever be attainable again, or will you even have one? Dating in mid life seems somewhat futile. Are we looking for something to replace what was taken from us, or are we merely settling for what falls at our feet. Is this the right person, do they understand, do they care, and does it even matter?
I suppose that if we could all answer those questions we would ALL live happily ever after. I doubt that any one can ever live up to the expectations that we dream for our own lives. Are we all so brainwashed by what we see on TV, in the media, and in Movies that our whole existence is clouded and convoluted? Every one should look at the big picture and ask themselves does it really matter?

Is it worth it?

Of course it's worth it. We all hopefully learn from our mistakes and our losses. If it was easy, maybe we wouldn't consider love so special.

You've had it and lost it. It knocks you down and sometimes getting up just doesn't seem like it's worth the effoert. As time passes, so does some of the pain. I doubt if it ever really all goes away, but eventually your heart will be able and willing to try again.

Peter, you wrote a really good essay there and I could relate to most of it. The one difference between you and me was that it wasn't just a split second that I turned away. A good woman will not leave because of a split second.

Good luck man, you seem to have a good heart and I'm sure you'll get a new dream and persue that.

thanks!!

Is it worth it?.....OR...is it even possible?

Sure...dating is OK......some adult fun and conversation.....but for me at least.....my trust factor is gone....and 17 years of having faith in someone is hard if not impossible to recover from when that faith and trust has been broken. It will never be the same for me...Im 46...I will have no children to share as "ours" but will have to learn to trust someone with my Daughter...as she will possibly have to learn trust for me and her children should she have them. That is already a strain on a "new" relationship. Then there is the lifestyle you lived and now live. You thought you knew how to treat a woman.....but it wasnt good enough?Obviously if she is looking elswhere you are not doing a good enough job :-(
I think all of these dating sites are just a place to make friends and to chat.....noone is really serious.....everyones expectations are set WAY too high because they will NEVER be hurt again.
Keep advertising....there are alot of free and several good pay dating sites I belong to....there are women willing to take a chance but I suppose Im going to have to open my heart to one eventually if I want companionship and happiness.

I cant answer your question "is it worth it?"....but it might now be time to at least try.....my Daughter will be all grown up soon....and Im not gonna be a lonely old man

Murray for once you have surpised me,in a good way though.
HMB,I know what you mean.

I've been hurt and played in the past but still know that one day I will be with the person I'm meant to be with.We can all dream of soul mates and the grand passion but need to be more realistic in what we may find.
It's hard to start over as we get older,children come into the picture for most of us and we all have a history behind us.We just need to put things in perspective and find what it is we really want.
Since last year when I finally decided to tempt fate I have been in two relationships that to me were serious for lack of a better word.One turned out to be a player and well the other one just wasn't meant to be. I met many great people here and have made a few true friends,that in itself is worth more than gold.
As to meeting 'the one' I have met someone and am taking the chance once again of seeing where it may lead......that's basically all any of us can do,be it online or'out there'.

And yes it's worth it JMO

Hey petersch,

IMHO - of course its worth it! Sure, life throws a few "curveballs" now and then and it sure does hurt when you get "beaned",....but like all aspects in life - "live and learn" and try to keep growing and improving as a person. As far as dating in mid-life - is it an attempt to "replace", to "settle"? I guess that all depends on your expectations. I am beginning to realize that if you let go of pre-conceived notions as to what you are looking for and simply look at it as an adventure" in simply getting to know another person the "futility" will begin to fade away! MTCW.

And Murray,....very touching and well-spoken. Who would have thought that of an Albertan!

Moose, go play on the freeway!

I'm an ex Quebecer, tabernac

Hey Captain,

Excusez-moi!! Pardonez-moi!

Quebe's loss, Alberta's gain! Need some culture out here. so thanks for coming!

Da Moose (heading out onto the slippery freeway destined to a cruel Peterbilt or Kenworth sort of moment)

Don't let the mule get hurt

I look at it this way, like you I turned my head for just a split second,
and when I turned back, my world had fallen in on me. You're so not
alone in this. As I become older, I now look at things a little more
realistically (?spelling) When you're younger, you choose who you want
in your life, thinking you have all the time in the world. I traveled all
across Canada, living in one city or another in damn near ever province
going. Calgary still has the best memories for me, but will not return
there again. I was young wild and stupid. I played the drums in a band
and played most weekends in the Lord Nelson Inn, met alot of women
did alot of stupid things, and learned some very valuable lessons. As
time gained on me, I noticed my choices were becoming less and less.
Soon it donned on me, as you get older you notice that the word
choice is soon replaced with compromise..and we learn to deal with
it. So all I can say my friend is.. you too will overcome....
Eventually..just hang in there

Hey J!

