Posted: Apr 4, 2008, 12:53 AM CST
THE BEAR TEST
Below is a list of words. Read each of these words with the word "bear" before each all the way down.
Bear
Say
Ass
Dumb
This
Make
Can
I
Times
Many
How
Look
Now repeat the exercise going up the list.
Now read the list going up without saying bear before the words
If someone calls you an animal...
If someone calls you an animal, just remember the following:
I work like a horse.
I eat like a pig.
I like to play chicken.
They call me a dirty rat.
You can get my goat.
I can be as slippery as a snake.
I get dog tired.
I can be as quiet as a mouse.
They say I'm as quick as a cat.
I used to be as strong as an ox.
I don't like hen parties.
Please don't badger me.
People try to buffalo me.
Some people think I'm a gone goose.
I'm as ugly as a toad.
You should see the puss on me.
I'm as gentle as a lamb.
And I'm as happy as a lark.
I drink like a fish.
I'm as proud as a peacock.
And I'm as hairy as a gorilla.
I have an albatross around my neck.
And there's a frog in my throat.
I just got a Charlie horse the other day.
I've got goose bumps all over.
I've got the memory of an elephant.
But I'm no sitting duck.
I can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time.
O' what animals we can be!!
WHEN A POLICEMAN SAYS vs What They Really Mean
While on routine patrol... / I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner / He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-DON'T FEED THE PIGS!"
The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control. / It was raining.
I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. / The dirt-bag let go with an "oink" when I walked by.
Knowing the suspect had a criminal history... / He puked on my uniform one night.
The information is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past. / I've got two theft cases hanging over my head.
While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act. / He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses.
The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations. / I wrote one citation for each swear word.
Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside say, "Come in." / The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army, so I kicked in the door.
The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies. / I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the "Command Post."
I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding. / She was a good looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over.
The Chief appeared at the scene and took command. / I sent him to the same address as the reporters.
Further interview of the witness was impossible due to conditions. / It was my bowling night.
The defendant asked the officer's advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment. / I told him he didn't have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.