Right,...go on and bring up that nasty mule again! Cost me a fortune to bail that "jackass" out of jail,...sold him on the weekend to an unsuspecting newlywed couple,....they were seeking some adventure!

Hey HMB,...

Damn skippy,...hurts like hell,...I "lost" an 18 year marriage,.....but I am REALLY trying to look at it this way,...and I can't believe that I am about to quote Dr. Suess,....

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened!" Treasure what was good, forget the painful aspects, and realize that any day now the price of beer could go up!!! Life is good my friend! The other option just really shouldn't be considered,....keep smiling!

I guess the only one that can answer that question is you.


Reality is.....shit happens....Life is not perfect and neither are any of us.
If you are obvilious enough to believe that despite so much reality TV - TV/movies/celeb life is real..and set your expectation by that....welllll your in for some disappointments.

If you are looking for a replacement then good luck...you can not replace but you can rebuild. Life will never be exacatly as it was but that doesn't mean it can't be better than it was. Never settle for what has fallen at your feet take a look at who has landed at your side. Is that person the right one, do they understand, do they care...who knows til you give them the chance to. Dating at mid life IS so much harder only because we go into it with expectations, wanting instant relationships.
Look back what are the good things that came your way, 2 kids I'm sure you wouldn't trade for anything. Possibly a greater understanding of who you are. Maybe even a better idea of what it takes to make a relationship work...the honesty, the faith, the trust and the believing in another.

Is it worth it...............

Well said Taz. Very well said.

I think that little man beside you would think so

Dude, that is so damn dark and depressing, i gather that she left??? Doen's matter, why you may ask??? Well if you truely loved her, you can let go, maybe not of your kids, but her yes. It's her life to do what she will with it. Now you have to decide what you want to do with your life. Don't go looking for some one to fill that special person's place, learn to let go of that special person, and live for your self again, and love your life agian. Go out and join clubs, meet new people, go for coffee, tea, a soda, movie, drinks(beer, what ever. Keep it casual.) Don't close your door to any one, less they arn't nice, or something, but jsut cuz you don't feel interested in some one don't mean they don't have a friend. So you net work, get to know who you like, what you like, and enjoy your freedom. SOme days you will feel like a bag of crap, but thats what friends are for, going out and forgetting what a crappy day you had.

Don't do what i did, don't close your doors to every one around you, because to be alone is to loose your self. (Being alone as in not talking to any one, dont jsut spend all your time infront of the computer either, thats just usless. Get out, do something interesting, that you like, and meet new people.)

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but i know what being alone is like, I fear it more than anything, yet i used to face it every day. Not any more, i've learned the true value of a friend and family. And i've also learned what TRUE LOVE is.
I agree, T.V. and Movies are clouding our heads. People think that Ture love means you stay with one person all your life, yeah as if, we change, all of us, and some times we grow apart as we change, so we jsut have to go be on our own for a time, till we meet a new person who will be happy with us, and NOT MAKE US HAPPY. See only you can make you happy, it's all in how you look at life.

True love is a sacrafice, one that can hurt more than you'd ever immagine, but if we try to hold on to what is not ours, we will only destroy our selves and the ones we love. Let the bird go free, if it flies back, it's yours to keep, but if it flys away, it's not yors any more. So fare thee be warned, don't close the doors when you think you have found that ONE, keep them open and enjoy life. Keep your friends close at hand always, you never know when they'll need you, and when you'll need them.

"Keep on rockin in the free world"(niel young, and some one else, Nugent i think???), "while the world is still free to rock in."-- ME haha. I love being crazy and helpful i hope??? any who

Ditto - - very well said!

Sure Jamesshowlet at your age you can afford to think positive.I must say you seem to have a lot of wisdom at your age(despite the grammar boo boos).It is much more difficult for a woman in her seventies.At this age men seem to look for women in their fifties.Good Luck to them.In my fifties I would never look at a man in his seventies.Are there any normal people out there?Keep on Rockin in the free world has a good ring to it.I like that.Is it worth it?I will let you know as soon or if I find someone I like to rock with.Never say never.

Living, laughing, loving,.....always WORTH IT!! Just think about it,....

Life would not be the same if we have not had what we have now!
May not have the house/married life anymore but again…
Our children make everything worthwhile.. We lived the way we lived
We now live the way we must live. And you asked, if it was all for nothing?
I say – No!! Life the way it is … it is a new challenge and worth of living
I raise my glass and say: CHEERS! ENJOY YOUR NEW WAY OF LIVING
IT IS WORTH IT!